Thanks for starting this M2T.
Dont get discouraged if you dont see alot of replies on here. Being a noncustodial mom is a unique position that very few people understand, let alone relate to. But to those of us who are in it or have been around it, this thread could be like a cold drink of water on a very hot day.
Maybe you should have started it with:
Let me introduce you to a part of a world that very few people are aware even exists out here. It's a world of impermiable pain, inside and out. It a life that draws immediate judgement from others, even among the least judgemental of us. It happens because this world is broken with sin, evil exists, God has allowed it for His purposes and yes, it does happen to born again believers. Its a break in one of the strongest human bonds God designed, the natural bond between a mom and her children. And, here's the biggie, many times it is undeserved and, if you ask for details and truth, you'll find that she did nothing to deserve her children being taken away.
Most of you know satan has the family as one of his main targets. If he can break down the family unit, it gives him great inroads. In came divorce.
Ok, now add in a good mix of anger, money, pride, pain, sin and evil in one of the ex partners who would obviously NOT be a follower of Jesus in a world run amuck and you find an opportunity for satan to do some real damage. And he does take it when God allows him to. He doesn't allow him to very often but it does happen more often than you think. Because not only is the sin in the ex spouse working overtime but then you throw in the court system with Godless men and women running them (and if I have to explain whats wrong w/ our court system, oh never mind) and you've got the perfect storm of a life of extreme pain, borderline poverty, broken destroyed lives of moms and her children, fractures extended families and a world of people who have no clue what you are talking about when you tell them you dont have custody of your kids. In our modern society the judgements fly, the looks come and no one asks "why" or "what happened". (What is funny is that sometimes you can tell them and they STILL don't believe you). People, by nature, do like to be "right" you know.
Why not take him back to court? Some do and lose anyways. Its Godless for the most part remember.
Many can't because it take money and it takes proof that is allowable in court why you should have your children back with you. Why? Why? why? then its back to "If you lost them, You must have done something to deserve it. What kind of mother are you? What did you do?" and the list goes on and on because the judgemental attitudes go on and on and can overtake the most compassionate people among us since we are all sin broken anyways.
Its a world where there is a pain like no other. If a mom loses a child to death, its different, definitely NOT easier, just different. But when your children are still in this world and they "could" be with you and you do get to see them but your time is limited, when you can't hug them good night or when they are crying, when you can't just look down into their eyes and wonder at how you could love another human being this way, when you can't laugh and share their joys on a daily basis, well, this list could go on forever so I wont. If you are a mom and still reading this, you know what I"m talking about.
And, heres some more insight, if a man is capable of taking his children from their mother in the way most of these men do and demanding they pay child support, insurance, travel expenses, etc. you can bet the sin and evil in his heart usually goes on alot further. NCM's get dragged back into court repeatedly, threatened, verbally abused, and, like most unchecked sin and anger, it only grows with time. Sometimes the kids are seen as property and used as such. The kids suffer the most but what amazes me is no one really cares. Regardless of how obvious it is or brazen the abuse gets. As long as its not physical, then its "okay" with the world.
I"m sure you are wondering "how in the world can these women end up in this situation". Sometimes it is through their own sin and issues and they do need to get their life turned around. Then they get it turned around and the fight ensues. Sometimes they trust the dad to keep the kids for a short time while they get back on their feet either financially or physically from health problems. Most want to jointly raise the children and still maintain some trust in their ex spouse. Once they get the hook of child support coming in, many will not give the kids back. If there is verbal abuse involved, then the parental alienation starts to show up because it becomes a kind of competition as they do not want the kids to love the mom. It is insidious at this point. They are afraid of losing them so the brainwashing comes in. There are all sorts of nuances in these situations that you wouldnt know about unless you wanted to or had to know about them.
So that said, and thats plenty, welcome to our world where the heart continually bleeds and is never allowed to heal, where the core of our very nature is shaken, and I pray that you'll take a minute and consider this and learn more. Its only by faith that many of us can hang on and get through this. We would welcome , or at least I would, welcome any questions. I've been doing this for 11 years now and the road is just as rocky if not more than it was at the beginning. The only way to stop judging others in a situation is to learn and be teachable.
As for me: I have 3 beautiful girls who were stolen, I pay hundreds of dollars in child support each month, pay all health insurance, all transportation expenses, get no tax deductions (in case you were wondering) and have been sued 5 or 6 times by ex (I've lost count). And if God does not restore them to me here, then the best thing I can count on is that He'll restore them to me in heaven. Its amazing how joy and pain can co-exist at the same time. Thank you for reading this. I know it is long and I hope you dont mind M2T.
Came back in here to say one more thing: I give God all the glory for all the things He has gotten me through during these hard years. He has taught me so much through this and He provided everything I needed when I needed it. I trust Him to do the right thing because He always will. And I know deep down that He'll work this out for our good. I love you Lord.
"Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."Isaiah 40:31