Problem with anger.

[Jlutz]

I need some help from other men.

I have an anger problem. It seems to be getting worse. Every little thing has the potential to set me off. I am constantly living in a state of irritability. I get angry at the smallest things. It's getting worse, and I'm worried. I find my self losing it with my kids more and more. I yell at them a lot. I feel horrible about it, and I always apologize and tell them how much I love them, but I'm afraid I'm doing damage. My kids are 6 and 2.

My wife and I are constantly fighting, and I think most of my anger issues stem from our bad marriage. Not that I'm blaming her, I know this is my problem. I never used to be this way, I was always happy go lucky, but after 9 years of a bad marriage all the stored up bitterness and resentment is coming out. At least I think that's what is happening, I don't know how else to explain it.

I'm really worried that I'm going to lose control one of these days. I'm not a violent person, but I feel like Bruce banner turning into the hulk sometimes. Honestly I'm scared.

I've been praying about this, but it's not getting better. I know other men also have gone through this I would appreciate your prayer and advice.

This is not an easy thing to write, I've never discussed it with anyone before, but I have to get some help

[Florian9]

I feel you brother. You and I are somewhat in the same boat. I've had a temper problem for years. Mom says it's a "Latin" thing (I'm Spanish). With all of the issues going on in the world--our nation, our failed leadership, the economy, personal stress--it's hard not to get irritable.

Issue #1 though is your family. It's ok to be angry. You don't want to lose it with the wife & kids around though. Your kids look up to you, if you continue to do this in front of them they will see your reaction as "normal" and monkey sees monkey does--eventually they will become just like you do when they don't get their way.

If you have a bad marriage then may I suggest some good old fashioned Christian counseling. I have no idea what 9 years of a bad marriage feels like and I can only imagine how frustrating that would be--but there are kids involved now. You owe it to them to work things out with the wife. However bad it is there is always a remedy. If you've ever watched the move "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron I would suggest to start humbling yourself (like he did in the movie) with your wife to patch things up.

Next, you need to work on anger control. Again--counseling is a good place to start. But find a Christian counselor--there is no need to inject worldly poison into an already bad problem. If you fix this, I can imagine the marriage thing will start to flow a little better.

Lastly, may I suggest giving your anger to God? He is our eternal healer & redemer after all. It's a slow process (I'm still in phase one myself) but little by little you'll see changes.
You'll be in my prayers for sure--I know EXACTLY what you are going through. God Bless!

[Hootmon]

Find someone to take the kids for a few days and go to a Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.

http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJ...ge_Getaway.htm

Book a room in the hotel the conference is in.

[gradywhite]

Some times it is simple as a chemical inbalance, also. ANd it is absolutely nothing to worry about or be ashamed about.
Let me tell you my story,,,,,
I learned at a very early age, what missery can be. Both parents went to jail when I was young, and I got stuck in abusive homes. It built up a lot of anger. Most of which I kept in.
Then in my adult life, I mainly did good, UNTILL, we had a kid. I don't know if it brought back bad memories, or what, but I started having difficulty keeping control. One day my neck got soo sore, I couldn't move my head. So I go to the doc. Turns out, all the stress I was keeping, and dealing with, was my problem. About a week or two on something to calm me down, gave me the opportunity to look at what the underlining problems were.
I had also been praying to God, and I really think the neck pain came from Him, to get me to calm down.
we have had a second kid, and some of the problems started comeing back, in the last year or so. I was doing good, but noticing to myself that mean look in my face, again. Back to the doc, but this time, I explain my problem a lil' more honestly. I'm back on a 2 week supply of the med, and I get to re-evaluate again.
God is good, but he also gave us super smart men, such as docs, and coucelors to help out.

(by the way, the kid's aren't my problem. I got some weird thing about not being able to communicate that causes me stress. And 'goo-goo,,,gaa-gaa,,, doesn't cut it for me)

[gradywhite]

Oh yeah, go buy a boat. I would suggest grady-white, but a simple kyak will do.

[LANDMAN]

One suggestion you may want to look at is going to your MD and seeing if there is a medication that may help you.

I was having extreme stress/depression problems and anger was one of the symptoms. Doc put me on paxil and I could hear the birds singing again......That is not the complete answer, but he may have something that can help you chemically.

I'm praying for you Bro!

[WKUHilltopper]

I understand completely. Men are supposed to "control" things and be the "protectors". Sometimes things don't work out like they're supposed to and we have a society trying their best to "neuter" men. Probably to make us submissive. But I can understand your "anger". And I respect your asking for "help".

I find that chopping wood, hard exercise (with an Ipod playing Scriptures or a sermon) helps. Remember, it isn't our families creating the situation. Maybe also have a face-to-face talk with your family and explain you need to have some "quiet" time in the home and more consideration from them as you work through some of these things. I would emphasize to them you want to be more like Jesus and have a desire to imitate Him. Thus, need their help to work on this.

I would also let them see you reading the Scriptures in the Den, kitchen, where ever they are (or where ever you read) and just let them know you need for them to remain relatively quiet because you're reading the Bible and that merits relevance/respect. Plus, it would demonstrate to them how important it is as well.

Remember, Jesus never lost His tempter unless it was righteously motivated. If you feel getting angry over the slightest event, try reciting your favorite passage or your favorite hymn. Ask Jesus to intervene right that second.

I know these are simplistic, because we really don't know your situation. But this seems to help with me. And I hope it helps you as well.

[Acts5:41]

My husband used to call me "Heather the Hatchet".

I take medication now that I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and my life is a thousand times better. When I get mad now, there's a reason, and I get over it quickly.

[Jlutz]

Thank you for the advice. I am taking it all very seriously. I continue to covet your prayer and advice. I will probably be unavailable for most of this week, we are moving, so if I don't return a pm or respond to this thread right away it is just because of travel and getting moved.

It helps immensely just hearing from others who have dealt with this. Thanks

[Tesla]

Forgive me if this is too much prying, but can you explain what exactly it is about your marriage that is so bad?

[old_andy]

Thank you for the advice. I am taking it all very seriously. I continue to covet your prayer and advice. I will probably be unavailable for most of this week, we are moving, so if I don't return a pm or respond to this thread right away it is just because of travel and getting moved.

It helps immensely just hearing from others who have dealt with this. Thanks

My brother you have received some excellent advice. If I may, I would also suggest a visit to your doctor to make sure there is not any type of medical problem that you may be unaware of. You stated in your OP that, in my words, your personality has changed. There may be/may not be a unknown medical problem.

I will be praying for you and your family.

[pixelpusher]

Oh yeah, go buy a boat. I would suggest grady-white, but a simple kyak will do.

Lol, (ok not a laughing matter) but I second this. I worked indirectly for Grady-White for 14 years, and if you have the jack, they are fantastic boats. But the cost could add more stress... I love my sub-$300 homemade inuit skin on frame kayak, it is my escape pod. Even Jesus had to get away from ppl sometimes. Paddling and praying seem to go hand in hand. It's not only a healthy actity but like Acts oftevn says in other threads, its my.God Time.

[$teve]

Hi Jlutz

I have seen you post a little in the end-time sections and haven't yet seen this thread. Just to let you know, I understand your frustrations brother. A difficult marriage is hard yards. I never had children when I was married so I certainly am not one to advise on this issue, but I also understand it would be difficult and I know you love your little children. I have Persian cats and I know how much it would hurt me if they exhibit being upset or uncomfortable if I am ever exhibiting anger. Take care brother and I sincerely hope Jesus is coming soon to take us from this world.

[Tall Timbers]

Hi Jlutz, I've not had the propensity for violence, but am 21 years into a very poor marriage and have 4 wonderful kids. My personal solution is complete immersion in prayer and fasting, until God's peace fills you to overflowing. Also, stop expecting anything from your spouse, and be thankful for whatever good she does do. Be the best husband and father you can be, and focus on sharing the love of our Father with your children. Show kindness to your wife and when you feel danger rising, completely immerse yourself in prayer and fasting. Sometimes a few days away from the spouse combined with complete immersion in prayer and fasting is helpful. Let your focus be on Christ, keep your eyes on him, and constantly seek the comforting guidance of the Holy Spirit. May the blessings of the Lord be upon you.

[Jlutz]

Thanks everyone,


We've been busy moving and traveling over the last week or 2 so I havnt Had a lot of time to reflect on things.

Your prayers have helped and are appreciated. I have been more aware of getting angry and I have been able to catch myself more frequently than before.

I would appreciate your continued prayer as this will be a long road

[Jlutz]

I've been failing pretty hard on this over the last week or two. Seems like every step forward brings several steps back.

I would like you to continue praying for me

I also need a job, I've been unemployed for about a month now. I know God has a plan so pray that I will find it

[momoffaith]

Hi Jlutz, I've not had the propensity for violence, but am 21 years into a very poor marriage and have 4 wonderful kids. My personal solution is complete immersion in prayer and fasting, until God's peace fills you to overflowing. Also, stop expecting anything from your spouse, and be thankful for whatever good she does do. Be the best husband and father you can be, and focus on sharing the love of our Father with your children. Show kindness to your wife and when you feel danger rising, completely immerse yourself in prayer and fasting. Sometimes a few days away from the spouse combined with complete immersion in prayer and fasting is helpful. Let your focus be on Christ, keep your eyes on him, and constantly seek the comforting guidance of the Holy Spirit. May the blessings of the Lord be upon you.

I have a lot of respect for you.
It's all about Jesus.

[momoffaith]

I've been failing pretty hard on this over the last week or two. Seems like every step forward brings several steps back.

I would like you to continue praying for me

I also need a job, I've been unemployed for about a month now. I know God has a plan so pray that I will find it

Praying for you and your family.

[Randy B]

[Crazed for Jesus]

Howdy Jlutz

I'm not an adult or a father like you, but I do as well have the fault of uncontrollable anger and rage, and I (sadly) sometimes let it get the better which has led to many people in my peer group call me a "psychopath". I find that for me, one of the best outlets for anger or frustration is an hour or so work out at the gym lifting weights, (or if there is one) punching the heck out of a punching bag.

I'll be praying