Helping teens get ready for the real world...

[Adoration]

Although my daughter is only 14 1/2 now, and entering 9th grade, I still want to get some of your valued opinions on how to prepare for leaving the home with some 'common sense' smarts:

For instance: I am expecting both our kids to work part- time while they are in HS, BUT would this still work if their grades arent' good?

Should our rule be " you can work part time IF your grades are A's and B's"?

Our kids are pretty independant now...They both know how to do their own laundry, can't have privileges unless their grades are up, rooms are clean, get their chores done on a regular basis, so I'm figuring that this work plan won't be too unrealistic.

Here's another one: No car until you can cover the car payments or at least the insurance.

And then the last one: If you need to stay at home, while working and attending college, then you need to pay minimal rent. (My daughter said that sounded 'mean' :aha I said it was helping her get ready for the tough real world!)

What has worked for you all, and what other preparations would you seasoned mom's with older kids, suggest?

[graceforme]

Wow! It seems to me that you have done just about everything you can to help your teens make it in the real world. You're teaching them to be accountable, responsible, etc. Sounds to me like you have done a great job with them.

I think asking your kids to pay minimal rent while living at home is perfectly fine. It teaches them that nothing comes free in this world. I was told by someone once that a couple charged their son rent while he was in college. He thought they were terrible when they took his money each month. What he didn't know was that Dad was putting the money in a high-yield account for him, and when he finished school, he was able to make the down payment on his first home.

My daughter lives by herself, works two jobs, and tries her very best to take care of herself and is very responsible (she'll be 24 on Mon.). My husband and I do everything we can to help her when we can. She struggles a lot financially. And I pay her car insurance for her. But, if she wasn't working hard to make it on her own, I wouldn't help her in that way. She, too, is very independent, like your kids.

I never required my kids to work while they were in school - I felt that their school work was much more important. But, they both chose to - and that was okay, as long as their grades didn't suffer.

God bless you for taking the time to teach your kids responsibility. So many kids today have been handed everything without having to do anything for what they get, and have a real misconception of what the world expects of them. Unfortunately, those parents will still be raising their kids when they are in their 30's and 40's. Tougher love goes a long way, and shows the kids that you truly care about their futures.

Keep it up!

[Adoration]

Thank you so much Grace...your post really touched and encouraged me!

I know what you mean about the working through school...I have my questions about that as well. My daughter isn't the best academic student there is, but tries hard anyway.
I'm seriously thinking that I'm not going to allow her to work unless her grades are stable for at least half the year first...and then work only keeps on as long as her quarter grades remain strong.
The thing is I know she wants things for herself, and would really like to work and earn money. But, grades come first in my book...so...I'm sticking to this plan.

Thanks for your input! It means a lot to me.
sincerely~Adoration

[graceforme]

God Bless. You are a good, loving parent. Wish there were many more like you.

Resting in peace (but more alive than ever)
Linda

[Live4Jesus]

I think your expectations are right on. That's how we have it in our home as well.

[Mrsppmrxky]

this is basically how things worked with our 3 while they were still living at home. This way they didn't die from the shock of the real world. They still have pretty much come back and said, they were still shocked, but they knew to expect some of the hardships.

We have always taught them that family helps family. In return we help them some still if they are working hard....if theyy are foolish with their $$ then they might have to eat ramien noodles that next week.

If they can't help their father or I when we really need help, then the next time they needs help, we might not be so easy to get ahold of.

This way they learn that we aren't always going to be their to help them out. (Mostly that was done for the new spouse to learn the lay of the land with this side of family and how it works.)

I think that you are doing a great job!

[Praise Warrior]

When I was in high school, my parents only expected me to work or at least volunteer during the summers. School days I would get up and go to school by 6:30 until 2, then have an hour or so of extracurriculars (these were needed, even honor societies had meetings and responsibilities). Then I'd take a nap and have dinner, and then I'd do homework until 2 or 3 AM. Then I'd get up at 6 again. I had no time to work. My sister had more homework, and often stayed up after I did, even all night.

I knew many who had to work, but they usually were not in the high-level classes, and their grades usually suffered. If I were to work, my grades would also have suffered. But I didn't go shopping or buy stuff I wanted either.

I had to learn to manage things myself some more at college. That was enough for me to handle, with classes. There I had to study for hours on end, had homework, and write papers in large amounts, and I had to stay up ALL night, but by that point I was already used to that because I was allowed to do that at school. I didn't have to work--my parents saved enough money to put me and my sister through an undergraduate degree (although we both had scholarships due to our good performance in high school)--but I wouldn't have had time to work anyway.

My parents did not let me drive by myself in high school because I did not have enough experience. They wouldn't let me ride with anyone because my friends did not have enough experience. My parents knew many died driving that young and that inexperienced even with all their required hours. They would rather chauffeur. If I had to stay after and so missed the bus, I had to wait for them to come home from work. That was that.

I would highly recommend that your student stay on campus as an undergraduate, unless the school really doesn't have housing. That was the best way for me to get used to real living--but there was still support in case I needed help. Your daughter won't be able to be living at home forever--even if she has to pay rent.

And, it's not just the finances. The emotional, psychological separation also has to be done. It would also help her to live simply, since she surely will have to when she starts out. Even when paying, she still will have all the home comforts. She will be more isolated at home, less chances to be involved in extracurriculars since most groups, even Christian ones, are run late in the evening (which would help her leadership development also important) and not have as much resources available for school, which would also hurt her grades. Many times I've had to spend time in the library with study groups finishing group reports, which have lasted late into the night. Many times I needed to go to the library late at night. Worship was late as well.

College is harder than high school. My high school friend and I were prepared since our high school was heavy, but we both were shocked at how much the other students struggled with the academic rigor. If she can't work while keeping her grades up (hard to do) there will be no income.

High grades are necessary for graduate schools, scholarships, and graduate assistantships. I had to pay for that, but because I had the grades skills and independence, since there were fewer classes, and since the work was part of my professional education anyway as a graduate assistant, I was able to manage quite well. I have the grades. I have the professional and educational experience, and I'm ready to have a reasonable job where I can afford somewhere to live and support myself. And I have a lot of other skills and experiences to put on my resume :nod

[Biblenuggetlady]

I just ordered a book called "University of Destruction". I am going to read it and use the info with the two children I still have at home, one who is in HS the other goes into JrHigh next year. My older two that are grown and gone could have benefited, I think this info would help Jr/HS students too, I see too much anti-God material come home with them. My older two are not walking with the Lord and have some very worldly ideas, this didn't come from home.

Here's the link:
http://www.davidwheaton.com/book.htm

The Perfect Gift for High School and College Students
An Ideal Book for Church Youth Groups and Christian Student Organizations
Personalized and Signed Books Only at DavidWheaton.com
The statistic is staggering: As many as 50 percent of Christian students say they have lost their faith after four years in college. That's right: 50 percent! Just as surprising, there is little difference in the faith attrition rate whether at secular or religious colleges.

For far too many, the transition from home-life to campus-life is traumatic -- what begins as a University of Instruction ends up being their University of Destruction…with long-lasting negative effects and no guarantee of return.

Author David Wheaton, radio talk show host, inspirational speaker, and professional tennis champion, relates his own collegiate experience at Stanford and captivatingly conveys:

The three Pillars of Peril students face in college:
Sex, Drugs/Alcohol, and Humanism (secular or religious);
A time-tested game plan for victory over these pitfalls based on improving your spiritual G.P.A.;
The important difference between professing and possessing Christians;
Practical advice on dating, friends, and choosing the right college;
How to get back on course if you have gone astray.
Headed to college? Already there? Let University of Destruction show you how to be an Overcomer on campus.

[Adoration]

You all have some great words of advice! Thanks!

Praise Warrior, it sounds like you took a lot of AP or honors classes in HS. That is a huge work load, so I can see why your parents wouldn't let you work.
As for my daughter, I don't think she is academically strong enough for AP classes. She might surprise me, but I don't think that these are in her future.
But, I agree with you that grades come first, and that working could very well sap her of her time and energy, and bring her grades down. Since we're expecting both our kids to attend college, this could have far-reaching effects.
I think we'll have to test the waters carefully on this subject,and see how my daughter does.

[Adoration]

Gulp! BNL, you have a great point with the worldliness of today's colleges.
What about attending a Christian College?