You have upset me. I will try to be as nice as I can. Forgive me if I fall short:
That is grossly unfair to turn around and wonder why his wife didn't take him outside the military and criticize her for it. Where is your compassion? It's her fault? Really? When you raise your hand, you become military property. Have you or anyone close to you in your family served before? Do you know how things work when you are in the military or the difficulties they face with security and what they are allowed to do, not do, disclose?
My husband served active duty Navy through 5.5 years of our marriage and for another 6 afterwards active reserve. He couldn't even talk with me about what he did and still cannot to this day, and I respect that about my husband. He is an honorable man, not a perfect one, and took his commitment very seriously. When he had something traumatic happen to him, he was not even allowed to discuss it outside the military, much less with me. He always honored his commitment to his country and the security clearance he had and still does. This has to be so difficult for her and I am sure that she did everything that she could for him that he was able to allow her to do. You do not understand that there are things that he may not have been allowed to tell her about and with trauma, there may have been things that he just could not talk with her about. The guys in his unit should have been there for him since there were out there with him, especially his chain of command, and gotten him whatever help he needed. It sounds like he asked and was refused, and as tough as they need to be, that is a leadership issue within the command and a breakdown of unity within this group. The guys in special forces we know are close with their units and their leadership cares about them.
The fault absolutely lies with the military here, especially his command who knew that he was struggling. His wife is 100% right.
Praying for this man's wife to know Jesus Christ as her Savior, if she doesn't already, so that she might have peace now. Praying for anyone who hears this story to be moved to pray for this man's wife and his family rather than be a critic. She lost her guy tragically and had to endure whatever pain he was in with him AND had to endure the separation of 8 prior tours.