a.. Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
b.. Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
c.. Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
d.. Catholic: None. Candles only.
e.. Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and to decide who brings the fried chicken and potato salad.
f.. Episcopalian: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
g.. Mormon: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
h.. Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely burned out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
i.. Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
j.. Lutheran: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
k.. Church of Christ: They do not use light bulbs because there is no evidence of their use in the New Testament.
l.. Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next Sunday's service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
m.. Amish: What's a light bulb?