Serious negatives to homeschooling?

[Aneriz]

We homeschooled 3+ years. We have two girls and one boy. This year we decided to send them all to a private christian school just a few miles from our house.

The positives for us were many to hs, like being done at noon, great field trips, each child's learning style, being able to study what subject they really wanted, our evenings were our own, no homework!

The negatives for us were, I have a special needs child and he was taking all my time from my other two girls. He is autistic, with anxiety disorder and mood disorder. I burned out and my girls really began to dislike all his behaviors. It also allowed him to become more autistic (I hope you know what I am saying here), because he didn't have to hold it together like he would if family wasn't around.

Now my case is unique, but I am thankful I was able to HS those three plus years. Like everyone else has said you really have to take negative criticism with a grain of salt. If God leads you to HS then don't worry about what other's say!

I also have your situation. My oldest has a strong learning disability and was distracted really easy. I would end up screaming at the tow youngest to be quiet or run them out of the room. I also felt after a year that he needed the intervention of the specialist in things like motor cordination and speech. By being home I could not afford private lessons.

My 2nd son had a big brother that was non verbal and was dying to go to preschool with other regular kids.

Now the two youngest are in a Christain private school and my oldest in a Special Class in public school. They are all doing great.

We have many relatives that homeschool and are full of success stories. When one has a special needs child, one becomes a "special need family". It really takes a village .

Blessings.

[CircleSlide]

When one has a special needs child, one becomes a "special need family".

Blessings.

Isn't that the truth! My two "normal" girls really get the short end of the straw sometimes, they handle it well though.

[christianmom]

I've yet to see the negative side to home schooling. My son will graduate fall 2008 but he will be going to college for dual credit starting this fall. His grades were dropping considerably in public school. He's gifted and had been getting straight A report cards until he got to middle school.

In 5th grade the school he was attending at the time lost him and we couldn't find him for hours. It was the good Lord that helped us find him. The school new they were at fault and well, you should have seen/heard me. I went ballistic on the principal and then on the cops. We pulled him out the following week.

He then wanted to go back to public school and he went back for 7th and 8th grades. He excelled only because he was in a magnet school but when he went back to high school; it was bad, really bad. I pulled him out at the beginning of his freshman year. He just took the THEA test for his entrance to the local college. He did awesome.

My 9 yr old daughter is so much better off since we pulled her out in 2nd grade. Her math scores and her reading have improved tremendously.

I would do what your heart tells you. It's between you and God.

[lisa]

EmmieAZ, is there any update on your situation?

I've been teaching public school for going on 11 years now. I've always thought that homeschooled kids have an advantage over just about any kid that comes out of public school. If for no other reason, the teacher/student ratio can't be beat!

Parent wishes trump grandparent wishes in this department.

anyway, just my $0.02.

[adam423]

I get the Homeschool Minute emailed to me from The Old Schoolhouse Magazine. I don't know why I kept this email...maybe for you.


The Old Schoolhouse Magazine
Home Where They Belong
August 1, 2007

Dear Deana,

Do you have some naysayers in your life? Folks who just always seem to question your homeschool at every turn?

I think that's a shame. So many well-intentioned family members, church members, or friends really sabotage the people they love with their negativity. Here's the thing though. Dealing with that criticism can really help grow you out of being a people-pleaser. It can help to remind you to keep your focus on the Audience of One.

It's an opportunity for people to see that you can love them unconditionally even in the face of criticism and for your children to see your commitment to follow where God leads you even when others don't understand.

So some good can come out of a bad situation. Your confidence will grow over the years and the criticism won't always bother you as much. Don't let them steal your joy. God will affirm your decision to homeschool. Just keep your eyes on Him.

Enjoy every minute!


THM Editor



Mercy in the Morning
Deborah Wuehler, TOS Senior Editor


There seems to be in every extended family, someone who saps all your joy and drains all your energy. And that's when you're not even around them! Just the thought of that person makes you sigh with discouragement.

I just got a phone message yesterday from that someone trying to place unwarranted guilt on me once again. I began to come up with all the things I would say to that person, but stopped in the middle of my angry thoughts. What should I do? Rather than meditate and fume, I knew I needed to "Do the Word."

In Matthew we are told to pray for those who speak all manner of evil against us. That doesn't mean the kind of prayer that says, "I hope you zap them before I blow up on them again!" It's the kind of prayer for their very souls; that God would draw them to Himself; that God would give you wisdom in dealing with them; that God would open their eyes to see Him; that God would soften your heart towards them; that God's Word would reveal to them what your words have failed to reveal to them.

What I'm talking about here is a change of focus. Rather than focusing on how much they hurt you, or how much they don't understand you, or how wrong they are, the focus changes to God. How much He loves them, how much value He places on them. He places so much value on them that He died for them as well as you. He desires their change of heart ever more than you could begin to realize.

There's a reason we are admonished to "think on those things that are pure and lovely and of a good report." There is a reason we are told to "cast our cares" on Him and to "fix our eyes" on Him. The reason is our freedom - freedom from the discouragement that could so easily swallow us up; freedom to praise God instead of ponder that other person's actions; freedom to pray for those whom no one else may be praying for; freedom to follow God's commands rather than our own emotions.

Yes, it's hard. But know this, you are not alone. We are in this together. And as the words of the song so succinctly say, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."*

Turning with you,
Deborah




Schoolhouse Spotlight
Dena Wood, Schoolhouse Store Manager


Personally, I don't spend much time or energy trying to convince or argue with others about our choice to homeschool. I WILL talk with those who express a genuine interest and desire to understand. Usually, the difference is obvious. It has been my experience that the results (both in academics and behavior) speak for themselves.

I have adopted a trick a young lady shared with me. I don't remember the specific circumstances but someone at our youth camp was sharing an opinion that was way off base. This teen came over to me and whispered the phrase, "smile and nod, smile and nod." It still cracks me up. Sometimes the best response is to just, "smile and nod." Choose to feel amusement toward the speaker, rather than anger.

That said, the ability to express our thoughts, feelings and beliefs clearly and succinctly IS important, especially when faced with an audience willing to listen. JoJo Tabares of The Art of Eloquence offers a wonderful series aimed at teaching your children these skills. Her Know Your Audience, Say What You Mean, and Defending the Faith products teach your children how to speak with confidence. With programs geared for preschoolers through adult, the whole family can get some practice in effective speaking!

"I purchased JoJo's books, Say What You Mean and Know Your Audience for my almost teenage son. I quickly perused the books before giving them to my son. So many of the subjects caught my eye and I ended up reading them myself first!. I found the studies to be very informative, covering all aspects of communication, not just the spoken word. They were written in a style that would appeal to pre-teens , teenagers and adults. My son read both books and told me he "enjoyed" them (his word) and learned some things he has already put into practice with his education.. I highly recommend JoJo's work and will be purchasing the new books when they are published." -Carla


It's Just Common Sense
Ruth Beechick, Curriculum Specialist

Family members are negative? I say don't waste too much energy trying to convince them now. Let time and your results work. At a family gathering one of these negative members said to the homeschool mom, "Your daughter is the only one who stays around to help clean the kitchen while everyone else runs off to play." Even then the mom was careful not to give an I-told-you-so response. She let the results work and omitted the arguments.

Showing off academic results is easier than you think, because few people know how to judge academic progress. The whole world seems to think that spelling is the benchmark, so be sure your children's letters to relatives have perfect spelling. Children need some writing projects, anyway, to correct and recopy until it's right, and this will motivate them to do that.

Also, if the handwriting is neat that impresses people. Neat handwriting requires two features: 1) proper letter forms, and 2)uniform height and slant. Letter forms are easy. Just have a letter chart the children can refer to as long as they need to. Most children can achieve good uniformity with a crash course in about two weeks. Use exaggerated rhythm, with strong downstrokes. (See more details in You Can Teach Your Child Successfully, pages 128-132.)

You probably do not see spelling and handwriting as the most important parts of your education, but many people judge by those visible signs. A child can now and then share a good paper or project with a visitor, but don't overdo this and look pushy. In time your results will convince the family.

-Ruth

The Familyman
Todd Wilson, Familyman Ministries

Dealing with negative family members is kind of a given when you homeschool. I mean who doesn't have an "Aunt Nelly" who at every Christmas gathering asks, "So how much longer are you going to homeschool? You certainly aren't going to do it in High school, are you?"

Now you could pray that God would take Aunt Nellie 'home' before your kids get to the high school years, fake a cold and miss the next 20 Christmases, or wear dark glasses and a fake mustache and hope she doesn't recognize you, but that would be too easy.

Instead, you need to take the "Aunt Nellie by the horns" and stand firm in the convictions you hold.

Now, I need to direct my next comments to the dads out there. (I'm sure "the girls" will have plenty of good advice for you moms).
So Dad, this is one issue where you need to stand up and be your wife's knight in shining armor. When those challenges and questions arise from family members, you must step up to the plate and allow your wife to hide behind you. You need to be the one delivering the answers (if possible).

For example, you might need to say, "Yes, Aunt Nellie, we are still homeschooling and we'll keep doing it until we feel like it's no longer the best option for our family."

You may even need to pull your aunt, parents, or in-laws aside and say, "When you say those things, you really discourage my wife. I know you don't mean to, but you need to stop."

That, my fellow Dad, is how you deal with negative family members.

Be Real,
Todd

[BereanGirl_21]

Im a homeschool grad. I can not think of a single downside.

[Kliska]

Question, just 'cuz I'm curious. Someone talked of socialization. We didn't even have all those kind of clubs in school! What about people who live in very rural environments, where there are no non-school related clubs to join save 4-H? How would one make sure their kids get plenty of peer contact?

By the way I think homeschooling is the way to go! (Don't have kids, just wanting more info.)

[adam423]

Question, just 'cuz I'm curious. Someone talked of socialization. We didn't even have all those kind of clubs in school! What about people who live in very rural environments, where there are no non-school related clubs to join save 4-H? How would one make sure their kids get plenty of peer contact?

By the way I think homeschooling is the way to go! (Don't have kids, just wanting more info.)

In my area, we have a several home school support groups. I know that many of these kids that are a part of it are in rural areas. Our families get together for gym enrichment, writing clubs, field trips, youth events, etc.

My kids are more active in clubs and sports than when they were in public school. I even rearranged my work schedule so my children can regularly attend these events.

[lisaann]

Question, just 'cuz I'm curious. Someone talked of socialization. We didn't even have all those kind of clubs in school! What about people who live in very rural environments, where there are no non-school related clubs to join save 4-H? How would one make sure their kids get plenty of peer contact?

By the way I think homeschooling is the way to go! (Don't have kids, just wanting more info.)

I don't really consider the kind of socialization that kids get in regular school to be good. When you stick a child with other kids their own age for 6-8 hours a day for 12 years they don't learn to interact with other age groups. Parents are scratching their heads wondering why their teen won't talk to them and treat their younger brothers and sisters terribly. Well, it isn't that hard to figure out when you consider who they are with the majority of the day.

Homeschool kids are usually exposed to a variety of ages and learn to communicate with all of them appropriately. The bond between older and younger siblings is usually very strong and loving because they haven't been taught by their peers to look down on younger children. They trust adults and can hold intelligent conversations with them. I would say that this is proper socialization. I'm not saying they shouldn't have friends their own age but scripture say that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, so why do we think it is so important that they spend most of their time with other foolish children?

Colleges and the military are tripping over themselves to recruit homeschoolers because they know that they are generally more ready for the adult world. On the whole they are more responsible and usually have a better education.

Homeschool children are often known to play with their toys much longer than regular school children. They are not pushed to grow up too fast. I think this is a great benefit to them in many ways. They develop a very good imagination and they also play out their childhood to the fullest extent so when it is time to be a grown up they can put their childishness behind them.


BTW I have a bumper sticker that says "Caution Unsocialized Homeschoolers On Board"

[ChayilWoman]

At this moment in my kitchen are four little girls - ages 8, 6, 2, and 1, all sitting and coloring together. I have never heard the 8 year old say to the 6 year old "You can't play with me...only 4th graders are allowed here!" But I hear kids who go to public school say those kind of things all the time. Lisaann, I absolutely agree with what you said. Who says children are supposed to only spend time with children their own age? In the 6,000 years of human history I would think that is a relatively new concept.

[adam423]

BTW I have a bumper sticker that says "Caution Unsocialized Homeschoolers On Board"

Cute!

[ninesixteen]

I have always admired those who choose to homeschool, because it is such a commitment, and a wonderful one at that! I have only personally known one person who was home schooled who I met in college. I asked her once about the social aspects of it and she said that she felt that was the one thing she really missed, because when she got to college, she was really naive of a lot of the things that were happening around her. She felt sheltered growing up, and when she got to college it was like stepping out into a world she had no idea about, and got lured right in. She came from a very strong christian foundation. Anyway, I always wondered if it was just her, or if there are other parents who have encountered social issues with their children? Or maybe they are too young to see. I'm just curious.

I always try to encourage those who say they are thinking about homeschooling, because I think if I had a chance to I might have tried it. My hat is off to the homeschoolers! You put the cool in school!

[Cookies4me]

socialization, sadly there are some home school families that do not really take there kids out. they tend to give the rest of us home school families a bad name. my two cents.

My son who just turned 10 has been away with his grandmother in another state. I asked mom how he has been doing. ( he is the only child with a bunch of older adults) She always responds with very positive information. Such as, oh they can't believe how he can communicate with just about anyone. I truly think this is due to him being around so many different age groups.

[Kathe]

I have to agree with the comments of the above few posts. My two who are homeschooled can play with kids of just about any age group. They have no stereotypes of who they "should" be playing with. This is quite unlike my older kids who were public schooled. To hang around with kids other than in their grade was not cool and they didn't even hang with their siblings that much because of that. They had different friends. My homeschooled kids have the same friends and my two adore each other. They are kind and loving to each other and will play together all day long.

This is typical of them.....Kathe

[ninesixteen]

I just think its awesome that you all can do that. Keep up the wonderful work!!

[wife]

I thought of a "downside" Not enough bookshelves or wall space to house the bookshelves......

[Wally]

Only downsides have been the animosity of family or freinds who were teachers or knew little of homeschooling. With each new year of graduates, Homeschoolers have made a name for themselves and now they are being persued by business and colleges.

I still find some teachers indignant, we did what they needed a degree to do, and they feel our child's education was compromised. However the fruits bear witness. GO HOMESCHOOLERS!!!!!

Not to say they missed out on some great teachers, I feel some great teachers missed out on some great students. But then Public Schools are not the best environment for either. IMHO

[lisaann]

I thought of a "downside" Not enough bookshelves or wall space to house the bookshelves......[img]

Man is that ever the truth!!!

[lisa]

Only downsides have been the animosity of family or freinds who were teachers or knew little of homeschooling. With each new year of graduates, Homeschoolers have made a name for themselves and now they are being persued by business and colleges.

I still find some teachers indignant, we did what they needed a degree to do, and they feel our child's education was compromised. However the fruits bear witness. GO HOMESCHOOLERS!!!!!

Not to say they missed out on some great teachers, I feel some great teachers missed out on some great students. But then Public Schools are not the best environment for either. IMHO

So sorry you had to endure that scrutiny and criticism. It makes me feel a bit embarrassed by my collegues in the profession. A parent has to do what is right for their kids. I'm so glad homeschooling was such a great experience for you and your kids!

[Wally]

Sorry to be on the ladies page, but I thought my comments would help.

Having started homeschooling 12 years ago, we were in the stages when the battles were raging. I very much appreciate Homeschool Legal Defence Fund, and the PA Homeschool Law. I firmly agree there needs to be structure plus accountability, and fortunately the schools and parents are working together - at least in some places- to see that children get a quality education. I expect some teachers will never get over it - especially evolution issues- social mores (homosexuality) but as much as it depends upon us, we need to agree to disagree, and demonstrate scholastic excellence. I am grateful to all who have stuck it out and done the grunt work to make homeschooling a viable educational method.