Church and 2 year olds

[hilhill]

We go to a Reformed baptist church. We love it there, it is a small congregation and we have really fit in with everyone. There are lots of young couples, quite a few of them expecting around the time I am, and the Bible preaching is solid.

Ok, so now that I've said how much I love the church, I need some advice. Or opinions. Or something.

Since it is a small church, the nursery only goes to age 3 (meaning, the child has to leave the nursery at the 3rd birthday... This is during the main service, mind you... Toddlers still have a Sunday School hour. ) After age 3, the child has to stay with their parents during the worship service, which is an hour. Ok. I know that I still have a year to work with my dd, who will be 2 next month... But I am FREAKING OUT over the thought of teaching her to be quiet and still for a whole hour!!

Does anyone else think this is odd???

My dd is very.. umm, spirited. It's nearly impossible for her to sit still for more than a few minutes. And from what I read and hear about toddlers, this is normal behavior. We tried a couple weekends ago to keep us out with us, just to see how it would go... and she didnt even last 5 minutes. *sigh*

The director of the nursery is a young mom, she has a 1 year old little boy. Apparently, she is going to "train" him to sit in the service, and never use the nursery. She is doing this by spanking him when he "acts up". I havent outright asked her, but I can only assume that when and if I asked for advice on how to keep my dd quiet, they would say to spank her when she gets loud.

Im sorry.... But we dont spank to begin with, and even if we did, I would NEVER spank in a church setting for doing things that are normal baby/toddler behavior.

Soooo anyone have any advice on how I can get my spunky little lady to sit still and quiet for an hour within the next year?? Im already having anxiety about it.
(BTW, it doesnt help when I sit in church and see all the other children my dd's age who are sitting quietly.... Of course, their personalities are very quiet and timid, too, so I guess that's why???)

[millky]

could be a hard one. maybe if she has some kind of distraction to keep her quiet, like some snacky food or a (quiet) toy to fiddle with?

[Musician in His house]

We have a nursery for ages to 3, and then we also have Childrens' Church for ages 3-5. This might be something you could suggest to be started, but be warned -- if you suggest it, YOU might be selected to be in charge of it! The CC teachers at my church volunteer to help, much like they do with the nursery, and they teach on a rotating basis. I've never taught CC, but they have a lesson, make crafts, and have snacks. I'm not sure what literature they use.

[Lucy]

Our nursery goes through age 4. 3 is pretty unrealistic as some are just getting potty trained and are ABLE to sit that long.. Perhaps you could suggest on a longer nursery period. After that, there is no reason that they cannot be taught to sit quietly. Mine often fell asleep or toyed quietly with a chenille stick or colored on a color book that I brought with just a few crayons. I also brought along something for them to snack on like a Goldfish zip lock bag.
We spanked when it was appropriate but not for stuff like you are saying.

[Acts5:41]

Our Church nursery went to age 3; then they went to kiddie church pretty quick after the service started. At age 7 or so they sat with their parents.

It was a pretty big church, though. I used to help out in the nursery. I preferred the 1-3 year olds.

[Kliska]

Sitting close to the exit is a must, of course. Go into it knowing that for awhile, you'll probably have to take her out at some point(s) in the service. Activity and coloring books are always good, and try to shape her behavior over time. The important thing is to try to think through 1) Positive reinforcements, and 2) how NOT to reinforce bad behavior. Consistency is key, makes sure that when you say something to her that you can back it, and will back it up...and then actually carry it out.

For example, if a kid fusses because they don't want to be there, and it results in leaving, and not going back in, then the kid has "won" the issue, because they wind up getting what they want; that's reinforcing the bad behavior.

[acceptedintheBeloved]

You have been given some very good advice.

I might add that it would likely be beneficial to begin having a "quiet hour" at home (or start out with, say, "10-15 minutes" and work up to the length of time that your church service actually lasts).

If this is possible for you, at home, have the little one sit near you, tell her it's quiet time and give her some quiet activities to do: coloring, looking at books, playing with a small quiet toy (especially things that take a bit of concentration, like a bendable figure/doll... something like that). Just keep reminding her that it's "quiet time," working up to longer periods of time.

Basically, the main idea is to "practice" at home first, rather than to expect the young one to be able to do this well when the time comes for her to do it "for real". This kind of preparation will help a lot. This is what we have done, and we've kept our children with us, in the worship service, from the time they were born. Practicing at home, on a fairly regular basis, really helps. (And we have a pretty wide variety of personality types in our family... )

Hope this helps you in your situation.

[JustGrateful]

Yep...some good advice! Kliska probably echos my thoughts. Sit in the back and just realize it's going to take time. But it can be done and you'll get through it, too! And it's worth it...believe me!

Today in church we sat behind a kid who was never taught this. I can say that because his mother was sitting very near to him and never even gave him a "look." This kid is 15 or 16! He came in with his McDonald's cappucino-type drink and sucked on that for the whole service. He stretched, with his arms over his head, twice during the sermon. During the singing portion of the service, he bounced around and cut up with his girlfriend. We sat pretty much right in the middle of the congregation...so I'm sure he was a distraction to many!

Afterward, my daughter, who is 20, said "(His name's) parents need to take him to the nursery from now on!"

That's what you get if you don't train kids, from early on, how to behave in church...and concerts, movies, restaurants, etc. So...it's worth it!

[Acts5:41]

One thing that led to my salvation; I have a learning disability.

I am unable to process things I hear very well; my hearing is fine, I just don't GET it.

When I learned to read my Dad would give me the pew Bible and have me read that. It used to bug the Sunday School teacher, I always knew the stories!

[Musician in His house]

Maybe a "My Quiet Book" would be good for your little one (and all the little ones on here). Both our boys had one (it was a hand-me-down from #1 to #2), and they loved it! It does have small parts that you have to keep with the book, but they are all made of cloth, so no small hard parts that can be swallowed. It has small-motor-type things they can do, like snaps and buckles, so it's educational, too.

[CircleSlide]

I wish I didn't throw that book out, but I had a really good book on just that, how to teach your kid to sit still at church, it was practical and made sense. I do remember one of the things was to begin practicing at home. Set a timer for 15 minutes and give the little one a few books and have them sit for 15 minutes, the goal was to work it up to longer times. This of course would work well for some kids and not for others, But there was other advice in the book, like bring a goody bag of quiet activities that were only to be used at church so they were special, and to explain to your child how this is a big deal, sitting in big church, and just the "rules" of how to behave.

As for our church nursery goes up to 3, then they transition to sitting with their parents through the worship (only about 15/20 minutes) then they go to children's church during the sermon time. Our children's church is from 3-8 years old. We also have chairs in the back for little ones to sit with there mom's.

[kmendel]

You also might contact all the moms of the say, 3-5 year old group of kids in the church and see if you could all rotate watching the kids in another room during the church service. A big plastic box could hold coloring books, crayons, and some toys to keep them busy.

My daughter and her family attend a small church, and the kids have always sat with them...........as everyon above said, they just gradually learn to be quiet during the service.

[Robinbobbin]

Our church *JUST* started offering nursery for 1 - 4 at the early service, which is the one we go to. So, we've done the church service thing with a 1 year old and a 2 year old. Finally, at 2.5 they hired a nanny for all of the kids (there are 6 kids nursery age at that service). We tried a rotation and it ended up just being me and 1 other Mom and we both have had babies in the last month and a half so we're out of the rotation for a couple of months.

Anyway, this is what we did. First, all the parents of young kids sit together. It helps being surrounded by other people who "get" that a 1 or 2 or 3 year old is going to move around and fidget and such. I brought a "church" bag with me to the service that had toys she was only allowed to play with in church. The other parents had variations on that. All are quiet toys like etch-a-sketch, coloring crayons and coloring books, a childrens Bible (though that one we read every night so I actually had to remember to grab it to bring to the service with me), her baby doll, raisins and a cup of milk. About half the time it would get us through half the service. Other weeks it was a lost cause and I'd sit out in the foyer with her (and was usually joined by several other Moms).

Your nursery attendant is insane for spanking her 1 year old for normal toddler behavior. A one or two year old is capable of learning behaviors, but not yet capable of controlling all of their impusles.

[Jesusrules]

uggghh! I know exactly what you are going through. My son is 4 and will not sit still in church. I have tried toys, snacks, time outs...nothing works. He will get in the middle of the isle and roll around! I end up taking him downstairs and sitting with him and feel so frustrated by the time I leave the service. I know eventually he will get better, but it takes time and lots of patience, which mine is limited before I get anxious

[House of Light]

I have 5 kids ages 14,11,10,8,5. We have never used a nursery with our children. One thing we have always done, which surprises people...is we sit in the absolute front of the church. The kids can see what is going on...and they are not stuck looking at the back of peoples heads and necks. My school aged kids know that EVERYONE in church can see what they are doing.

Also, disipline starts as babies. When mom or dad says no...it means no. When the kids were smaller, before church started, we would ALWAYS remind them on the way to church that this was a time for listening, and never for talking. The little ones are allowed to bring crayons and a notebook or colorbook. There are many times that I would lightly rub their back during the service to keep them calm and quiet. I don't reward them for expected behavior...because its expected and not an option. The minute that a reward is posted for "good behavior"...it is an option. An option to get the reward or not. I think we need to as parents...let our children know what our expectations of them are. Many children do not know.

[RuntheRace]

Hillary, since I'm not a parent I won't give parenting advice. But I want to give you the encouragement that as Char grows and matures over the next year her attention span should grow and increase. Remember that and all the good tips you've been given and I think you should be fine.

[Genesis22]

Another thing that you can do, depending on the type of worship that you have, is have the kids clap their hands and dance (not really dance, but ...move around however everyone else is) along with you. This doesn't usually keep them occupied the entire time, but it will for a while. My friend and I bring her little sister to church someties when her parents can't come (we have a children's church, but it's not until after worship), and she loves to do that. She's a little older though.

Our church also gives out little activity bags for the kids during worship. They usually just have things like bible themed coloring books and picture books.

[Reason&Hope]

Lots of great advice here. When my kids were little and had to sit quietly for a period of time (waiting in a dentist's office, on an airplane, at a wedding . . . ) I would always have special quiet things for them to do -- coloring, puzzles, math wrap-ups, books . . . (At 15, my daughter brings her crocheting now.)

I really like the idea of having the child practice quiet time at home. That helps prepare her in many ways. I would add to that a time of dancing/jumping around. "You were very good during quiet time. Would you like dance now?" It helps them to know that yes, there are times when it's good to be loud and boisterous, especially when a child is naturally outgoing.

[EmmieAZ]

I love that our church has a childrens ministry (nursery-highschool). It is important for both the parents and kids get the most of their time out of church attendance - meaning that they are both being fed the Word. When kids are little, and attend church with their parents, I don't think they get much else than learning to sit and be quiet. I would rather have them in an environment where they have fun and learn about God.

I agree with a previous poster that you should suggest (and be prepared) to start a children's ministry.

[EmmieAZ]

BTW - I also teach, set up, and write curriculum for our children's ministry. These kids (based on time with the kids and feedback from parents) get so much out of our children's ministry. I really don't think they would get the same thing out of going to the adult service and being still. Whne they get to be 10 or so, then I think they should sit in the adult service, but before that, I think it is a waste of everyone's time.