For Noncustodial Moms (mod edit - *only*, no men please)

[Mom2ten]

Cherished...I wish I could hold you.
Father, please hold Cherished right now. Please let her feel Your spirit around her as she grieves for her children. You, above all, know her pain. Please Lord, bring her Your peace, comfort and healing. Please show her that she is a good mother and that though the enemy has done his best to keep her out of her childrens lives, that You will never let that happen. Please give her encouragement from Your word Lord, verses that she can hold onto with promise. Surround her with people who truly love her. In Your precious name, amen.

[Beccasue]

Cherished, my heart hurts for you right now! You are in my prayers, I love you and more importantly - Jesus loves you. He understands the ache of just wanting to hold and protect His children.

It is such a comfort to me that our Lord understands the deepest grief of our souls and to know that He will carry us through!!

Many, many prayers and hugs to you and everyone else on this thread who are hurting so much!

[sunshine2777]

Hang in there Cherish. I totally understand that deep in the gut pain from not having them when they are young like that. In fact, I have had to literally train my brain not to even go down that road and think about it or I think I would literally double over and fall into such pain and darkness, that I wouldn't even be able to function. Every once in a while, my thoughts will start down that road and I have to stop them. I dont want to feel that deep gut wrenching soul wrenching pain again, especially since that time is gone and I'll never get it back as they are older. So try to stop yourself and change your thoughts when you start to go down that road. Its the only way I can survive and not lose my mind. And no one gets it but a mom who has given birth, started their kids down the right road, only to have the enemy take it all away. We do though and Jesus does. I dont know what in the world keeps Him from having that feeling every day with His Creation but I guess that is why He's God and we aren't.

Something that might work because you have to get the emotions out some way, is to keep a journal to your daughter. Every day tell her what you wish you could do for her, how you feel, etc. Date it too.And it doesnt have to be long, it doesnt matter, just gives you a chance to tell her your thoughts, she just wont get to know about them until later when you give the journal to her. I wish I had done this for my girls. I did come across a couple of letters but not the same as a journal. Express your love in there when you have no other way to do it. It wont solve the problem but it will give your daughter a gift many kids with both parents never even get and she will KNOW she was loved by you and how much.

As for the bitterness thing? In the flesh, I can't tell you some of my thoughts at times that I have to turn around and ask for forgiveness for. But, in the spirit, I know that he is facing hell if he doesnt get saved. I actually studied some info on hell so I could understand better what lies ahead for him (and others) who dont get saved. I wouldn't even wish it on my ex and trust me, that is quite a statement. He's lost and the enemy of our souls has used him to try and destroy me and the girls. I KNOW the enemy is involved in this because of the timing on some things was "too" perfect. But God will always do what is right. If he wanted to change this situation today, He would. But He has chosen not to. God is still righteous and still in control and I just trust Him because I KNOW He will always do the right thing. He has a purpose in this and I count on that promise. He is working this all out for my good and the girls good because I know I love Him and He promised me He would do that. So I wait, another lesson in pain. I could do a whole sermon on the lessons in this journey but deep down, I just want the pain to end. And it wont because of loss and because of love in my heart.

I understand/We understand. He understands. Get the devotional Streams in the Desert by LB Cowan.. it is an excellent book for a life that goes down a long painful road that never seems to end and it gives hope along the way. Its not for people who have a "happy" life, but it is for those of us who live in daily emotional pain. Hang in there.

Combat comes before victory. If God has chosen special trials for you to endure, be assured He has kept a very special place in His heart just for you. A badly bruised soul is one who is chosen. Streams in the Desert, LB Cowan

[Mom2ten]

I am really having a hard time today...please lift me in prayer...thanks.

[Beccasue]

I am really having a hard time today...please lift me in prayer...thanks.

for you Mom - extra hard today - I've added all of the mom's on this thread to my daily prayers - it is such a tough row to hoe - you all have a special place in my heart!!

[Cherished]

Thank you to all who had comforting words of encouragement. Please forgive my slowness in responding. Sometimes I am just too drained to want to talk (or type) about it. It is a roller coaster ride, to be sure. Mom2ten, a big hug to you right now, and I pray the Lord comes to your rescue to comfort you. At least we know that one day our pains will cease, and we will be in the Lord's presence forevermore.

[Mom2ten]

Thanks so much Beccasue and Cherished..had a better day. I think I need a good cry, but cannot cry much..still. I praise God for His mercy and grace!!!

[sunshine2777]

Need prayer for this weekend... and alot of it... in a nutshell: healing of hearts and a relationship is needed. My youngest daughter, dd15A, as a last minute thing, is flying in on Saturday for a couple of days. She has not been up here since the summer of 2010 right before my mom passed away. Her and dh exchanged very hurtful words at the funeral and its been bad ever since. dd15A is 15 in today's world, which explains some of her behavior and thoughts, but she is also a victim of abuse living in a very toxic environment with her dad in Texas and he has worked steadily to alienate her (& her sisters) against dh and myself for years. She has grabbed her dad's anger issues and uses anger as her defense mechanism now.

Please, PLEASE, pray for this weekend. That God would move in both their hearts and heal their relationship. They used to be so close but heavy trials, changes in them and in circumstances and time has taken its toll on everyone in this family. Pray God moves in this, and does not even allow the enemy to take even a swipe at the situation this weekend, let alone step foot in it. He's done enough damage and its time he be shut down. Both will need to approach the other with compassion and grace. And if they don't, Im stuck inthe middle once more w/ my own pain. I know it's God's will that their relationship be healed but I"m asking for the strongest prayer warriors I know to get this lifted up in prayer to our awesome God today and throughout the weekend. If you could see inside this mom's ripped-to-shreds heart, you would know this is a cry and request from very deep in my soul. Thank you so much! I love you guys and pray God blesses you in a special way for every second you spend lifting this up. The victory is the Lord's but we still have to fight the good fight of faith!

Guess I should post this on the prayer thread as well... Thank you everyone for the

[Mom2ten]

Sunshine, I'm so excited she is coming and of course I will be in prayer!! Please let us know how it goes!

[sunshine2777]

If any of you need a lesson on how I KNOW the enemy is well entrench in my situation, all you have to do is read and watch the "timing" of things.

Something really bad happened to another dd yesterday while I was driving back from airport with the dd I'm trying to connect with. I'm not supposed to know. They are hiding it from me but it is not good. The enemy didn't just take a swipe with his paw into this situation, he used his dragon tail and attempted to clean house on this one to the point that I am really wanting to die and not witness or go through all this. I know, God allowed it and He allowed the timing. But I'm only human and I feel like He has let me get literally smashed into bits by the enemy. Even if I can get my faith and brain wrapped around this, I already know its going to hit my health. My instincts as a mom are actually being used against me at this point. God will always do whats right, I know that. But there are points when death and going home seems like a much better option. Its not matter of "I can't do this even in His strength", its more a matter of "I dont know if I want to do this at all". AFter everything I have been through and after still keeping the faith, why is it necessary to keep crushing me like this. I have never asked God why through all these 11 years of hell on earth but this one? I just dont get. Please pray for my daughter, pray for all my daughters and pray for me to have His wisdom and to know what to do to help my daughter. No wonder I dont have teh ability to ever relax anymore. Rest in Him, yes, but relax, nope, if that makes sense. thanks ladies. I hope this makes sense.. I just cannot go into detail on this forum but if you want to know more, pm me.. ok?

[sunshine2777]

Nightmare continues... just got home. Went down to see the girls. Trying to talk to dd who got in trouble this past week. Ex called the police on me when I went to pick them up and dd and I got into a fight. She was hitting me (not bad) but ex called the cops and told them I was hitting her. They came to the scene and talked to me and dd. This is getting beyond ridiculous and I dont know how or why God is allowing all this, but I hope it ends soon. There is so much fallout from last week to deal w/ and my ex is so mentally ill, he needs to be removed from the house or the girls from it. And they all need alot of help and counseling to undo the damage and destruction the enemy has done to my children. I come home and my dh is morphing before my eyes too and not in a good way. Please pray. I am tired beyond belief.

[Mom2ten]

Nightmare continues... just got home. Went down to see the girls. Trying to talk to dd who got in trouble this past week. Ex called the police on me when I went to pick them up and dd and I got into a fight. She was hitting me (not bad) but ex called the cops and told them I was hitting her. They came to the scene and talked to me and dd. This is getting beyond ridiculous and I dont know how or why God is allowing all this, but I hope it ends soon. There is so much fallout from last week to deal w/ and my ex is so mentally ill, he needs to be removed from the house or the girls from it. And they all need alot of help and counseling to undo the damage and destruction the enemy has done to my children. I come home and my dh is morphing before my eyes too and not in a good way. Please pray. I am tired beyond belief.

((( Sunshine ))) you have all been in my prayers and will continue to be. I am so sorry this didn't turnout better. I pray that you got some good sleep, will pm you.

[sunshine2777]

[QUOTE=Accepted;2143238]

Dont get discouraged if you dont see alot of replies on here. Being a noncustodial mom is a unique position that very few people understand, let alone relate to. But to those of us who are in it or have been around it, this thread could be like a cold drink of water on a very hot day.

Well, accepted, we can see you were right about replies. It is a pretty small group to begin with.

And I hope that my recent posts didn't throw a wrench into the idea that this thread could be like a cold drink of water on a very hot day either.

I know my recent posts of what is going on just recently are hard to read and empathize with. My bestfriend who has witnessed all this over the years and even helped out, knows the girls, etc (we have known each other since the 8th grade) doesnt know what to say either. She basically just listens and offer suggestions when she can think of one. So I'm well aware that there isn't alot to say many times in these types of situations.

But I"m going to be so bold as to put something out there. It may not hit anyone between the eyes but then.. it may get at least one of you to check your heart and whats going on it it. Is their any judgement going on here? Do you think "well, I'm certain she did something to deserve this?" "She's not telling us the entire truth". "There's always another side, this can't be just on the ex.".... And most noncustodial moms for any length of time are very well experienced in being judged from the least of expected sources so its common. I'm not attacking, I'm asking. That's all. It's another very unpleasant side effect to our situation. The ones who I found through the years who did no judging are the strong believers in Christ who are well aware of evil existing in the world, that terribly bad things do happen to christians which are undeserving but God-allowed for His purposes. I guess like I said, there isn't much to say, but sometimes just an acknowledgement helps to remove the enemy's thoughts of "they are judging you".. "you are guilty"... "you must have done something to deserve this".. and it deteriorates from there. Our identity is in Christ but being human, we are prime targets for this kind of stuff and its really hard. I"m not sure I am wording this correctly, but I"m trying. I"m not looking for pity either. But isn't kind of like walking past someone laying there hurting because their leg just got run over and you keep going without saying something? Maybe I'm the one lacking understanding in this and need ssome help understanding. If so, tell me. Meanwhile, I'm headed to pray for my girls, ex, me, dh and alot of wisdom and possibly a huge miracle from our Lord. And the strength to do this one more day while my heart just keeps bleeding. I hope I didn't make anyone mad. I really do. Thanks fo reading.

[Mom2ten]

[QUOTE=sunshine2777;2160945]

Well, accepted, we can see you were right about replies. It is a pretty small group to begin with.

And I hope that my recent posts didn't throw a wrench into the idea that this thread could be like a cold drink of water on a very hot day either.

I know my recent posts of what is going on just recently are hard to read and empathize with. My bestfriend who has witnessed all this over the years and even helped out, knows the girls, etc (we have known each other since the 8th grade) doesnt know what to say either. She basically just listens and offer suggestions when she can think of one. So I'm well aware that there isn't alot to say many times in these types of situations.

But I"m going to be so bold as to put something out there. It may not hit anyone between the eyes but then.. it may get at least one of you to check your heart and whats going on it it. Is their any judgement going on here? Do you think "well, I'm certain she did something to deserve this?" "She's not telling us the entire truth". "There's always another side, this can't be just on the ex.".... And most noncustodial moms for any length of time are very well experienced in being judged from the least of expected sources so its common. I'm not attacking, I'm asking. That's all. It's another very unpleasant side effect to our situation. The ones who I found through the years who did no judging are the strong believers in Christ who are well aware of evil existing in the world, that terribly bad things do happen to christians which are undeserving but God-allowed for His purposes. I guess like I said, there isn't much to say, but sometimes just an acknowledgement helps to remove the enemy's thoughts of "they are judging you".. "you are guilty"... "you must have done something to deserve this".. and it deteriorates from there. Our identity is in Christ but being human, we are prime targets for this kind of stuff and its really hard. I"m not sure I am wording this correctly, but I"m trying. I"m not looking for pity either. But isn't kind of like walking past someone laying there hurting because their leg just got run over and you keep going without saying something? Maybe I'm the one lacking understanding in this and need ssome help understanding. If so, tell me. Meanwhile, I'm headed to pray for my girls, ex, me, dh and alot of wisdom and possibly a huge miracle from our Lord. And the strength to do this one more day while my heart just keeps bleeding. I hope I didn't make anyone mad. I really do. Thanks fo reading.

Sunshine, of course there is no judgement. We all know that NCMs are questioned, requestioned and then judged without reason. I don't believe anyone has judged you here and I believe you have been kept in prayer. I have pm'd you, didn't you get them?

[Jacinth]

Is their any judgement going on here? Do you think "well, I'm certain she did something to deserve this?" "She's not telling us the entire truth". "There's always another side, this can't be just on the ex."....

No.
There are plenty of things that happen to Christians where no particular thing they did would have caused it.
Its just something God allowed to happen. Or continues to allow happen.

[Mom2ten]

Sunshine...clear out your inbox!!!

[sunshine2777]

Sunshine...clear out your inbox!!!

I did sister.. I did! Sorry about that.

[Mom2ten]

To all my wonderful, awesome Moms!! I pray you are all doing well. I know it's been tough and hard, but you have been in my prayers! I so need to tell you something!! At church last Sunday I was prayed over for depression and despair and I knew the Lord was calling me to get free of it. I have been fasting and praying the past 3 days and believe the Lord has freed me from it all!! I have sought out wise counsel and want to share with you. The pain of losing our kids is a bottomless pit yet the Lord is showing me that even though the pain will never go away, I am to praise Him and pray for my kids and ex husbands salvation. I have been doing that, but have thought for a long time since it still hurts so much I must not be doing it right. I know...duh Satan has had a field day with me for so long but no more. I know my pain will still be there until I go home and that's not a bad thing...it will be the thing to drive me to my knees in prayer and praise. I am sure you all know this and maybe I'm a bit late in getting a clue, but everything the Lord has shown me the past 3 days has made so much sense and has given me direction.

[Mom2ten]

Sunshine...please empty out your inbox again!!!

[Mom2ten]

To all of you WONDERFUL moms! Every time I hear this song, it reminds me of how the Lord will bring us out of our pain and we will rise in Him!