Anyone have stepdaughter difficulties?

[Felkers]

Anyone in my boat of having a difficult relationship with a stepdaugher? She is 18, i'm 50.

Fortunately she is going away to school in two months.

The mom has the mother's unconditional love that helps her cope with the girl but I don't....like going to the prom with her boyfriend then bringing him home to bed for the night. The mother see's it a "at least I know where she is" but I see it as disrespectful.. on and on it goes!

Felk

[Traveling Through]

"The mother see's it a "at least I know where she is""

That's an interesting attitude. I think you are in a tough situtation where you not only have to try to control the daughter, the mother needs a change of attitude. I think you have lost this one.

[Felkers]

Traveling Through posted - "I think you have lost this one"

Oh yea, I lost for sure. Trying to survive another two months wating on her to head for a college that is two hours away is where I am at now.

Felk

[KissyLoves]

Sorry, guys, but I had to sneak in on this one. (My first time to even sneak in here and post in the men's room!)

Felkers you definitely lost this one. She's practically grown, so any relationship yall have will be through her mom. Try to be supportive. If she gives your wife trouble, try not to critize, it will only drive a wedge between you and your wife later when she's no longer anger at her daughter. Not to mention she may tell your step-daughter what you said. And then step-daughter will never have any respect. As a 31 year old trying to help my parents raise a 15 year old, I have to tell you a lot of the attitude you maybe seeing is in all teenage girls...And I have two more YEARS before my sister goes to college....:faint :lol2 :hug :pray Praying for you to make it through the summer.

[Traveling Through]

Traveling Through posted - "I think you have lost this one"

Oh yea, I lost for sure. Trying to survive another two months wating on her to head for a college that is two hours away is where I am at now.

Felk

Sometimes, that is about all we can hope for.

[4TheLight]

Wow I been struggling with this lately too. I caught my 13 year old step daughter writing gang signs on her notebook. My wife says all kids do that... She is disrespecful constantly when you talk to her she either gives you snide remarks or speaks so low you cant hear a word out of her mouth.

I at my wits end with her and my wife just says we just dont have a good relationship because she is fine with her. I personally don't trust her and think she is up to no good. I caught her sneeking out her window of her room multiple times.

Im trying to lay down the law but my wife says im to strict. Im at the point I could just ground her and throw away the key...

PULLING OUT MY HAIR OVER HER!!!!

[Felkers]

KissyLoves JESUS - You are exactly right I'm sure. The step daughter and I don't really talk now except for a "pass the salt please" kind of thing. I think I should just try to be a plesant as possible and let the mom deal with her.

It is hard because she quit her good summer job to babysit two cousins and make $2.50 per hour. Anyway, she wants to babysit at our house and we will have extra utilitles, food and have to do more housework. I will have to wait for the mom to have enough of it and take action.

To 4theLight - I think the mom will have to do the dicipline. I don 't think the stepdad can get away with doing the dicipline unless it is something dangerous. Otherwise, they will just take it out on you and the mom will defend the daughte - no matter what she does.

Thanks for the replies!
Felk

[KissyLoves]

Felkers, you hit the nail on the head! My husband disciplines my daughter (we've been together since she was 2, now she's 10) and she runs to me to tattle on him. I constantly have to tell her that it's between the two of them. My ex and I are in complete agreement that she needs more discipline than he can provide, and that my husband does a great job as her dad when her 'real' dad isn't around. Does that make sense?

On the flip side, I try to refrain from disciplining or having too much say about what goes on with my step-daughter, as she only comes every other weekend, and I'd rather make it pleasant and give her a Christian example to follow. Sometimes it's hard to bite my tongue, but I have to remind myself that she's not my daughter. . . and I might be the only Bible/Jesus-example she sees.

Keep your head up - I hear when girls hit about 20-21, they come back from the "self-indulgence, I'm-smarter-than-you-are, why-are-you-looking-at-me, I-WISH-YOU-WOULD-QUIT-BREATHING" world they've been living on, and actually turn into people....at least that's what my mom always tells me. :doh

:hug

[Felkers]

KissyLoves wrote
I hear when girls hit about 20-21, they come back...

I've told my wife - her mom - that too! I think she will come back and my wife has had problems with her too.

The mom and her daughter (my step daughter) had a big fight about grades and for a while in March, she moved in with her dad. She came back though after about a month. My name didn't come up in that fight.

Wish the step daughter and I could do more than quietly co-exist in the house but I think the best I can do is keep my thoughts to myself and hold on for two months to go by.

thanks!
Felk

[Traveling Through]

KissyLoves JESUS - You are exactly right I'm sure. The step daughter and I don't really talk now except for a "pass the salt please" kind of thing. I think I should just try to be a plesant as possible and let the mom deal with her.

It is hard because she quit her good summer job to babysit two cousins and make $2.50 per hour. Anyway, she wants to babysit at our house and we will have extra utilitles, food and have to do more housework. I will have to wait for the mom to have enough of it and take action.

To 4theLight - I think the mom will have to do the dicipline. I don 't think the stepdad can get away with doing the dicipline unless it is something dangerous. Otherwise, they will just take it out on you and the mom will defend the daughte - no matter what she does.

Thanks for the replies!
Felk

Doesn't all of this make for a hostile home environment?