For Noncustodial Moms (mod edit - *only*, no men please)

[Mom2ten]

I never realized what it must have been like for my mother.

In my case, Mom was COMPLETELY unfit. Attempted suicide in front of me, major neglect, etc. Clearly I had to live with Dad.

Y'all would have loved my Dad. She could see me whenever she wanted, but couldn't have me overnight. As long as she was sober and "safe". She could send me gifts whenever, and call me as long as she was "OK" (not drunk or "crazy").

Sadly, that was very seldom.

It must have been very difficult for her over the years. I never realized that; and Dad was a good guy.

You all. I'm praying.

Acts, I'm so sorry that it was like that for you, it had to have been painful

Thank you for your prayers for us. The holidays are very hard

[Acts5:41]

Well, you know I am a half full personality.

My sister played a large part in raising me when I was a baby/toddler.
My Dad remarried, and for all her faults she was very consistent, raising me.
I have a beloved Aunt in town, she's the one I call when chaos hits.

Unfortunately, my birth mother died thinking I hated her. I didn't. She did get saved so I know she's in heaven, and knows better now.

[Mom2ten]

Unfortunately, my birth mother died thinking I hated her. I didn't. She did get saved so I know she's in heaven, and knows better now.

What a wonderful reunion you will have!!!

[Mom2ten]

Moms, I'm really bummin today. I miss my kids and don't want to do Christmas at all. Just found out that they are getting another step mom soon and none like her, so I'm worried about how they are going to react with this.

[Acts5:41]

Well, like you said, the last one only made it a couple of months.

[Mom2ten]

Sadly....what a way to show the kids what marriage means.

[Acts5:41]

My own mother was married 7 times, and had a couple of live-in boyfriends after he died. She didn't want to lose the widow benefits on husband #7. :eek

[Cherished]

I worry about my ex moving on too. Not because I care that he moves on, but because I am nervous about someone coming into my children's lives. One of the main tasks or duties of parents is to protect our children. Many times we do that by who we allow our kids to be around; whether it be daycare, friends, playmates, etc. Usually a parent has control over who is involved in their minor children's lives and to what degree. It is a scary thing and very difficult for me to have almost no say in that. I cannot approve or disapprove of any women my ex brings around, I also understand that it goes both ways. As a way to get back at me for remarrying, my ex had it stipulated that my current husband could not be around our kids at all until we were married, and if that weren't enough, he arranged it so my kids cannot come to Oklahoma where I reside, from Michigan, where they reside until my daughter is 5. That is still over a year away. It made me so angry, because I thought it was so important for my kids to see and be involved in my life here as well. Of course, my ex's bitterness and vindictiveness refused to allow that.

My ex is a Christian, as far as that he asserts he is. He has my children attending a very liberal and emergent church and he believes you get to heaven by being "good" and doing good things for people. Jesus is sort of like the icing on the good deeds cake. Of course, he tells me frequently I am not Christian and given our past and the divorce, I can understand why he would call me into question. I have learned not to even bring faith up around him. I hate that he is the one who is teaching my children primarily but I know that I can teach them too, and I fully intend to do so.

In any event, I take comfort in knowing that God is absolutely sovereign, and He absolutely can move in my and your circumstances. All of our circumstances. We have so much pain and anger that builds up, but I know all of us here have posted the peace that surpasses understanding comforts us too. Despite the pain, I know this is temporary, and ultimately, I know that God reigns regardless, and I know that this too shall pass. Even if it takes my whole life, it will pass. Eternity will not remind me of this life and we will be face to face (or face to Feet as we fall prostrate) with our beautiful Lord and Savior. I know it is hard, but ladies, we must drag our bleeding and bruised hearts to the cross. We have been forgiven of so very much, we must learn to freely forgive as well. Trust in the Lord, He is our Redeemer, our Mediator, our Hope. We have been dealt with mercifully with abundant grace, may the Lord also gives us the ability to be merciful and full of grace to those who seek to harm or manipulate us. May He always, despite the worst and torrential downpours of the swirling stormy sea of our hearts, make us to know He is there.


He is there. It may hurt, but we have Christ. It may anger us, but we have Christ. It may scare us, but we have Christ. It may overwhelm us, but we have Christ. That is something that NO ONE can take away. Ever.


Father God, You know so well each tear we have all cried, every battle we have fought, the fears and the dreams we have for our children. Tonight I pray and ask that You would give us all repentant and obedient hearts of forgiveness, and that You would grant each troubled and aching heart peace and joy. Help us to see that You are in control, even when, ESPECIALLY when we are not. May our faith be strengthened and fortified as we endure this life and the unique struggles we have. We thank You for knitting our hearts together, Lord. It was by Your providence that we found each other here. And Father, when our flesh and our fears threaten to overwhelm and to overthrow us, I pray that You would come to our rescue. May we always be comforted with the knowledge that You are in control of all things, and that You will see us each through whatever life hands us. It is with grateful hearts we pray this, and we ask that You grant this so in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

[Mom2ten]

Cherished..thank you It may not look like it from my recent posts..but one thing I have realized is that though I may not have primary custody of my kids, I do have Jesus Christ and that is most important. Right now I'm hurting bad..this coming Thursday will be 6 years since I was thrown out and had my kids taken from me. Sometimes the memories just overwhelm.

[Cherished]

Cherished..thank you It may not look like it from my recent posts..but one thing I have realized is that though I may not have primary custody of my kids, I do have Jesus Christ and that is most important. Right now I'm hurting bad..this coming Thursday will be 6 years since I was thrown out and had my kids taken from me. Sometimes the memories just overwhelm.

My posts don't always reflect my heart. I wasn't trying to say that your posts were anything but just honest. I do not criticize any of us who are in our boat. I just posted what I felt led to post.

[Mom2ten]

My posts don't always reflect my heart. I wasn't trying to say that your posts were anything but just honest. I do not criticize any of us who are in our boat. I just posted what I felt led to post.

Oh I know you weren't saying they weren't honest..it was just a figure of speech

[sunshine2777]

Mom2ten... I know there are no words but sending you alot of these: .

Do your best this week to look forward and not backwards. I am constantly reminding myself that the Lord only wants us to look back at the past for one reason and thats to remember what He has done for us. Its that old saying, that is why the windshield is so much bigger than the rearview mirror! I guess I've gotten pretty good at not thinking about the past but I've had 12 years of doing it. When my thoughts start down the road of the past, the pain is so enormous, I know I would literaly double over, fall on the ground and be taken over by it. So it only takes a twinge of pain to stop me from thinking about those things and I refuse to "go there" in my thoughts. Oh I know the pain is deeply buried in my soul and it will go to my grave with me but I can't change it, God allowed it and I dont want to relive it in my thoughts.

Oh, I still have alot of fresh pain, daily.. obviously, but I dont go down "memory lane" to get even more. Actually, I think many of us are in a persistent and perpetual "survival mode" because the traumatic situation is not truly over so no real healing of our emotions happens. But like Cherish said, we do have Christ. This is our cross and we have to bear it the best we can in His strength in order to glorify Him and to help and encourage others.

If your ex is a "Christian", he obviously hasn't gotten past the milk stage and doesnt know anything about God or His Word.

Like I stated earlier, not alot of words but can send you alot of hugs.

Oh, that memory lane thing? I think I get to down it this week because I bought the girls each a digital picture frame w/ sound so I have to load songs and pics of them in each one knowing they may never even turn it on and watch it. And then in January, headed to court representing myself to see if I can get court ordered counseling so I get to listen to and re-read tapes and documents of the past (last time I did this to just see what i had, it kicked in the PTSD big time and I had to stop) but I have to try to get them in some counseling, its the only thing I can do at this point. And my fried brain will have to KNOW what it is doing in that court room. Ha! Big chance of that happening.. it'll have to be God in that court room and I'll show up and "be available".

I think I"m rambling. Not enough sleep. Hang in there... will be praying for you this week especially! Write me! Love, Diane

[Cherished]

Hi ladies, I pray each of you are doing well today. I am getting ready to leave for Michigan on Thursday, I am so excited to see my babies! I am keeping the exact date a surprise so they will have no idea when they come to my grandparent's home that I and their brother will be there. Cannot wait to see the looks on their faces and the hugs that are sure to follow. I will need to have tissue handy! To you all.

[Mom2ten]

Hi ladies, I pray each of you are doing well today. I am getting ready to leave for Michigan on Thursday, I am so excited to see my babies! I am keeping the exact date a surprise so they will have no idea when they come to my grandparent's home that I and their brother will be there. Cannot wait to see the looks on their faces and the hugs that are sure to follow. I will need to have tissue handy! To you all.

Cherished...praying for safe travels and a blessed time! Tell us about it when you get back!!

[sunshine2777]

Hi ladies, I pray each of you are doing well today. I am getting ready to leave for Michigan on Thursday, I am so excited to see my babies! I am keeping the exact date a surprise so they will have no idea when they come to my grandparent's home that I and their brother will be there. Cannot wait to see the looks on their faces and the hugs that are sure to follow. I will need to have tissue handy! To you all.

I agree with Mom2ten... traveling mercies and let us hear about it when you get back. The blessings are gonna flow right along w/ the tears!!

[sunshine2777]

Hitting a grieving stage and doing everything I can to avoid it. Please pray for me and my girls.

[Jacinth]

ing for each of you individually

[sunshine2777]

Got a wonderful gift from God last night in my closet of all places. Walked in there and hanging there was a posterboard made by one of my daughters a just a few years ago telling me that she loves me and that I'm the best mom ever. (I used to get stuff like this from them all the time). She put on lipstick and it is covered in her kisses. God gave me His peace as I remembered that my daughter, all my daughters, really did love me. All those sweet kisses hanging there and I felt more joy than pain in my heart for a few minutes. It was awesome and it brought me some peace. Thank you Lord for an unexpected touch of Your hand in unexpected places.

By the way, the girls not being around in my life now has triggered the original pain from 12 years ago. I am grieving and trying to hard to accept the fact that I will never be able to hug my little girls again, have them cling to me, be excited to see me or need me. That time is gone. The chance for that is gone although I held out hope that God would intervene and restore. He elected not to for purposes only He knows. Its hard because I dont have a real support system intact right now so its just me and Him in the darkness and pain right here. so you can see why those "kisses" seemed so very sweet to me for a few brief moments last night standing there in my closet and just trying to remember and hold on to those memories.

Im' driving 300 miles to pick them up in a few days for christmas. Turning around and driving the same back. 10 hour day and its a long one. Getting harder the older I get. The HARD part is that dd15A, the one I have a prayer request out for, is not going to come up. She would rather stay at her fathers, and have do what she wants than come here. The alienation is working alot in her. Please keep all of us in prayer. The empty place at the table, even if it is only a few times a year is so noticeable. The empty place in pictures of my girls.. never the same. Will have to bury my grief fora few weeks but my christian counselor says I need to go through it. Thanks for listening.

[Mom2ten]

Got a wonderful gift from God last night in my closet of all places. Walked in there and hanging there was a posterboard made by one of my daughters a just a few years ago telling me that she loves me and that I'm the best mom ever. (I used to get stuff like this from them all the time). She put on lipstick and it is covered in her kisses. God gave me His peace as I remembered that my daughter, all my daughters, really did love me. All those sweet kisses hanging there and I felt more joy than pain in my heart for a few minutes. It was awesome and it brought me some peace. Thank you Lord for an unexpected touch of Your hand in unexpected places.

By the way, the girls not being around in my life now has triggered the original pain from 12 years ago. I am grieving and trying to hard to accept the fact that I will never be able to hug my little girls again, have them cling to me, be excited to see me or need me. That time is gone. The chance for that is gone although I held out hope that God would intervene and restore. He elected not to for purposes only He knows. Its hard because I dont have a real support system intact right now so its just me and Him in the darkness and pain right here. so you can see why those "kisses" seemed so very sweet to me for a few brief moments last night standing there in my closet and just trying to remember and hold on to those memories.

Im' driving 300 miles to pick them up in a few days for christmas. Turning around and driving the same back. 10 hour day and its a long one. Getting harder the older I get. The HARD part is that dd15A, the one I have a prayer request out for, is not going to come up. She would rather stay at her fathers, and have do what she wants than come here. The alienation is working alot in her. Please keep all of us in prayer. The empty place at the table, even if it is only a few times a year is so noticeable. The empty place in pictures of my girls.. never the same. Will have to bury my grief fora few weeks but my christian counselor says I need to go through it. Thanks for listening.

Sunshine, many ! It is bittersweet to find those precious gifts from our kids isn't it? I know the pain of alienation and missing out on the sweet hugs and just being needed.
God does know their hearts and that's why His spirit reminded you that they do love you! The pain they have to live with and face every day has to be crushing at times...yet they are in survival mode at the same time.
We are praying for your trip and your time with them! Please let us know how everything went! Love you!!!!

[Mom2ten]

Tomorrow will be 6 years since I was thrown out and had my children taken from me