Now I Really Have No Interest In Church!!!

[iSong6:3]

Donna, please try to come back later and look at the thread with new eyes. As I read it, I do not see people trying to hurt you or insult you.

I see people sharing their insights and life experiences with you and one another, enjoying *mommy talk* with you and also asking honest questions to understand something. That's what people do in conversations and that's what Christians do with one another. We are not to be afraid to accept constructive criticism or honest questions.

If you feel hurt, please PM the person to talk it out. We cannot let hurts build and give the enemy a foothold in our lives or among the Body. Another for you.

[CircleSlide]

I remember when we brought our second child home from the hospital, he was premature, placed in the NNIC Unit for a while, he was sent home with an apnea monitor, a car bed (because he couldn't sit up, if he did he would stop breathing, his lungs were very immature), he was also given straight caffeine to keep him from going into deep sleep because once again he would forget to breath. Well, my husbands brother and wife came over with there 5 year old son. Who proceeded to run over to my son who was sleeping and cough right in his face, a deep raspy cough. I of course run over and scooped up my son and attempt to fix the damage,gerrrrrr. I was so mad!! My sister in law tells me oh her son has bad allergies, and keeps telling her son to come over and look at the baby. Yeah right!!! I later find out my nephew really had a virus/cold. I was so mad. My son did get sick of course and had to be given more medicine and breathing treatments.

Some parents just don't get it, I remember sitting down with her and saying my son is very fragile right now trying to explain why I didn't want her son coughing in my babies face. I am still not sure she ever got it.

BTW, my little baby is now 14 and taller than me.
Also Donna, I don't see people painting you as a villain just chatting and asking questions.

[JustGrateful]

Obviously I am being painted as the villian in this situation because I stood up for my daughter. As one poster stated, my baby is not a toy. Well, I guess that's what I am. No, I am not am an experienced parent the way the rest of you are. All I know is how I was raised. I was raised by a mother who was strict with my sister and I. She did not let us get away with certain behaviors and we were taught to mind. She told me she was stricter with us because she didn't want people to dread having us visit their home for fear of what we would do.

And NO, I AM NOT fishing for a way to get out of church. I am well aware there are imperfect people in church. I've got an ample list of my own faults. And I know why I go to church. I have gone to church my entire life. I accepted the Lord as Savior when I was 10 years old.

I don't see you as a "villian" nor do I think anyone else does...at least not from the comments I've seen.

If anything, the {snip} mother you're talking about would be the "villian" in my book!

But I guess that's not nice of me either. Maybe she just wasn't taught proper manners. Still no excuse for a pass, though.

You are absolutely within your proper boundries by asking her, her child and anyone else to please not handle your infant....and I applaud and encourage you to continue to protect your baby!

[JustGrateful]

...the church has a nice lobby area where we can take older infants out to or nurse during the service but still hear and see the pastor. It's a great set-up.

That's a nice addition many churches are adding these days. Many have a room where moms can go to nurse their babies quietly, but still have the service "piped" in. And/or they have areas, like a fellowship hall, where people with busy little ones can go and still maybe see the message via a video feed.

(Sorry...this is a thread drift, isn't it?)

[Nightelf]

If anything, the {snip} mother you're talking about would be the "villian" in my book!

But I guess that's not nice of me either. Maybe she just wasn't taught proper manners. Still no excuse for a pass, though.

Or she was the extremely exhausted mother of an active toddler, without much help or backup from dad. We tend to villify these mothers as lazy, selfish or unattentive, but we really need to cut them a bit of slack sometimes. Being a mom of a toddler is *exhausting*. I'm also guilty of letting my 3 run around at times, hoping nobody minded their antics, because I was at the end of my rope and just needed a few minutes of sanity.

Yes, in a perfect world she should have been more vigilant and kept her little one away from the baby. But I do have a soft spot for such a mom, remembering full well the mental and physical exhaustion that comes from constantly having to police every single little thing these kids do.

Unless you've been the mother of toddlers, you can't really begin to understand this.

[Acts5:41]

That may be one reason I never did have kids, Nightelf; the "mother" of a dozen or so active toddlers, for hours every Sunday, for several years!

Odd for me to think those toddlers probably have their own families now.

[Lucy]

Obviously I am being painted as the villian in this situation because I stood up for my daughter. As one poster stated, my baby is not a toy. Well, I guess that's what I am. No, I am not am an experienced parent the way the rest of you are. All I know is how I was raised. I was raised by a mother who was strict with my sister and I. She did not let us get away with certain behaviors and we were taught to mind. She told me she was stricter with us because she didn't want people to dread having us visit their home for fear of what we would do.

And NO, I AM NOT fishing for a way to get out of church. I am well aware there are imperfect people in church. I've got an ample list of my own faults. And I know why I go to church. I have gone to church my entire life. I accepted the Lord as Savior when I was 10 years old.

You are just starting to experience a phenomenon of human behavior reserved for people that have kids. As you go along, other people's treatment of their own children will greatly determine who you will and will not choose to be spending time with. Before kids, it is easier to overlook parents who do not discipline their children adequately. After you get your own, that behavior becomes intolerable. You will find your place eventually and there will be some people that you will not want to be around, ever....Will you be villified for that-sure, by those that let their kids get into everything and object to your objections. After all, those kids get their way everywhere else and if they don't get it with you then you will cause that parent to be outed and uncomfortable.
I had 3 toddlers in car seats at the same time along with a 5 year old and a 10 year old. My kids had boundaries and we taught them at a very early age to behave and mind their manners. We weren't overly strict either. Kids want to learn and they want to please their parents. They like order and stability.
If you need time to get your 'sanity' then you might think of the havoc your child is causing to everyone else while you check out. Dumping your problem kid on other people is selfish and irresponsible. I have had people come up to me in eating establishments and tell me that when they saw our little ones coming in they thought to leave but they didn't leave because they all acted so nicely. We have received many compliments of that order. Teaching kids takes time and effort but is well worth the trouble.
Last week, while waiting for my kids to finish a class, I witnessed a 12 year old girl (that was not participating because she was SICK!) stick a baby's whole hand in her sick mouth..! I almost had a stroke. The 12 year olds mother was right there watching her do it and smiling...Oh how cute...

[Nightelf]

I think some of the posts now are becoming rather close to being overly judgemental toward the actions of others, whom we have no true knowledge of their personal circumstances or motivations.

Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. We would do well to stop judging others and just be gracious with the faults of others, including their parenting styles and their rambunctious children, since none of us will be perfect parents. There will be times where *our* children and our parenting styles will rub others the wrong way. There will be times when our own darling children will have others saying, "where's that kid's parents"! We will wish at those moments, for a little grace and understanding to be extended our way. Treat others as you want to be treated.

There are exhausted mothers, mothers with post-partum depression, and there are bad mothers. Their children may act identical, and you may be wrongfully branding someone as being a terrible parent when in reality, they are overwhelmed and still have to try to function in this world and be with their children in social situations. Be as responsible as you can with your own children, and try to have a measure of forgiveness and grace for other parents..... no two children are alike and just because one parent has "little angels" doesn't mean someone else with behaviorally-challenged kids are worse parents.

The OP asked for this thread to be closed and I think since there's already been some great advice offered, we will end it.

Thank you everyone for your input