If I commit suicide, will I still go to Heaven?
If you have placed your hope and trust in the Lord, there is never any reason to take your own life. Jesus loves you so much and as a believer in Him, you experience that love each day. It is the devil who is spewing the lies that make you doubt and feel hopeless. Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10). You are living what believers were warned about in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your
enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
The answer to your question is a difficult one because I have trouble believing that someone who has truly accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior could ever have so little hope. The most important thing that you need to do is to get on your knees and cry out to God to heal you from within. Ask Him to forgive your lack of trust and your fear of the future. Ask Him for guidance and strength to endure whatever it is you are facing. And, ask God to show you exactly how He feels about you.
After you have done that, seek professional, Godly counsel! A good Pastor or Christian counselor can help you to recognize what it is in you that is driving these feelings. God is so much bigger than whatever you are facing. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast you cares on the Lord and he will sustain you.” He desires to help you; He longs for you to call on Him.