I feel you brother. You and I are somewhat in the same boat. I've had a temper problem for years. Mom says it's a "Latin" thing (I'm Spanish). With all of the issues going on in the world--our nation, our failed leadership, the economy, personal stress--it's hard not to get irritable.
Issue #1 though is your family. It's ok to be angry. You don't want to lose it with the wife & kids around though. Your kids look up to you, if you continue to do this in front of them they will see your reaction as "normal" and monkey sees monkey does--eventually they will become just like you do when they don't get their way.
If you have a bad marriage then may I suggest some good old fashioned Christian counseling. I have no idea what 9 years of a bad marriage feels like and I can only imagine how frustrating that would be--but there are kids involved now. You owe it to them to work things out with the wife. However bad it is there is always a remedy. If you've ever watched the move "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron I would suggest to start humbling yourself (like he did in the movie) with your wife to patch things up.
Next, you need to work on anger control. Again--counseling is a good place to start. But find a Christian counselor--there is no need to inject worldly poison into an already bad problem. If you fix this, I can imagine the marriage thing will start to flow a little better.
Lastly, may I suggest giving your anger to God? He is our eternal healer & redemer after all. It's a slow process (I'm still in phase one myself) but little by little you'll see changes.
You'll be in my prayers for sure--I know EXACTLY what you are going through. God Bless!
Ioan 14:6 Dicit ei Iesus ego sum via et veritas et vita nemo venit ad Patrem nisi per me.
Romani 10:9 quia si confitearis in ore tuo Dominum Iesum et in corde tuo credideris quod Deus illum excitavit ex mortuis salvus eris
I don't always double down on failure,
but when I do,
I vote for Obama,
Stay jobless, my friends.