Key to Good Marriage? Share Housework - children no longer as important

[tygerkittn]

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/key-to-good-marriage-share-housework/20070702093509990002?ncid=NWS00010000000001

This story made me so sad, talk about people's hearts growing cold! I don't want to be here anymore. This has got to be a number one sign of the end times.

"NEW YORK (July 1) - The percentage of Americans who consider children "very important" to a successful marriage has dropped sharply since 1990, and more now cite the sharing of household chores as pivotal, according to a sweeping new survey...
The popular culture is increasingly oriented to fulfilling the X-rated fantasies and desires of adults," she wrote in a recent report. "Child-rearing values -- sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity -- seem stale and musty by comparison."
Virginia Rutter, a sociology professor at Framingham (Mass.) State College and board member of the Council on Contemporary Families, said the shifting views may be linked in part to America's relative lack of family-friendly workplace policies such as paid leave and subsidized child care.

"If we value families ... we need to change the circumstances they live in," she said, citing the challenges faced by young, two-earner couples as they ponder having children."

It's not the challenges, it's the selfishness. Children have always been a challenge, and expensive, but if that stopped people no one would be here today!

[romans224]

How I read the article it refers to marriage. I belive the 1st and most important part of a great marriage is the love of the husband for his wife and the respect from the wife to her husband. Which really says STOP BEING SELFISH. I do not believe that children make a better marriage if the first step is not achieved.
for me this is the importance of my life:
1. GOD
2. Wife
3. Children
4. Others
5. Self

[tygerkittn]

John Piper just did a great sermon on Desiring God called "The Purpose of Marriage is to Make Children Disciples of Christ." Maybe that's why parenting is under attack by society.
Even at my worst my priorities have never been so selfish and confused that I would have said sharing chores is more important than having children. That's just sad. People like that probably SHOULDN'T have children.

[professor h]

I think the article hits on something very important. The US is not a very family friendly place anymore. The price of healthcare, daycare, and other necessities is obscene. Maternity leave at my wife's workplace is only 6 weeks.

Even at a young age, children are consistently bombarded with marketing messages that encourage them to urge parents to buy food that's bad for them and clothes, music, and movies that aren't age appropriate.

My wife and I are a couple of years away from starting our family, but I, for one, am terrified - not because of my personal shortcomings, but because of the strength of the negative messages I'll have to deal with.



edit: And if I wanted to put a cause to all of this, it's very simple => M.O.N.E.Y. In the eyes of those who run this country (economically and essentially, politically as well), children are just another demographic to pander to and exploit.

[Michelle95]

I think the article hits on something very important. The US is not a very family friendly place anymore. The price of healthcare, daycare, and other necessities is obscene. Maternity leave at my wife's workplace is only 6 weeks.

Even at a young age, children are consistently bombarded with marketing messages that encourage them to urge parents to buy food that's bad for them and clothes, music, and movies that aren't age appropriate.




Well said, professor.

It's also the "redefining" of families that have some confused.

The old adage "it takes a village to raise a child" is more truth than we realize. Not that we need to have the village to raise the child but that the child is being raised by the village whether you like it or not. The only way that you (as in parents) can be the only one teaching your child is by keeping them at home until they are 18 and homeschooling them with no outside media influence. Otherwise, they are certainly picking up attitudes and values from others. :ohno

[romans224]

I think the article hits on something very important. The US is not a very family friendly place anymore. The price of healthcare, daycare, and other necessities is obscene. Maternity leave at my wife's workplace is only 6 weeks.

Even at a young age, children are consistently bombarded with marketing messages that encourage them to urge parents to buy food that's bad for them and clothes, music, and movies that aren't age appropriate.

My wife and I are a couple of years away from starting our family, but I, for one, am terrified - not because of my personal shortcomings, but because of the strength of the negative messages I'll have to deal with.



edit: And if I wanted to put a cause to all of this, it's very simple => M.O.N.E.Y. In the eyes of those who run this country (economically and essentially, politically as well), children are just another demographic to pander to and exploit.


To reply on that issue it doesn't stop there either. I notice that this issue sometimes effect the church as well. Like having a seminar in helping your marriage but not providing childcare. Or learning to be a more godly parent but have no help to watch your kids. Many times even tryin to get parents involved in a bible study they are so consumed with kids in this sport or event.

[oholycheerio]

The percentage of Americans who consider children "very important" to a successful marriage

I think there is a misunderstanding here... It does not say that people who have children feel that the children are unimportant. It says only that there are people who feel that a marriage does not necessarily need children to be successful. Surely there are plenty of successful marriages where the couple have decided not to have, or unable to have, children.

However, lack of chore-sharing or other cooperation can understandably cause some conflict or resentment between spouses, especially if both are working. It makes sense that sharing the workload of a marriage would be important to a successful marriage.

If your husband doesn't lift a finger while you work 40 hours a week plus do all the housework, including cleaning up after a slovenly husband, the marriage probably isn't a very happy one no matter how many children you have.

[lisa]

Thanks for clarifying that, oholycherrio. It was a survey on what makes marriages successful. Children fell from 3rd place to 8th. The survey had nothing to do with the importance of children on society.

Edited to add: I doubt my husband and I will ever have children, and I count my marriage as successful. :noidea

[oholycheerio]

Thanks for clarifying that, oholycherrio. It was a survey on what makes marriages successful. Children fell from 3rd place to 8th. The survey had nothing to do with the importance of children on society.

No prob. :)

[tygerkittn]

I think there is a misunderstanding here... It does not say that people who have children feel that the children are unimportant. It says only that there are people who feel that a marriage does not necessarily need children to be successful. Surely there are plenty of successful marriages where the couple have decided not to have, or unable to have, children.

However, lack of chore-sharing or other cooperation can understandably cause some conflict or resentment between spouses, especially if both are working. It makes sense that sharing the workload of a marriage would be important to a successful marriage.

If your husband doesn't lift a finger while you work 40 hours a week plus do all the housework, including cleaning up after a slovenly husband, the marriage probably isn't a very happy one no matter how many children you have.

I have six kids, it doesn't matter if my husband helps out or not. Our mutual priority is raising Godly children. The idea that the most important aspect of marriage is chore-sharing is from the secular world.
I stay at home, I do the housework, I tell my husband all the time to relax, and play on his computer, I would feel weird if he tried to do housework. I want him to feel relaxed so he can enjoy the kids when he's home.
A marriage without children seems unnecessary. Paul said it's best to stay single so you can focus on God, if you marry without wanting to have children, then it just seems selfish and self-centered and taking attention away from God. Even if you don't have children of your own, there should still be a focus on children, otherwise you could stay single and make God your only focus.