For Noncustodial Moms (mod edit - *only*, no men please)

[Mom2ten]

I have been blessed by all of your stories. It is comforting to hear others share..I know that sounds weird, but those going through this do understand. Thank you so very much for opening your heart up here.
I started reading the first post in tears and will write this in tears. Sunshine...the Lord used every word you wrote to touch my hurting heart. Thank you. I was a stay at home mom for 25 years, homeschooled my kids for 13 years. I was also an abused wife for 25 years. I did everything I thought of to make my marriage work but when you are the only one doing the trying it doesn't go very far. My ex is very narcisstic. He told me for years that I was mentally ill and I started to believe it. In the fall of 2005 when my doctor put me on a second anti-depressant, I gave up working on my marriage. I could not do it anymore. My ex put spector on my computer to watch what I was doing and I wasn't aware of it. He knew I was going to talk to a lawyer after the holidays. 5 days before Christmas he told me he was taking his issues out on me and it would stop and we would make it. Then 3 days later he filed a civil protection order against me. I was not allowed near my kids or home..if I did go near I would be arrested. I ran into a couple of my kids at a store during that time and their dad tried to have me arrested. I had no income, just the clothes on my back and he canceled my medical and life insurance right away. I didn't see my kids for 2 months and I was still nursing the baby when I had to leave. The court system is a shear joke. The guardian ad litem involved believed every word my ex said without question and treated me like a 2nd class person. My first grandchild was born months after I left and no one was allowed to tell me. The parental alienation is so true!!! So true!!!!! I have been dealing with that from the beginning. My ex married again within a year and after 3 months he threw her out too just like me. I went back to court for custody then and he did the control and manipulating thing on the kids again. I lost. My kids are afraid of him and do what they have to to please him. I have lost count of the phone calls, txts, and holding sobbing children as they tell me how bad he treats them. One cannot see how they are abused until they are out of the situation. I just started seeing my abuse a few years ago. My children are just trying to survive.
Now....for the happy part of the story!! The Lord Jesus Christ has been my everything! My Jesus has provided for me every single step of the way. When the CPO was filed, He opened a door at a friends for me to live there. This friend had gone through the same thing years before and knew what I would be going through. Since I had no income, friends and people I knew from a blog I was a part of sent me money for expenses. My doctor and dentist treated me for free a few times. People bought me clothes. A friend got me a job as a nurses aide. The Lord brought me to my apartment. The Lord led me to the church that I am at now, I have a wonderful church family and a pastor who has listened to me sob alot. My pastor txt me last year and told me he believed that the Lord would bring my children back to me one by one and I have saved that txt because it is true! All but one child has come back and I am trusting the Lord for my son who hasn't come back yet. I have learned how to trust the Lord for everything. I do not understand why He allowed this to happen in my life, but I trust. Some days are more painful than others are. I do not share alot of my story with many people because of the judgement.
I know this all probably sounds a bit rambling and I am sorry for that I just know that the Lord wanted me to start this thread and I want to minister to every one of you but it is you who have ministered to me.
I love you moms, please let's give each other support.

[Cherished]

Since I have moved from my home state of Michigan to Oklahoma, periodically my children's daycare woman will post pictures and tag me in them. I always love to see my babies, but it is such a double edged sword. On the one hand I am so grateful for an opportunity to see them, but it also comes around with a slap to the face that I am not there. It is a tremendously gut wrenching pain to know how much I am missing. I carried these children within my womb, felt them kick, planned their births, rejoiced in the sonograms, dreamed of their faces, longed to hold the life inside of me in my arms. And when they were born, they were perfect. Perfect.

My entire adult life has revolved around being a mother. I have been a mother since the age of 15. My sense of fulfillment came largely from the satisfaction of being a mother to my children. I wanted to lead them into godly lives and a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. And I did much of it alone. My ex husband was always working or on the couch, because he was so 'tired' he could not manage to help with his family. He was cruel to my children verbally as well. He spent time in jail for an incident that involved our then three year old son. I am the one who was there for the nightmares, the illnesses, the owies, the homework, the potty training. I am the one who spent time with them.

And I have had it all ripped away from me. In the blink of an eye, gone. It haunts me, that I should have found a way to put up a financial fight for my children. It angers me, though I know that really, I have myself to blame. Ultimately, I let my ex take them from me. I don't get to be there for the first days of school, or the clothes shopping, or the prayers and the Bible readings. I don't get to smell their sweet smells after their baths. I don't get to hug them, or kiss them, or tuck them in. Because I was no longer willing to be a wife, I was supposed to forfeit being a mother too, I suppose. My ex also had to add insult to injury and made it so that my children cannot even come to this state until my daughter is 5, and that is two more years. His reason is because he did not like that I was moving and being remarried. He never thinks about my kids, he thinks of himself, and everyone lauds praise on him like he is a hero, it makes me ill.

Yes, a hero, that left me at 8 months pregnant with his first child, our son, to pursue a female coworker, and refused to pay for groceries or make the house payment. And he stayed gone and refused to speak to me for 9 weeks. He somehow deserves credit for being something he should have always been? I never asked not to be a mother. My ex thought he would trap me into a marriage by using our children, and I was not going to allow that. And I pay for that decision every single day. EVERY single day. i battle so many emotions because I know I was not perfect and I did some truly horrific things, but these are my children too. They want their mother. and they do not understand it is their very father who prevents us from being together. Nor will I ever tell them, I want them to love their father.

Let me be very honest, though it may sound as if I have not forgiven my ex, I have. It just hurts. It hurts that he got to be a monster and he got to hurt me and break me down our entire marriage, and now he gets to walk away the hero, and he has such a big piece of my heart, my children. I hate that he has no consequences, and I am the one who absorbs it all. The only thing that stops my vicious cycle of anger is to recall how much I had to be forgiven of in the eyes of the Lord... that has a way of putting it back into perspective. And honestly, I do not care who did or who said what. I just want to hold my kids close, and not have to know that I am going to have to leave them again.


Now I am done for now. I think. I don't know. I appreciate this thread being started, perhaps more healing can come through being open. I can only pray that be the case.

[Mom2ten]

(((( cherished )))) I truly understand everything you are saying..been there, done that. I am so very sorry this happened to you.
I have come a long way these past 5 years...literally by the grace of God. The Lord knew what was going to happen and He has provided for all of us every single day. There is one thing that He has brought me to understand and I want to share it with you. Not too long ago I was aching for my kids and talking to the Lord and He opened my eyes to realize that though I don't have custody of my kids, I have Jesus Christ and that is most important and greater than anything or anyone. One day, very soon, I am going to be with Him and will shed no more tears. Although I see how this pain has brought me closer to Him, I will see everything else then. Not all of my kids are saved, but they have been taught His Word and the need for salvation. I trust Him to bring each one into a relationship with Him.

[Beccasue]

Oh Cherished, I am so sorry! I wish I could hug you right now. For me, it does help to talk. I am so tired of being ashamed and feeling like I've done something for which there can be no forgiveness. I made many mistakes as a mom, but nothing to deserve this. My children were never abused, had all their needs met and then some, were cared for and loved for the precious gift they are, and were not used in a parental tug of war when our marriage failed. I did everything I could to protect them.

I imagine my daughter going to the prom this year, wondering about her choosing a dress, hair, make-up. I picture her agonizing over choosing a college, wondering what her future holds. I imagine my son, as he is starting to grow into the man he will become, and I shudder when I think of the example he has, mainly in the area of how to treat a woman and have a successful relationship, because his father is not the best in that area. I think about not only being there for the good times and the celebrations, but being there the first time a boy breaks my daughters heart, or my son is betrayed by a friend. To be there to fix things where I can, and to be there to hold them when words just won't help.

So many things I don't have or won't experience. But you know what - what I do have - NO ONE can take away from me. Those children were conceived in joy and desperately wanted. They were held, nurtured, cried over when they were hurt or sick, protected and loved fiercely. I carried them, I bore them and cared for their every need and nothing will ever change that fact.

My major difficulty is in fighting the inclination to go for the low blow. My marriage was inherently flawed from the beginning. I had turned from God, from that precious relationship, and much of what I am experiencing now is a direct result of that sin & disobedience. God loves us, but we still experience the consequences of our sin. Please know that I am only speaking of my own situation - not implying anything in regards to anyone else's very personal experience.

My ex cheated on me relentlessly. At the very end - I was guilty of the same. I could give every excuse in the world as to why I felt justified in doing so - but nothing can justify it - it was a sin and it was wrong.

My daughter is not stupid. I have no idea if this is part of the reason for our estrangement - but I have to imagine that it has something to do with it. I was never secretive about my part of the dissolution of my marriage. I am an open person. I am sure that things were discussed by my ex and his wife within ear shot of my kids. I am so tempted to scream "He did it first and longer!" "He hurt me too" and on and on. But I don't. I promised myself that my children would never hear a bad word about their father from me, and I have kept that promise. I am not going to fail in that now. It would say much more about my character than anything about him if I were to descend into such tactics.

So here I am. Because my ex has nothing to say about his own complicity, he keeps silent and perpetuates the victim persona that my daughter believes. Add in the choice I made to have them stay with their father in the first place and I understand very well the view she must have of me - regardless of the fact that it is about as far from the truth as you can get. She views me as someone who cheated on her father, and then "abandoned" her & her brother. This is far from the case, but since there is no one to give her the facts of the situation, there it stands. When this first happened and I began to suspect that her questions about what had happened were at the root of it all, I wanted to have us all meet, face to face, with the promise that we would be truthful and answer any questions she had about what had transpired. If at that time, she made the same choice, I could live with it. I wouldn't like it, but it would be her choice to make, having been given the facts. I am fairly certain my ex shot that idea down in a heartbeat. In my opinion, she is old enough to hear the truth, no matter how ashamed I might be to tell it. The very fact that I have never gotten the opportunity to discuss the matter is what hurts so much. I want to scream and call him names, but I won't. It is only the strength of Jesus that keeps me from doing so. I can only pray that at some point, she will see her father as the flawed individual that we all are, instead of the victim he prefers to be.

I cannot pretend to know the horror that many of you have gone through. Was there verbal abuse in my marriage - yes, but it came from both sides, I was guilty too. Was there physical abuse? Hmm... in the end, there were a couple of instances in which he got physical, but if I am being honest, it was more the response of a desperate person in a desperate situation as there was no pattern and no previous incident. Was it a bad marriage? Yes, but only because two people lost sight of keeping their marriage pure and holy in the manner that God requires of us. I could play the "who was more guilty" game, but sin is sin, whether done once or a hundred times. When we turned our backs on God, and looked to our own desires the wheels fell off. Two people, both sinners, disregarding what we knew was right. What burns me is that I took responsibility and he didn't - or at least he hasn't yet. I have no right to judge him or look for vengeance, because that is God's territory and it does me no good to compound previous sins with more.

So, I am not the victim of abuse, for to claim to be so would be a travesty to those of you who have been victims of such horror. Nor am I the victim of a corrupt justice system that is inherently unfair to those who cannot afford to fight for their children, because in my case, my kids CHOSE not to be with me, no matter how uninformed that choice was, and to take it to the courts would have made things worse. If I had won it would have been a hollow victory because then two children would have been forced into a place that they did not want to be, no matter how unfair I believe it to be.

My situation stinks, there is no doubt of that, it hurts beyond imagining and there are so many things I wish I had done differently. But it was my sin that brought me here. All I can do now is to be grateful that I am forgiven and to strive not to spit in the face of that forgiveness by sinning more just to satisfy my selfish desires.

I cannot claim to know the pain that so many of you have been through for so long and through so many years. But I do know the pain of being separated from children who are dearly loved and desperately wanted. All I want is the opportunity to have a second chance to make things right. I will never have the relationship I could have had with my kids. I would just be happy with a different one, based on the lessons we have all learned.

While at this point my older children have not seen fit to give me that second chance, praise the Lord that He did!! I have a wonderful marriage with a man who loves and honors me, and holds me as the most precious thing in this world, and I return that love wholeheartedly. My only sorrow is that my husband is not a Christian. Yep - I made yet another mistake before I decided to listen to God's word. When as a human will I learn that God wishes only the best for us and that what He says, He says to protect us from harm? So, while I love my husband dearly, I am faced with the sorrow of what I know his future to be if he does not come to know Jesus. All I can do with that is to pray and let Jesus work through me. God has further blessed us with two beautiful little girls who are the joy of my heart and who I will never let go. They will NEVER replace the children who are lost to me at this point in time, but they are such a comfort and such a wonderful chance to make the right choices, where before I failed so miserably. So although I have much pain as a consequence of my sin, I have also been rewarded richly for the faithfulness that Jesus has maintained in me.

I pray for you, for us, that Jesus continues to work miracles in our lives!

[Beccasue]

Now....for the happy part of the story!! The Lord Jesus Christ has been my everything! My Jesus has provided for me every single step of the way. When the CPO was filed, He opened a door at a friends for me to live there. This friend had gone through the same thing years before and knew what I would be going through. Since I had no income, friends and people I knew from a blog I was a part of sent me money for expenses. My doctor and dentist treated me for free a few times. People bought me clothes. A friend got me a job as a nurses aide. The Lord brought me to my apartment. The Lord led me to the church that I am at now, I have a wonderful church family and a pastor who has listened to me sob alot. My pastor txt me last year and told me he believed that the Lord would bring my children back to me one by one and I have saved that txt because it is true! All but one child has come back and I am trusting the Lord for my son who hasn't come back yet. I have learned how to trust the Lord for everything. I do not understand why He allowed this to happen in my life, but I trust. Some days are more painful than others are. I do not share alot of my story with many people because of the judgement.
I know this all probably sounds a bit rambling and I am sorry for that I just know that the Lord wanted me to start this thread and I want to minister to every one of you but it is you who have ministered to me.
I love you moms, please let's give each other support.

How wonderful to see the miracles the Lord has worked in your life! What a beautiful testimony to the faithfulness of Jesus!!

[Cherished]

Beccasue,

Our stories are so similar that it is unreal. I was venting a bit, please do forgive the pity party. Sometimes I throw them for myself... I am an open and honest person too, which is why I will never say that I was the only one wronged in my previous marriage. Certainly not! I had a huge thread here that detailed the painful position I was in, and it also included my admissions of how much I had screwed up.

Also, much of what I am living with is a consequence of my sin as well. And selfishness. I honestly believe that we are kindred in terms of our stories, and our outlooks. I hope that doesn't sound weird, LOL. I have read your posts and found myself realizing that we have very similar pasts. So, I appreciate all the time you spend typing your heart out!

Mom2ten, I am learning this lesson as well. I know certain truths, but being that I am a highly emotional creature, I sometimes let my emotions and my circumstances dictate my course of action or my reaction. The very things I speak about not doing on Rapture Ready Radio... go figure. it really is nice to be able to find comfort and fellowship in you ladies who know this pain. I thank the Lord for bringing this thread to my attention.

[Beccasue]

Oh Cherished - pity party away! I have those days too and I am sure before long I will be here venting my share!

Kindred spirits is not weird at all! I feel honored that you would say so!

Thank you for sharing your story too - if feels wonderful to not feel alone, to know others are going through the same thing and hopefully to be able to learn things from each other's posts and share in the joy and pain we all feel.

[Mom2ten]

I believe one of the reasons the Lord started this thread was to bring us together for comfort and fellowship. There is a bottomless pit of pain in being a NCM as you well know. Please...vent but also share your joys!
The holidays and the months after are always the hardest for me. I have been blessed with some beautiful relationships with my children and I will share as time goes on.
I feel safe here with all of you...thank you.

[sunshine2777]

I believe one of the reasons the Lord started this thread was to bring us together for comfort and fellowship. There is a bottomless pit of pain in being a NCM as you well know. Please...vent but also share your joys!
The holidays and the months after are always the hardest for me. I have been blessed with some beautiful relationships with my children and I will share as time goes on.
I feel safe here with all of you...thank you.

Wow, you finally put words on the pain that makes sense: bottomless pit of pain.. I have always tried to find adequate words.. but sister, those ARE the words. Thank you for that. It is bottomless, its as close to hell as I'll ever come.

I've been in this muck for 11+ years.. all because I "trusted" my ex and believe one too many lies from him. And it hasn't even let up. I'm sitting in there with boxes of papers and starting to go through the emails, etc. to try and get some order to them. The truth doesnt matter to anyone right now but maybe at some point in the future, the girls will need to see the emails, etc. Thats another nasty side of this journey that many dont know about... documenting EVERYTHING you do... of course I didnt' start out doing that and thats when I needed to do it the most.. but I never dreamed... but when you get sued repeatedly.. you keep emails, letters, airline tickets, sometimes its recordings of conversations, anything to keep a time line and to "PROVE" what you have done for the kids. Try doing that for this long. It's not like I"m organized.. but through the hard way, I have learned.. that I need to record as much as possible and keep EVERYTHING.. receipts for things spent on the girls.. emails.. letters.. . You want to wear yourself out really quick.. try this one... only so someday.. someone will care enough to know the truth and you have something to show them... or if not, you have it for court anyways... this coming from a girl who took care of her babies while having a voice recorder in her leggings while still living with the ex and trying to get him recorded threatening to kill me.. how could I ever trust or believe someone like that is beyond me.. I guess I always hope to see the best in people.. even after they have ran over me a few times and even backed up.

But I"m dealing with a mentally sick person who has progressed to where I am the sole cause of all his problems and his focus for destruction. It takes time but it does and can happen. Its just that he has my girls and, truth be known, he actually hates women. He is and has been using them to hurt me. They are his property. Give it a name if you want.. doesnt matter if it doesnt do you any good or change the circumstances does it? My counselor told me that my youngest who so desperately needs me, counseling and medication could easily pick up his anger toward me and carry it on after he is gone. How lovely a thought is that? The one good thing at this point, is that I know there is nothing more he can do to me. He has taken my kids and pretty much destroyed my life... so it doesnt worry me.. if he kills me, which I think is likely once the girls all turn 18 and the child support stops.. and he has nothing but the bottle.. that he'll come after me... I go to Jesus.... once you have lost everything.. losing any;thing else doesnt really matter anymore.. (if that makes sense)..

So thats how you take repeated lawsuits, irs audit, deaths of parents, friends, bankruptcy, husband's disabling disease, unemployement, rejections by others.. oh the list goes on. but once you lose your kids... the rest for the most part.. is not as big a deal as it would be otherwise.. kind of like going to your mom's funeral and having the police called on you at the hotel because one of your daughters is fighting with your husband, tells her dad and all you are trying to do is say a decent I"ll see you later to your mom who was your major support through the nightmare. Want to know what a life of fun is for yours truly: lose your mom on Aug 2, be in court 2 weeks later representing yourself because you can't afford an attorney for this round in a lawsuit from you ex, go home, pack and move out your mom's entire house in the next 2 weeks only to back to your mail box and get an IRS audit notice in the mail. Yep. Now that sounds like a good time doesnt it. And it was the proverbial gong that started the season when I dont really have the girls anymore.. they are off on being teens, dealing w/ their dad and just trying to survive.. never dealing w/ losing their grandmother. I just watched it all go away. From talking almost every night to the girls to once a week IF I am lucky... and having an ill husband who loves me but has given up on life for the most part and just wants to go home... oh well... God got me/us through it... but I keep finding levels of weariness and being tired inside that I never knew existed.

So I"ve ranted enough... I would recap my story but then I have to relive it in slow motion to write it out.. and I can do it quicker in my head.. as I do so many times during the day... I read something this morning that I love: “Everything will work out in the end. If it’s not working out, it’s not the end.”

[Mom2ten]

((( sunshine ))) wish I was there to give you a hug! I am so very sorry! The quote you put on the end is so right! This is NOT the end...not at all. The Lord is still writing the story.
I have documented alot and have taken hours of recordings but nothing helped. Neither guardian ad litem cared about any of it, and I had recordings of my kids crying that they wanted to be with me. The first guardian ad litem told me she has only been wrong once. Go figure. And the second one had a history of always siding with the father. I have so much information that my girls have told me but there is nothing I can do with it other than pray. I have made the mistake of going to their dad in their defense and he always turned on them and took it out on them. I can't do that to them anymore. After the last court battle loss I have given up with the court system.
I wish my mom was alive too. 2 weeks after I was taken out of my home the first thing my ex sent over was the papers to my mothers estate.. kind of for a reminder that I didn't have her anymore I too have been the focus of my exes anger and hatred toward women.
Again, I do not understand why the Lord allowed this to happen, but I cling to Romans 8:28. In the midst of the bottomless pit of pain He brings joy. When I grieve over my son who wants nothing to do with me, the Lord reminds me that it is Matt's hurt and anger lashing out. Before Matt went to college I did see him...not alot, but I did. He came over for comfort when a girlfriend broke up with him. The Lord reminds me of the influence their dad has on them and it's blinded them. I have no doubt that my children love me, but they are in survival mode. I truly believe that the Lord is working in all of our childrens lives, we just aren't seeing alot of it.

[sunshine2777]

((( sunshine ))) wish I was there to give you a hug! I am so very sorry! The quote you put on the end is so right! This is NOT the end...not at all. The Lord is still writing the story.
I have documented alot and have taken hours of recordings but nothing helped. Neither guardian ad litem cared about any of it, and I had recordings of my kids crying that they wanted to be with me. The first guardian ad litem told me she has only been wrong once. Go figure. And the second one had a history of always siding with the father. I have so much information that my girls have told me but there is nothing I can do with it other than pray. I have made the mistake of going to their dad in their defense and he always turned on them and took it out on them. I can't do that to them anymore. After the last court battle loss I have given up with the court system.
I wish my mom was alive too. 2 weeks after I was taken out of my home the first thing my ex sent over was the papers to my mothers estate.. kind of for a reminder that I didn't have her anymore I too have been the focus of my exes anger and hatred toward women.
Again, I do not understand why the Lord allowed this to happen, but I cling to Romans 8:28. In the midst of the bottomless pit of pain He brings joy. When I grieve over my son who wants nothing to do with me, the Lord reminds me that it is Matt's hurt and anger lashing out. Before Matt went to college I did see him...not alot, but I did. He came over for comfort when a girlfriend broke up with him. The Lord reminds me of the influence their dad has on them and it's blinded them. I have no doubt that my children love me, but they are in survival mode. I truly believe that the Lord is working in all of our childrens lives, we just aren't seeing alot of it.

Thanks Mom2ten!! I know about the recordings, documenting everything and it not getting used. But you never know when it will be needed. I actually had a couple of email from ex that he wrote a few years prior to one of my court "events" that got read in court. It pretty much showed the judge and his own attorney little bit about his true character. Enough so that he didn't get what he wanted and his attorney who had represented him from the beginning wasn't representing him the next time we had a court "event". So you never know. But it documents the truth for the kids if nothing else in case they ever want to see it.

The one thing you said that I can 100% back is about going to the the ex on the kids defense and him taking it out on the kids. Oh yea.. mine has gotten so bad, I can no longer attempt to co-parent with him. Every single time I found out something about one of the girls that needed addressing by him or if I brought up something that had occurred in that household or that he was doing to them (like cussing them, alienating them, etc), EVERY SINGLE TIME in the past few years he would go to the girls and his abuse would just escalate. He would take it out on them AND turn it around on me as part of the alienation and say "your mom says this or your mom says that". I finally had to give it up. I heard him more than once yell in the background while talking to the girls: "WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS HOUSE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE". (he only knows 1 volume and that is pretty much at the top of his lungs). I got suspicious that one of the girls were doing drugs so I found drug tests you can do at home, where they were for sale and suggested that he get them and do it on all the girls. Just to find out and either address the issue or if nothing was going on, at least we would know. His reaction? He told the girls " are you doing drugs? your mom says you are!" and never did a thing.

If I said something about their grades he would yell and berate them. He is majorly paranoid that the girls willl love me more than him. And he repeats to them many times that HE HAS TO WIN. Its all a game to him and one he has to win. And I wont even get into the money and child support issue. They are like gold in his pockets and I could pay the man a million dollars a month and it wouldn't be enough. Someone has to support him and his alcohol addiction. I've read some on mental issues and I'm pretty sure he could be classified as a malignant narcissist, paranoid, pathological liar and possible psychopath. I know how bad he is so I know what the girls are dealing with on a daily basis and that just deepens the pain. He needs to be saved but he also needs some strong mental help. The longterm alcoholism appears to have caused some psychosis which needs to be addressed too. If the girls were half way happy and thriving, this situatino would be so much easier to deal with. But I"m watching a reality show with my girls as the stars that is nothing but a sample of hell on earth that has really messed them up on so many levels. I can only pray for God's healing hand on their heart and mind and to restore them. But watching it happen, is a whole other thing.

Thanks M2T for listening and reading and understanding. I mean that!

[Mom2ten]

Thanks Mom2ten!! I know about the recordings, documenting everything and it not getting used. But you never know when it will be needed. I actually had a couple of email from ex that he wrote a few years prior to one of my court "events" that got read in court. It pretty much showed the judge and his own attorney little bit about his true character. Enough so that he didn't get what he wanted and his attorney who had represented him from the beginning wasn't representing him the next time we had a court "event". So you never know. But it documents the truth for the kids if nothing else in case they ever want to see it.

The one thing you said that I can 100% back is about going to the the ex on the kids defense and him taking it out on the kids. Oh yea.. mine has gotten so bad, I can no longer attempt to co-parent with him. Every single time I found out something about one of the girls that needed addressing by him or if I brought up something that had occurred in that household or that he was doing to them (like cussing them, alienating them, etc), EVERY SINGLE TIME in the past few years he would go to the girls and his abuse would just escalate. He would take it out on them AND turn it around on me as part of the alienation and say "your mom says this or your mom says that". I finally had to give it up. I heard him more than once yell in the background while talking to the girls: "WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS HOUSE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE". (he only knows 1 volume and that is pretty much at the top of his lungs). I got suspicious that one of the girls were doing drugs so I found drug tests you can do at home, where they were for sale and suggested that he get them and do it on all the girls. Just to find out and either address the issue or if nothing was going on, at least we would know. His reaction? He told the girls " are you doing drugs? your mom says you are!" and never did a thing.

If I said something about their grades he would yell and berate them. He is majorly paranoid that the girls willl love me more than him. And he repeats to them many times that HE HAS TO WIN. Its all a game to him and one he has to win. And I wont even get into the money and child support issue. They are like gold in his pockets and I could pay the man a million dollars a month and it wouldn't be enough. Someone has to support him and his alcohol addiction. I've read some on mental issues and I'm pretty sure he could be classified as a malignant narcissist, paranoid, pathological liar and possible psychopath. I know how bad he is so I know what the girls are dealing with on a daily basis and that just deepens the pain. He needs to be saved but he also needs some strong mental help. The longterm alcoholism appears to have caused some psychosis which needs to be addressed too. If the girls were half way happy and thriving, this situatino would be so much easier to deal with. But I"m watching a reality show with my girls as the stars that is nothing but a sample of hell on earth that has really messed them up on so many levels. I can only pray for God's healing hand on their heart and mind and to restore them. But watching it happen, is a whole other thing.

Thanks M2T for listening and reading and understanding. I mean that!

Sunshine, I will listen/read any time! Both GAL's of mine did get recordings and emails/txts, but it didn't matter. My ex pressures the kids and threatens things to make them choose him. In between those times, they talk about the desire to live with me. My lawyer told me that my exes lawyer didn't believe what my ex said about me. Again..it all comes down to trusting the Lord. When any of my kids gets closer to me than their dad likes, he pulls them back. I'm very grateful for texting..I probably have gotten a book or two worth of them from the kids. It is like watching a train wreck in slow motion and you can't do anything about it.

[sunshine2777]

It is like watching a train wreck in slow motion and you can't do anything about it.

You put it very well. THAT is exactly what it is like. Not in a day, a week or in a year but YEARS!! And its picks up speed as it goes along like its going downhil headed toward a ravine. And here we sit on the side. Watching, pulling our little exterior hand brakes trying to get it to slow or stop and it doesn't. People abhor child abuse and "hitting" a child, etc... but.... what about stuff like this? Talk about looking the other way because there is no brusing or broken bones. Our "modern" society stinks in more ways than one!

[Mom2ten]

God has blessed me!! My 15 year old has been staying with me overnite once a week just about. She stayed last nite and I took her shopping for a homecoming dress. We went to Kohls and got a dress (105.00) and jewelry for less than 50.00! It was wonderful being with her and saving that much!!

[sunshine2777]

God has blessed me!! My 15 year old has been staying with me overnite once a week just about. She stayed last nite and I took her shopping for a homecoming dress. We went to Kohls and got a dress (105.00) and jewelry for less than 50.00! It was wonderful being with her and saving that much!!

That is sooooooooooo fantastic and wonderful for you! Thank you Lord for this blessing for Mom2ten! I am missing out on all of that and lucky to get a picture. I am so happy for you, that time with her is such a gift! Saving the money was just an extra from the Lord! I hope you have many more times like that with her!

[Cherished]

My heart breaks every time I hear my little girl's voice asking me if I am coming to her house to see her. She is only three. May God wrap her in His arms, and my son too. I miss them so much. I would give anything just to be able to hug them. I have nightmares pretty much every night where someone is trying to take my kids from me. I fight and I fight, but I can never reach them. I trust in in the Lord, I just wish that I had more control sometimes.

[Mom2ten]

My heart breaks every time I hear my little girl's voice asking me if I am coming to her house to see her. She is only three. May God wrap her in His arms, and my son too. I miss them so much. I would give anything just to be able to hug them. I have nightmares pretty much every night where someone is trying to take my kids from me. I fight and I fight, but I can never reach them. I trust in in the Lord, I just wish that I had more control sometimes.

((( cherished ))) My heart hurts for you! I can totally understand the aching to hug them! The one thing that the Lord keeps reminding me is that no one can EVER take a mothers place! I have no doubt they know how much you love them!! You are an AWESOME mother!!!!

[Cherished]

((( cherished ))) My heart hurts for you! I can totally understand the aching to hug them! The one thing that the Lord keeps reminding me is that no one can EVER take a mothers place! I have no doubt they know how much you love them!! You are an AWESOME mother!!!!

I am sarcastically bitter right now. My ex will see to it that my place is taken. Trust me. My only defense is the Lord Himself. Thank you for the kind words, I am so tired of hurting.

[Mom2ten]

I am sarcastically bitter right now. My ex will see to it that my place is taken. Trust me. My only defense is the Lord Himself. Thank you for the kind words, I am so tired of hurting.

I think that bitterness is going around. I have been struggling with it too. I have been going to the Lord alot lately in repentance.
Please don't ever think you can ever be replaced! My ex has tried that and is still trying that. Right after he threw me out a friend kept telling me to just be the mom/person I have always been and my kids will eventually see the truth. I truly laughed at her..literally, and called her a liar. But..I did just that and am glad I did. It's going to be 6 years without my kids this Christmas and I am seeing the blessings of living as a Godly mother and trusting the Lord. They come little by little, but as another friend keeps encouraging me, the Lord honors those who honor Him. It is so true!!! Jesus is our advocate and He knows exactly what it will take.
The pain and exhaustion from it are endless and we are part of a group that suffers in silence. Cherished sweetie, you are an awesome mom!! One day your kids will see that you have been the true parent. Hang in there!

[Cherished]

I think that bitterness is going around. I have been struggling with it too. I have been going to the Lord alot lately in repentance.
Please don't ever think you can ever be replaced! My ex has tried that and is still trying that. Right after he threw me out a friend kept telling me to just be the mom/person I have always been and my kids will eventually see the truth. I truly laughed at her..literally, and called her a liar. But..I did just that and am glad I did. It's going to be 6 years without my kids this Christmas and I am seeing the blessings of living as a Godly mother and trusting the Lord. They come little by little, but as another friend keeps encouraging me, the Lord honors those who honor Him. It is so true!!! Jesus is our advocate and He knows exactly what it will take.
The pain and exhaustion from it are endless and we are part of a group that suffers in silence. Cherished sweetie, you are an awesome mom!! One day your kids will see that you have been the true parent. Hang in there!