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Thread: Jokes that need Scottish accents

  1. #1
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    Default Jokes that need Scottish accents

    Q: What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
    A: Bing sings, but Walt Disney.


    Short-sighted Scotsman to a baker: Is that a doughnut, or a meringue?
    Baker: You’re right—it’s a doughnut.
    The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
    Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
    (Psa 19:1b-2)

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    You are right, Hoot. You need to understand the accent

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    i tried, but totally failed!

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    ***Chortle***
    Matthew 22:36-40

    36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" 37 And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' 38 "This is the great and foremost commandment. 39 "The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' 40 "On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

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    Quote Originally Posted by icebear View Post
    i tried, but totally failed!
    Here's some help with the first joke. Disney (Scottish accent) translates to Does not.

    Now figure out the second one for me.
    Matthew 22:36-40

    36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" 37 And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' 38 "This is the great and foremost commandment. 39 "The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' 40 "On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

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    a mirage?

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    or ahm-er rrroong (am I wrong)?
    It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

    John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

    “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wally View Post
    or ahm-er rrroong (am I wrong)?
    The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
    Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
    (Psa 19:1b-2)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anddra View Post
    You are right, Hoot. You need to understand the accent
    I knew you would like that.
    The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
    Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
    (Psa 19:1b-2)

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    DD1 Loves Gerald Butler ...herrrrritage Ah guss.

    Listening to Galic Storm helps too.

    Show us your Wellies!
    It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

    John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

    “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”

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    Two cows in a field, which one is on holiday?
    The one with the wee calf!
    The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
    Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
    (Psa 19:1b-2)

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    Have a Guiness, Hoot.

    Record that is...

    Most silly Scottish jokes in an hour.
    It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

    John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

    “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”

  14. #14
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    The classic example for the need of translating Scottish:

    Greens Keeper: "I want you to go and kill all the GALFERS..."

    Bill Murray: "Excuse me, but if I go and kill all the golfers, they'll lock me up..."

    Greens Keeper: "No! NOT the galfers...the GALFERS!"

    galfers = golfers
    GALFERS = gophers

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    I actually got the first one.


    Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

    A closed mouth gathers no feet. Unknown

    Inside there's a thin woman trying to get out.
    I'm keeping her sedated with chocolate

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hootmon View Post



    That one had me completely stumped.


    Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

    A closed mouth gathers no feet. Unknown

    Inside there's a thin woman trying to get out.
    I'm keeping her sedated with chocolate

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    A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?" The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

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    Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

    A closed mouth gathers no feet. Unknown

    Inside there's a thin woman trying to get out.
    I'm keeping her sedated with chocolate

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    Q: What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
    A: Bing sings, but Walt Disney.
    Hootmon, that's hilarious.

    One place I worked employed a lot of Asians, and we also had a girl from Scotland working with us. Well, on her breaks, she would ask the other females something like this;

    "Ygat nee lotion inye lockuh?" (Do you have any lotion in your locker?)
    Well, it was hard enough for any of us to understand her, but the Asians used to get a look on their face like all of a sudden they didn't know any English anymore? They'd even ask us, "Was she speaking English?"
    Last edited by Daniel1210; September 17th, 2009 at 10:55 PM.
    "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
    Abraham Lincoln

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    Oh Anddra......
    It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

    John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

    “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”

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