Do any of you gals live with

[Teacup]

a hostile/negative husband?

How do you deal with that? I've been trying for 21 yrs. and it hasn't gotten any better. It rubs off on the rest of us. He knows he has anger problems and has gotten a little help with it, but it comes back.

I think that is what zaps my strength the most and there are so many things I want to do. Its exhausting doing the "repair" work with the kids after his episodes.

ysic, DLee

[ByHisGrace]

My husband used to have anger issues. He would wake up so crabby! He could be up for hours before even acknowledging me. Very cold. He also had a tone whenever he did speak to me. Even if I just asked him what he wanted for dinner, he would snap at me. We have come a long way since then...

But I still remember when he would kick and punch the walls out of anger, broke a chair, and then lastly punched a hole in the wall. (We don't have children by the way and he never touched me)


During this time he was listening to very dark & angry music, was hanging out with unsaved friends, viewing porn and (unknown to me at the time) was going to strip clubs.

Gone are those days! Whew.....

I don't know how bad your situation is but it took me moving out for about 9 months and getting help through a church (with my husband) before things changed. He is completely different now, not perfect but close enough for me. :)

[ByHisGrace]

I also want to add, if your situation isn't as bad as mine was (where you feel you need to separate) then do what a pastor told me to do...

Show him Christ. In everything...not that this easy. I'm just saying this was his advice to married women who have unsaved husbands or troubled marriages. Never return evil for evil, be encouraging, and make sure you look to the Lord to refill you and recharge you. I bet there are a lot of books out there on this too. Many Christian women have husbands who are hard to live with and the ultimate goal is to win them to Christ.

Oh also, surrender your marriage to the Lord. Just give it to Him. And try to submit to your husband (even if he isn't yet saved). Of course pray and pray!

[jorjean]

There is a wonderful book out there called The Power of a Praying Wife. I don't know the name of the woman who wrote it but she writes about how she prayed over her sleeping husband every night, suggested reading.

[Rebekah]

Power of a Praying Wife is written by Stormie OMartian. Hope that helps!

[BlessedinHim]

There is another good book out there to read. It is called Boundaries. It tells you it is ok to say no, and not take on others back packs of problems, but we should help each other with the really heavy burdens. That book really helped me.

I was married for 15 years to an angry abusive man. When I finally had enough, God took care of it. He had threatened to leave me on several occasions, and I, being stupid, would beg. Then after about the 3rd or 4th time of this, I prayed. I told God that I couldnt keep living like this and he gave me the answer from the bible. If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. And I did. He remarried 2 mos after our divorce was over. I didnt remarry for a couple of years. I didnt want another relationship like that. He was demon possessed, and I dont say that lightly.

In the years we were married, he had slapped me, poured tea on me, threw things at me, spit on me, call me everything but a white woman, he was verbally abusive most of the time to me and my kids, later I found out he was physically abusive to my kids as well.

I believe God was with us during these perilous times, my kids then are grown, love the Lord, and are well adjusted kids, I give God all the glory for that.

So, when you have had enough, God will take care of you.

I really think we should pray for his salvation. Then the rest will fall into place. With all that anger and resentment there, you know there is no room for God in there. He has no love flowing from the fountain to share.

[mikalikat]

There is absolutely no reason to stay in a physically abusive marriage, my first was. However, setting boundaries is important. I would caution, however, if you are going to start reading a book like Power of a Praying Wife, be prepared for spiritual warfare like you have never seen. Satan does not want you praying for your husband. I read this book a couple of years ago, my current husband was having major anger issues, and it got way worse before it got better. You have to take it day by day and pray protection over your house, your family, yourself. Once the enemy figures out he can't win, he will depart and you will see improvement slowly, but be PREPARED.

[ImHis]

To answer the first question - NO. I am actually crabbier than him, but I am working on that.

I have Power of a Praying Wife. I pray through it on my knees every night. His temperment is already gentle but he seems even sweeter after I pray for him.

Next, the person who mentioned a book called Boundaries, who is the author please? The Lord recently showed me some major boundary deficiencies I had and freed me from them. I could find almost no resources on the subject of "boundaries".

Lastly, I was on another website, sorta secular (flylady - says she's a Christian and refers to the Lord but is not a "Christian" website.) and this women wrote in that her husband was negative. After a while, whatever he said that was negative, she pretended to ball it up into a wad (like a wad of paper) and pretended to "throw it back to him". Then she would say something like, "this is yours, I don't accept it" or something similar.

At first, she said, he looked baffled, after a while, she says, he quit doing it. Now I don't know if she prayed, but prayer is the only thing that can protect us from other people and affect them, but the pantomime thing did send him a message I'm sure.

(Now I hope the moderators don't reem me out for passing on secular advice.)

[Deepcallstodeep]

I would caution, however, if you are going to start reading a book like Power of a Praying Wife, be prepared for spiritual warfare like you have never seen. Satan does not want you praying for your husband. I read this book a couple of years ago, my current husband was having major anger issues, and it got way worse before it got better. You have to take it day by day and pray protection over your house, your family, yourself. Once the enemy figures out he can't win, he will depart and you will see improvement slowly, but be PREPARED.

This was an incredibly important thing to add, mikalikat. I'm in the middle of this process. Not for anger issues with my dh but some other ones. I find the warfare goes in cycles. But it does get better. Because we know the Victorious One!