Frustrated with homeschooling...anger...crying

[kimberleym1968]

I've been trying to homeschool my daughter now for a few monthes. I owned a salon, which I sold today (So i'm hoping that doing that will help)

ANyhow....she's taking FOREVER to do her schoolwork!! She is eight years old. Today it took us 10....yes, 10 hours on one lesson for learning how to tell time. I am so upset and frustrated. We are both crying and angry.

The problem is she dawdles. She procrastinates by asking to eat (when she just ate an hour before)....kisses the cats....wants to brush her hair (when it's already brushed)....wants to take breaks every 30 minutes and when we are doing schoolwork she'll sit there staring at a page or problem endlessly.

She pretends like she has no idea what she is suppose to do until I start getting frustrated and raising my voice....then all of a sudden all the right answers come to her.

Today, i had just had enough......i told her that I've had enough. I'm doing everything I can (even hired a tutor for a couple days a week) and everything i'm doing is not enough. I grabbed my car keys and told her i was going up to the school to register her for public school and that perhaps a teacher whose gone to college to teach kids, would be of more help. She started crying grabbed her pencil and finished the page we had been struggling with :doh

How do you deal with homeschooling when they just won't do the work??? I can't make her do it. When she was in public school she was failing, so i thought this was the best option, but it seems like she just wants to do her own thing.

I want this to work, but I want it to work in a way that is healthy and loving for both of us. I'm finding myself raising my voice with her and I don't like myself when I do that. I'm afraid that she'll associate that with school and hate it even more.

She is SO smart. It's so frustrating to go through this with her when she's such a brilliant little girl.

I don't know what more to do. I guess I need to hear from other parents to .....to hear that they've gone through this to, what they did to pull out of it and some hope that this behavior will change.

She's such a good kid.....I mean, the best you could ask for. She never misbehaves and is respectful. I've never had any complaints with her....this is just hitting me out of left field. I know some kids are a little challenging all the time (you know the ones...lol) but she's not like that, so i don't know where this is coming from or how to deal with it.

Any wise words?

[gibby62]

My daughter (who is now 13) is not very self-motivated and the problems remain the same whether I was to school her or send her to a public or private school (she's been to both). It is very frustrating because you know they are very capable and are just natural born procrastinators!!

Does your daughter get interaction with kids her own age? My daughter is a very social creature, so these things are important to her. Also, why not use the distractions as a way to work in the lesson. Tell her she can do this or that for 15 minutes, then have her figure out what time that would be that on the clock. I think we can work these lessons into every day life which is exactly how we use it in the end. I don't know where you live, but you could have her race and figure out how fast she was. It could be that she doesn't see how telling time is going to be useful to her. Have her help you make cookies or something (reinforces measurement). Then have her figure out how long something has to be in the oven. It's one thing to know you have to know something. It can be quite another to see how helpful it is to learn it!!

I also see this as a "power struggle". She wants to see where the boundaries are and how far she can push them. Since this seems to be new to both of you, give yourself a break. The beauty of homeschooling is the freedom to be flexible. If she's not getting the lesson of "telling time" by doing the lesson, you can move to another subject and subtly work in the time lessons using methods above. Rather than lose a whole day on all the other subjects to be covered, you've just lost a little bit of forward progress. Also, consequences and rewards must be clearly outlined ahead of time so there are no questions as to expectations.

Hope all of this helps!! I am in no way an expert at parenting, just happen to have a lot of practice with one high-maintenance, strong-willed child of my own!!

[kimberleym1968]

oh my goodness! I feel like you've really been where i'm at. yes, I couldn't find the word for it, bsut it really is a self motivation problem. where i'm feeling pressure is that because we started in November, they still expect us to do a full year of homeschooling even though she was in public school from sept.-nov. I don't want her to have to repeat second grade because of this and I don't want to gloss over lessons she hasn't gotten down and move onto something else (I believe they do this too often in public school) I'm going to try to move myself out of mymode of thinking and try some of your suggestions. I think I'm also going to start the school day with praying with my daughter and turning that time over to God.

Another thing I'm struggling with is this next week I'm suppose to teach her about Muslim faith.....last week was Greek Gods. (we go to a secular home program due to cost) I don't want her knowing about these things. I want to skip them. I'm not sure if that's wrong or not. How do you all handle this?

[Sunny]

Some kids are motivated and some are not. Unmotivated ones are the most challenging to HS.

She's obviously smart. She is also obviously playing you. You've got to figure out what she is getting that is reinforcing this behavior, then change the circumstances so the other behavior is reinforced.

First off, some classic mistakes is too much school. I can't tell if you are doing that or not - I've had kids take hours to do what could be done in as little 2 minutes, so I know what you are talking about. I've done all the tears and yelling too. I even put them back in PS for a couple of years just to show them I meant business, and it helped them to see that HS was a cake walk compared to being strapped to a desk for 7 hours a day.

That being said, it did not eliminate the problem, it just proved my point - they had a problem. LOL

Anyhow, if you are classicly OVER schooling, try cutting it down. Kids don't learn much after 15 minutes of anything. Use those 15 minutes in fun ways, and then reward with really great things.

She may be lonely and want you sitting there with her, even if it means you are mad and getting after her to do it.

So many things it could be. We all have sinful tendencies and your daughter will have to learn how to deal with hers. :hug

She may have decided that if she's going to sit there for 10 hours, it might as well be on the same page, rather than a bunch of different ones. That is especially true sometimes if you are schooling with a very hands on approach or if she keeps calling you in for help.

She may not be thriving on the type of schooling either. My dd hated math, until I got her into a program where she had videos to watch and a teacher she could email, then she suddenly like it. LOL So tweaking approaches can really help until you find something she is really suited to.

Give her tastes of success as much as possible, while still challenging her. I say take one day off school just to spend time with her and cool off a bit. Do some things that you both enjoy.

Then approach school for a few weeks with successful days in mind. Remove the cat, the hairbrush, even windows. Assign 5 minutes of work at a time, and then reward with the things she enjoys and spending time with you. Play with the cat, brush her hair, bake cookies, read a book, draw pictures together, whatever. Then in 10 minutes, assign another 5 minutes of work.

This shows her how successful she can be. I have often actually sat and done the work WITH my kids so they get into the addictive habit of actually getting a lot done in short bursts of time.

At 8 years of age, you can HS your child very well in less than 2 or 3 hours a day total. Even 1 hour if you just focus on math and writing, making reading part of the fun section of the day.

So once your child can get it through their skulls that they have nearly an entire day of freedom if they just get to it, it's pretty darn exciting. Start by 7 or 8, be done by 9 or 10. Pretty cool. Lots of play time after that.

Heck, make a game of drawing out a silhouette of a child at a desk and taping it to the wall. If she starts at 8 on her work, show her 'friend' just getting on the bus. At 8:30 her friend will be at that desk. Let her see that friend staying at that desk until 2:30 or 3 pm. By that time, your little one has been free for HOURS, and her 'friend' is just getting on the bus to ride home and do homework for another hour or so.

Science - I love the God's Design books. Parental involvement, but fun, quick and interesting.

You may have to deal with the tendency of hers for life. Some of my kids have improved, some of them went on to be really, really dumb and regretting it. Just take heart in the fact that if your kid is going to choose to approach education without motivation, it will be a lot worse for them in PS than HSing.

[Sunny]

UGH! Tied to the PS system. That makes it really tough! No wonder.

There are ways to educate your child without them. Cheaply too. Can you cut your ties? I would stay away from them as much as possible.

[Sunny]

Here's a link to a great book.

"How To Homeschool Your Child for Free." $7.18 including shipping.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0761525130/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&condition=used

[lisaann]

I agree with cutting your ties to the PS. :fear

My ds had motivation problems with getting his math done. So, I set a timer, to a reasonable amount of time, and if he didn't get done in that time he was punished. It needs to be a very effective punishment too. If she waits until the last minute and just fills in whatever, getting all of them wrong, then she still needs to be punished.

You might want to get the book Sheparding a Child's heart by Tedd Tripp. Much of it is for younger children but there is alot for older kids as well. It might help you establish firm, Christ like, boundaries with her.

Don't let her play you like this. :tsk You are the Mom and it is her job to obey you. Dawdling is disobedience.

[Cookies4me]

I created this sticky schedule for my kids.
Each person in the house gets a color post it. The time gets it's own as well.

Each block is 15 or 30 min that's up to you and your child. Each of my blocks are 30 min a piece.
You then post each item that you would like to achieve each day on a post it note. Such as history/ math/ English/ spelling and so on. if you find that it's running longer then just create more than one space for that subject.
The kids can also see when things should be done and how much time they should be able to do it in.



I love this because I can move the subjects around and also if I find English is not good after math i can just move it into a proper time slot that works best for us.


http://i41.tinypic.com/og9yfq.jpg

[Lucy]

The child is testing you and I am guessing that she is very smart???
She might benefit from a more strict schedule, for instance, from 8-9 do chores, 9-10 math...if these things are not completed to satisfaction within those limits then you don't go to Karate tonight...or whatever it is she WANTS to do! Barb Shelton's Homeschool Oasis has many articles dealing with this sort of thing. She goes on at great length about rules, behaviour, expectations of both parent and child....
Your problem isn't unique and there are solutions! Don't give up!

[kimberleym1968]

you guys are great! I've tried the 15 minutes at a time and it's working well :)

TOnight she has a slumber/birthday party to go to....i told her that is fine but she will be starting school at 10am. She said, "But Mommy it is Saturday tomorrow and i want to stay and play with my friends". I repllied, "I understand Kaitlyn, and I told you on Tuesday that because you were only able to do one lesson that you would have to give up your saturday and make up your lessons the. I hope this will help you learn how to better manage your time in the future". She understood. I think this is a good lesson for her and one that will work. I am also going to start using the "Post-it notes" tomorrow. I think this will help not only keep her on track but also in telling time....lol....I feel a bit evil doing this, but she really has been working me for WAY too long.

Dawdling, I believe, is also a form of disobedience......I never thought of it like that before, but it is! Enough is enough.....I'm through with being the "Softy". I'm going to try these suggestions...thank you