Good advice Zaph.Originally Posted by Zaphnathpaaneah
Praying here.
I'm Third
Good advice Zaph.
Praying here.
With Love
In Christ
-Michael
"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." Rev. 4:11
Hmmm,
And when you DO guess low... subtract five years from THAT too!
Women can do sooooo much with very little and create the right effects...(guess that is our appeal to them as well they think they can do the same with us).
Zaph:
No you are in the right ballpark regarding your advise.
Dave:
Just don't "force" anything. DO make sure you are quietly listening to God. He won't steer you wrong -- but be patient.
As far as "unbiblical reasons" --- there is only One who calls that shot. If it does become part of your discussions should things move towards a more serious level --- mutually seek out an older married couple in your church and with your minister --- have them "mentor" you in this area. They don't "see her" as you do -and- (nor you -- they) will be more attentive in drawing unresolved issues into the light [for] Christian solutions.
Good luck! The fact that you are here running this by the group says you are at least "turned to the wind" before you head down the runway (as it were).
Humbly yours....
Last edited by Widowsmyte; April 29th, 2007 at 10:58 AM. Reason: clarifying pronouns
I don't know why she divorced, and at this point I don't think it would be appropriate to talk about. We are just getting to know one another and we're having fun. I can't see shouting "sinner" and getting all righteous, I have my sins too and I've been forgiven just as she has.
We played golf Saturday and Sunday and had lunch afterwards. It's getting very warm here, I'm thinking a day trip to the beach and a picnic next weekend. Oh it's soooo long until the weekend. I hate Mondays.
I'm Third
Why would it be inappropriate to ask her why her husband divorced her?
Would be one of my first questions. Especially as you are both Christians.
With Love
In Christ
-Michael
"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." Rev. 4:11
It's a very personal and intense question, so far things have been very light between us. When I've known her for more than a week, we can discuss more serious things.
I agree with you and I think that you are sweet for being sensitive to that situation.
You don't know the circumstances behind her divorce and I agree with Betty that even if her divorce was unbiblical, God can forgive all things. If she has reconciled with God, then I don't think that the reason behind the divorce is all that important in this stage of the relationship.
Just trust in the Lord and you can't go wrong
Be very carefull...
I know a man who met a woman who said she was a Christian and she convinced two meetings that she was dedicated to the Lord.
Wow... what I'm about to tell you will curl your toes.
They got married and he found out that she had $200,000.00 of debt. First red flag.
She said that she loved the outdoors and walking... not so after marriage. Second red flag.
She stopped attending the church meeting. Third red flag
She wanted her name added to all his assets and a cruise or a trip to Hawaii. Fourth red flag
When he refused she left... no comment or explanation. Fifth red flag
She came back to get her things... this is what she said... and while there called 911 and filed a false report which landed him in jail. Sixth red flag
They gave his key to her and barred him from going near his house for 10 days. Seventh red flag
She took everything he had and moved it out... when he came back it was empty. Eighth red flag
Only thing that was saved was his accounts and house that was still in his name.
She had all the right answers because she was raised and worked for the Salvation Army. Her brother retired from the Salvation Army also.
If I didn't know this man for 62 years I would have suspected some abuse on his part. What a lesson to learn at that age.
LOOK OUT! YOU COULD BE NEXT...
In Tent City
Id say your jumping the gun... while it is good to earn trust, it sounds like Dave is taking it slow and he is aware of his 3 points of contact. I defintely like advice like yours, but he didnt say he was marrying her and he is taking it slowBe very carefull...
I know a man who met a woman who said she was a Christian and she convinced two meetings that she was dedicated to the Lord.
Wow... what I'm about to tell you will curl your toes.
They got married and he found out that she had $200,000.00 of debt. First red flag.
She said that she loved the outdoors and walking... not so after marriage. Second red flag.
She stopped attending the church meeting. Third red flag
She wanted her name added to all his assets and a cruise or a trip to Hawaii. Fourth red flag
When he refused she left... no comment or explanation. Fifth red flag
She came back to get her things... this is what she said... and while there called 911 and filed a false report which landed him in jail. Sixth red flag
They gave his key to her and barred him from going near his house for 10 days. Seventh red flag
She took everything he had and moved it out... when he came back it was empty. Eighth red flag
Only thing that was saved was his accounts and house that was still in his name.
She had all the right answers because she was raised and worked for the Salvation Army. Her brother retired from the Salvation Army also.
If I didn't know this man for 62 years I would have suspected some abuse on his part. What a lesson to learn at that age.
LOOK OUT! YOU COULD BE NEXT...
"This rock in Horeb was typical of Christ" and its yielding water when struck by Moses signifies "that the Mediator must receive the blows of the law, before he could be the source of salvation to a parched and perishing world." ~ Henry Melvill
Did I say Dave was getting married? Sorry that was not my intent.
Don't guess too lowor she'll come out underage.........and thats illegal.
We're still having fun, have played golf a few times and gone to dinner and lunch out. I'd like to invite her over to my place for dinner and a movie. Think it's too soon? We're very comfortable together, I'm getting tired of going out all the time though, I'd like to have her over for a romantic dinner.
I'm Third
[What does a "romantic" dinner involve?
Why did she divorce?
With Love
In Christ
-Michael
"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." Rev. 4:11
Romantic means.... well a gourmet dinner served to her so she knows that I appreciate her, and that she is worth doing special things for. Not physical romance.
We finally had the "divorce" talk. Her husband wanted out of the marriage so he could spend his life playing. Personally I think he was playing around, but she didn't specifically say that.
this dude just met a lady, they've gone out a few times... and people are flipping out suggesting they go get counseling and even suggesting he's an unwitting victim of a scam artist!!!
big deal, she's divorced. so what?
look bro... go have fun! enjoy life! when the reason she got divorced comes up, it comes up.
some of these folks have gone way overboard. if you want some down to earth advice from a 30 somethin' that's been there and done it, PM me.
lol i'm sure these folks have your best interest at heart... but good golly!
- mike
Be very carefull...
I know a man who met a woman who said she was a Christian and she convinced two meetings that she was dedicated to the Lord.
Wow... what I'm about to tell you will curl your toes.
They got married and he found out that she had $200,000.00 of debt. First red flag.
She said that she loved the outdoors and walking... not so after marriage. Second red flag.
She stopped attending the church meeting. Third red flag
She wanted her name added to all his assets and a cruise or a trip to Hawaii. Fourth red flag
When he refused she left... no comment or explanation. Fifth red flag
She came back to get her things... this is what she said... and while there called 911 and filed a false report which landed him in jail. Sixth red flag
They gave his key to her and barred him from going near his house for 10 days. Seventh red flag
She took everything he had and moved it out... when he came back it was empty. Eighth red flag
Only thing that was saved was his accounts and house that was still in his name.
She had all the right answers because she was raised and worked for the Salvation Army. Her brother retired from the Salvation Army also.
If I didn't know this man for 62 years I would have suspected some abuse on his part. What a lesson to learn at that age.
LOOK OUT! YOU COULD BE NEXT...
Quite frankly I'm no good at giving advice, so I won't. Someone once said, looking for advice is actually roping in an accomplice! Anyway, I've reached the point in my life where I see things rather differently :
I'm too old to be embarrased
I'm too old to try and impress someone
I know what/who/why I am
And by this I'm not talking about physical attributes, more likely personality traits, character and my opinions and point of view as I'm rather eccentric and "different".
So if I had to meet someone and go on a "date", they'd really have to be understanding, considerate, humane and very accepting!
BUT on 2nd thoughts - If I can be an "accomplice" to this, the best advice I'd give is this :
JUST BE YOURSELF
Psalm 107
I was going to bring up the same thing that Zaphnaathpaaneah:
"And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery." -Mark 10:11,12
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." -Matthew 5:32
"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." -Matthew 19:9
---------------------------------------------
We are not trying to "rain on your parade." As believers, we are just telling you the Word of God. Depending on this gal's past, you may commit adultery if you marry her. Jesus said it.
Betty: I know you aren't asking me, but as far as I have heard: You can repent of that sin if you are already locked into a new marriage, and it was done in ignorance. However, it should not be something done deliberately, knowing the Word of God, then planning to ask forgiveness later. (With deliberately sinning in marrying somebody, it can feel like a daily, ongoing sin that doesn't stop, even after you ask forgiveness).
Last edited by RefinedbyFire; May 29th, 2007 at 11:09 AM.
And Jesus said to her, Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more. (John 8:11b, NKJV)Marvel not that I said to you, You must be born again. -Jesus (John 3:7, NKJV)
ok so if this guy marries the divorcee, he's commiting adultry?
i'm divorced and remarried. my wife was divorced. so we're commiting adultry? is this what you're saying? or implying that the Bible is telling me this? i don't think so.
Psalm 107
^Jesus said it in His Word. So, it is so.
The Lord hates divorce (Malachi 2:16)
"For I hate putting away, saith Jehovah, the God of Israel" (ASV)
"For I detest divorce - said the LORD, the God of Israel" (NJPS)
'"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel' (NIV)
"For I hate divorce, says the LORD, the God of Israel" (RSV; NRSV)
The Gospel shows:
1) If you divorce your wife, and you do not have Biblical grounds (she has to have committed fornication or adultery), then you have sinned, and cannot remarry without sinning again.
2) The same applies to the wife, if she divorces her husband in unBiblical grounds. She is not free to remarry without sinning again.
3) If Biblical grounds did not back-up the cause for the divorce, then whoever remarries the divorced person commits adultery.
Those rules reveal the Lord's hatred for divorce, and that taking vows before God is something to take serious, when He joins two flesh as one flesh. It definitely is not a sin to take lightly and needs to be repented of (change your mind about it, and don't do it anymore).
Last edited by RefinedbyFire; May 29th, 2007 at 12:36 PM.
And Jesus said to her, Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more. (John 8:11b, NKJV)Marvel not that I said to you, You must be born again. -Jesus (John 3:7, NKJV)
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