I have a serious question...

[peaceseeker]

Why do young women today dress and look so... let's see...what's the word I'm looking for here...provocatively? THAT'S IT! Provocative.

Seriously, my daughter in law and ALL of her friends (which are many) dress like street-walkers. These women (in their late 30's & early 40's) are wives and mothers and they ALL talk about male movie stars and male country music performers (especially Kenny Chesney) as if they want to have sex with them immediately! Their pictures on Facebook are always those that predominantly show at least half of their breasts, all of their midriffs and even quite a bit of their bottoms, and they pose in such positions trying to make themselves look as provocative as possible.

I know that I'm almost 60 but, in my day I could turn a few heads myself. However, I NEVER, EVER, wanted to be photographed in any such manner. I NEVER talked about another man in such a way as they do. I saved all that stuff for my husband in the bedroom, KWIM?

Anyone have any wisdom they can share on this? I really want to know what's up with all of this.

[Cherished]

My answer to this is that they are trying desperately to fill a hole in which only Christ can fill. Many women today find stock in who they are by what men think of them. It is a product of poor male leadership in the home. Many women are hurting, and trying to find anything they can to stop that hurting. For many women, they find empowerment (albeit false) in being able to manipulate a man. I think it is just the outward manifestation of an inward brokenness.

[peaceseeker]

Wow! It's 'strange' that you should mention the manipulation thing Cherished. Because my DIL completely controls and manipulates my son and she's extremely provacative with the other males in the family. Even my 86 year old father! My husband just shakes his head and rebuffs her. I guess it's a good thing we don't see them anymore. They have been estranged for years.

[sunshine2777]

Why do young women today dress and look so... let's see...what's the word I'm looking for here...provacatively? THAT'S IT! Provacative.

Seriously, my daughter in law and ALL of her friends (which are many) dress like street-walkers. These women (in their late 30's & early 40's) are wives and mothers and they ALL talk about male movie stars and male country music performers (especially Kenny Chesney) as if they want to have sex with them immediately! Their pictures on Facebook are always those that predominantly show at least half of their breasts, all of their midriffs and even quite a bit of their bottoms, and they pose in such positions trying to make themselves look as provocative as possible.

I know that I'm almost 60 but, in my day I could turn a few heads myself. However, I NEVER, EVER, wanted to be photographed in any such manner. I NEVER talked about another man in such a way as they do. I saved all that stuff for my husband in the bedroom, KWIM?

Anyone have any wisdom they can share on this? I really want to know what's up with all of this.

I would never think to have all the answers but part of what you are seeing is what is happening in our society...... alot of moms are acting the same age as their teen daughters... including how they dress... this youth oriented culture is behind alot of it... EVERYTHING is about how young you look, how attractive you are, etc. And it doesnt take much channel surfing to see that sex has taken over the airways just about everywhere. Sex is considered just a part of life like eating, drinking, etc. so unless a person has Christ in their life and KNOWS right from wrong, down the river of our culture they happily go. That is what you are seeing. I'm aware of it and I still get blown away when I see it.

[watching4Him]

Thank God, my teen daughter likes to cover up. This last summer she was in tears because almost she tried on didn't cover much of any thing. She is not big thru the chest, but wants to dress modest. She & her younger sister are both being taught that the only man to see their bodies are their husbands when they marry someday. Unless of course the rapture happens. But even I refuse to look at some of the clothes that are markered to women. Good grief I'm, a mom of two yound daughters & pushing toward fifty. Even when I was younger I wanted to cover up, the only men who have seen me is my DH & any males doctors along the way.

[ILoveJesus]

Peaceseeker, I am with you here. In my workplace, (and outside the workplace as well) alot of women wear very tight clothing. Im talking so tight, you see every nook and cranny.

And when I try to indulge them in a conversation (I am curious to their mindset), all that comes out is BET this and Kanye West this, nothing really important.
And the way they view men as if they are some consolation prize to being the "sluttiest" or most tight clothed. I don't get it

What disappoints me is . . . Would you want your daughter to act in such a manner? To dress like a streetwalker? Think like one?

I make sure that when my daughter looks at her mother, she sees a woman of stature, morals, principles, of intelligence, and Godly. Not worldly.

I believe it's like what Cherished posted above. There is something empty they fill, some type of void. And they find ways to fill it with clothes, men, shoes, purses, cars, houses, rings, earrings, electronics, food, etc. They see this as a type of void to get the nessecary attention they think will help fill that void.

When in the end, that void is still there and only JESUS can fill it 100%.

[peaceseeker]

Peaceseeker, I am with you here. In my workplace, (and outside the workplace as well) alot of women wear very tight clothing. Im talking so tight, you see every nook and cranny.

And when I try to indulge them in a conversation (I am curious to their mindset), all that comes out is BET this and Kanye West this, nothing really important.
And the way they view men as if they are some consolation prize to being the "sluttiest" or most tight clothed. I don't get it

What disappoints me is . . . Would you want your daughter to act in such a manner? To dress like a streetwalker? Think like one?

I make sure that when my daughter looks at her mother, she sees a woman of stature, morals, principles, of intelligence, and Godly. Not worldly.

I believe it's like what Cherished posted above. There is something empty they fill, some type of void. And they find ways to fill it with clothes, men, shoes, purses, cars, houses, rings, earrings, electronics, food, etc. They see this as a type of void to get the nessecary attention they think will help fill that void.

When in the end, that void is still there and only JESUS can fill it 100%.

I've been thinking about the lack of male/fatherly teaching and it doesn't hold water in my daughter's case. I'm more inclined to think it's a lack of godly mothering, at least from my perspective.

My daughter grew up without her father. He is an alcoholic. We divorced when she was 13 years old and he didn't want to see her anymore. She didn't have a father, per se, even when we were still married. He was always gone from home on drinking binges and when he was at home, he was abusive and neglectful. However, I have tried to model a godly woman and mother before her and today, in spite of not having a father in her life, she is an awesome Christian woman, wife, and mother. She is drop dead gorgeous (and no, I'm not the least bit prejudiced) but she covers herself modestly and looks good in whatever she has on. I'm so very proud of her. She is married to wonderful man who provides well for his family so that she only works part time because she wants to now that their daughter is in school. I'm just thinking out loud....

And yes, ONLY Jesus can fill every void in our lives. I'm so glad He saved ME!

[ivote4Jesus]

I agree if a daughter has a mother that is a good moral example then the daughter is more likely to follow in the attributes of her mother. My mom never drank, cussed or dressed inappropriately. I have strived to be like her in that way. I had a great dad and he was strict with us but we never really gave our parents much trouble. I think because we respected our parents it in some ways helped us to respect ourselves. Which helped us live a more Godly lifestyle.

[jadeeyes]

I can't answer this question for anyone else. I can only tell you why I dressed provocatively when I was younger, before I was a Christian. I didn't feel loved. I grew up feeling like my Mother didn't love me and I believed that I had lost my Father's love because he was disappointed in me. I desparately wanted someone to love me. I had a nice figure, was told I had beautiful hair and the best legs, so I tried to play up what I thought were my best features. I felt inside like I was worthless and unlovable. If I could just get a man to overlook my deeply flawed personality and love me for the way I looked, maybe he woulod grow to love me in spite of myself. I didn't really associate a compliment on my looks to be a sign of love and I didn't really believe that just because a man had a desire for me meant he loved me. I just really hoped that a good man would be attracted to me for my looks and that attraction would eventually lead to love. Crazy thinking, I know, but my Mother always emphasized looks so I thought my looks were very important.

[antsinmypants]

Some of it is what our culture tells/shows us over and over. Some has to do with how we are raised and valued, and some has to do with our religious upbringing.

I highly reccommend a couple of books I had mentioned in the thread "What are you reading?" - starting with the "born dancing" book and the books by Barbara Hunter.

When I was dressing more provocatively, it had to do with culture - what I saw and heard day to day, including from my grandfather -- "If you got it, flaunt it" -- and other similars.. I made a change when I was being convinced to cover my hair (1 Cor 11 & other passages), as you can't easily wear things that are low cut or cut high when you are so modest with that part of yourself.

you'd also be surprised how many husbands want their wives to dress in a provocative manner, so they can show them off.

[TwinklingOfanEye]

I never dressed provocatively. Even before i became a Christian. I guess naturally i was always too shy or something.

Plus it's like WHY would i even want to dress all revealing? It's kind of embarrassing. I remember one time i was on a bus and holding on to the railing above, and my shirt raised up and a guy in front of me saw that, i felt annoyed and embarrassed. Its like, what are YOU looking at? That wasn't meant for you.

I don't know, for me personally, it makes me uncomfortable. I also could never figure out why so many women feel the NEED to show off so much skin and have men staring with only one thing on their minds. Then they complain all ever men think about is sex!

I also think women dress that way because they feel they're supposed to, also because they feel that's the only way to get mens attention, and also because they LOVE that attention. I find it a bit embarrassing for me personally. And no, i am not a prude, i dont mind showing off my figure, but in more of a tame way, not with skin all exposed and such.. I just like to wear clothes that flatter my figure, but not like i am advertising myself. I do believe there is a difference.

I knew a girl once that seemed not to be able to dress "normal." And what i mean by that, come rain or shine, hot or cold weather, she just HAD to dress with either cleavage showing, or her midriff showing. I found that to be somewhat pathetic.

[futurehope]

The answer to "why" do women dress provocatively?

My conclusion:

WOMEN'S LIB + THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL

Women's Lib came along in the sixties and taught women that to have sex outside of marriage and use birth control was their right. Women should be able to enjoy what men have always enjoyed (now that the pill was on the market).

Trouble is: The cost of behaving "loosely" is no self-respect at all. This is the complete opposite of what women's lib wanted for women. They wanted women to have respect, and the same enjoyment of sex without ties or commitment, but instead, we now have women who dress in such a way, that they are not respected at all. They sell the view of their bodies' for love and closeness.

IT WAS ALL A LIE. Women's Lib singlehandedly drove scores of women to have less respect for themselves, and to be respected as OBJECTS instead of for the talents they have. This was the exact opposite outcome that Women's Lib wanted. They wanted MORE respect for women

Trouble is, you sell your soul for sexual pleasure, and you get no respect at all from men. I guess the ideal for women's libbers is to leave men out of the equation entirely, IYKWIM?

Thank you women's lib and Margaret Sanger for your birth control pill. NOT. You have degraded women and we have you to thank.

IT WAS ALL A LIE. And you know who is the father of lies.

That's my opinion.

[autumnrain]

this youth oriented culture is behind alot of it... EVERYTHING is about how young you look, how attractive you are, etc

true,true.
also i think it's for ATTENTION.

I get tired of seeing Cleavage! especially on the gals that host the news.

[ILoveJesus]

I wouldn't say I used to dress provocatively, but I did in a time of my youth, wear tight jeans, and low cut blouses. At that time during my teen years, that attention from men was something I was searching more and looking for, because I hadn't recieved much from my father. So yea, that is also a big cause.

Ever since becoming really close to Christ, I find tight clothing, revealing clothes, etc, very, very annoying, even disrespectful.

You are giving men PERMISSION to LUST after you.

That is never a good thing.

[ChristiRenee]

It's our society which glorifies sex, sensuality and the female form. It says that beauty is everything, that what we look like is who we are. If we show signs of aging, we have to do something about it for we are not valuable if we get old. That added with feminism and birth control have led women to succumb to their desire to control men and they know the one way they can do it is through the power of their beauty.

It's really not new. We have been this way forever ... it's just a lot more accepted now. I recently rented a movie called Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, I had heard it was a cute movie and that there wasn't a lot of sex stuff in it ... WHOOBOY! They were WRONG! I had to turn it off, I was physically getting sick. I've seen quite a few movies lately that have to do with men/women who abhor the thought of marriage and would never want to sentence themself to the prision of being with one person for the rest of their life, and in doing so they lead extremely selfish lives destroying everyone who they get to fall in love with them. It's almost like a right of passage or a bragging right to say that you are a "stud" or you can "get" whomever you want. I saw another show the other day where these two beautiful girls (twins) got nose jobs b/c they didn't like how their noses had a bulb at the end. When they showed them after the surgery, they looked like barbie dolls, but they lost their "cuteness" completely. They looks like every other hollywood starlet, they had nothing unique about them anymore. They erased the way God made them in order to fit the way society says we should look. It made me so sad.

[April]

I know a person at work who wears the type of clothes that look like a WILD Animal Chewed part of it off or they left it in the DRYER too long.

She is young in her 20's. And it is For Getting Any Attention. She wants to feel needed. And if, she can make someone turn their head it makes her feel empowered.

We talked allot at work. I told her She is Beautiful and doesn't need to wear Clothes like those, to get attention.
She has started to change her wardrobe around....it is a Start...

[marie2]

That is a very good question that i wish more would ask. i think it is a shame that this generation of young women and girls have grown up with many bad examples of what a woman should be. as some of you have said some mom's and grandma's dress more "slutty" than teenagers, what does that say to a girl about "respect" and "decency". at one time those clothes told people what type of woman you were by just wearing them, ( prostitutes and whores). Now God forgive them, you can't even see a good christian book without a picture on the cover of a woman showing 90% of her breast or jeans SO tight they look raunchy. and as many of you have said, the men of this generation except there wives, daughters and or girlfriends shaming them both in the vulgar way they dress. a woman could not get away with that in the 1800"s, men would not put up with it. To me that is SO sad. what does that say about some women? i praise God for those of you ladies out there setting a good Godly example of dress for our girls of today. and for men who have the backbone to speak up and tell the truth to women about how it lowers there view of them. i hate the way so many women dress in public causing men to leer vulgarly at them, it feels like being caught in someones bedroom! And when the one doing the tempting is suppose to be a christian, God help them.

[Robinbobbin]

I think there are a lot of answers to this question, and for each woman dressing this way the answer is different.

I agree with the poster who said its cultural. Unfortunately, in our culture its all about youth and looking young. If you don't look fashionable, you don't get a second look - and to many young people, that is important. Next time you go to the dentist's office, look at how women dress in the magazines on the table -- those are the images young women are bombarded with daily. That and the images on Desperate Housewives and all the other shows on TV.

Professionally, it also never hurts a woman to dress attractively. Not provocatively, but attractively. Unfortunately, to a lot of women who don't know the difference, this means provacatively. My DH works at a company with a lot of young women. It drives him crazy. The ones who dress immodestly are usually immodest in their conversation as well. He knows WAY more about their personal life than he ever possibly would want to -- it makes him very uncomfortable. But, because culturally women are told to act like vixens and dress like vixens, its how many non-Christian women choose to comport themselves.

I also agree with the PP about some husbands wanting their wives to dress that way. A good friend wears very low cut blouses specifically because her husband finds it attractive. Both are Christians by the way.

When I was in college I wore a lot of short skirts. Looking back, I'm mortified by how short they actually were. But, DH loved it, and I wanted to look good to him. Obviously, neither of us were putting Christ first. That said, that experience is convicting to us both, and we'll be teaching our DD differently.

[marie2]

Matthew 18:7 says " Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come but woe to the man (person) through whom they come. (niv) this is Jesus Christ our Lord speaking. Lust is a big problem for many men today because of the seductive, vulgar dress styles. Jesus said Woe! unto the person that causes another to sin! i wonder how many women of today think about that as they dress themselves for public. How many of these hubands think about that when they ask there wives to go out in public dressed in a seductive (lustful way) ? i'm talking christain people, not the lost. what does that say to the lost? why would anyone tear down (tempt) there christian brother or sister to sin? or anyone for that matter. God help us to be a true light to a lost and dying world.

[countrycowgirl]

I know before I was saved, and even a few backslidden after, it seemed like every guy I went out on a date with expected sex on the second or third date! I've never dressed loosely, too shy and I've never really thought I was all that cute, and I have to admit I fell for it once. I ended up having 2 children with him then when we broke up I was having a hard time dealing with it and went to a counselor. She actually told me to go out and find some guys and I was behind other girls my age and younger! She said most girls have had 20-30 different partners by the time they were 21!!!! It made me sick and she couldn't understand why I would have a problem with that. I quit going after that but it was a real eye opener. I'm 34 now I was 26 then.