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Thread: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. #1
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    lol How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

    a.. Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
    b.. Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
    c.. Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
    d.. Catholic: None. Candles only.
    e.. Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and to decide who brings the fried chicken and potato salad.
    f.. Episcopalian: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
    g.. Mormon: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
    h.. Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely burned out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
    i.. Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
    j.. Lutheran: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
    k.. Church of Christ: They do not use light bulbs because there is no evidence of their use in the New Testament.
    l.. Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next Sunday's service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
    m.. Amish: What's a light bulb?

  2. #2
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    as a Baptist, i approve this message!

  3. #3
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    Good humor.

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    Quote Originally Posted by icebear View Post
    as a Baptist, i approve this message!
    One of my goals is to go to a true southern Baptist church service (and afterwards stuff my face ).

  5. #5
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    Mr Beanian. 1 plus a pellet pistol to turn the new bulb off.
    It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

    John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

    “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”

  6. #6
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    omme members of my church (Church of God) heard about the light bulb and are holding candlelight services and ring prayers for the enlightenment of the bulb.


    p.s. prayerclothes are on the way


    AMERICA IN DISTRESS

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThePenguin View Post
    One of my goals is to go to a true southern Baptist church service (and afterwards stuff my face ).
    You'd be welcome at mine any time, Peng!! Best times to come and get fed is on Fifth Sunday (which was last Sunday, as it happens), any Wednesday night, the Sunday night before T'giving, last-night-of-VBS cookout, our men's ministry annual trout tournament in May, and Sunrise Service with breakfast afterwards. There are also other eating opportunities throughout the year, but these are the ones most set in stone.

    Oh, and don't worry about fat and calories. All fat and calories are automatically removed from all foods once they cross over the fellowship hall threshold.
    "Oir is leatsa an rioghachd, agus an cumhachd, agus a gloir, gu siorraidh, Amen." ("For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever, Amen" -- Scots Gaelic)

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    How to change from standard light bulb to energy-saving light bulb according to-


    Deepak Chopra: The power to save power is within you.

    Dr. Phil: First, the light bulb must WANT to change.

    Oprah: Ordinary light bulbs can save energy by drawing from your personal energy field.

    Ayatollah Khomeni: I issue a fatwah against the standard light bulb!

    Pope Benedict: I'll ask God and tell you what He said.

    Owebama: I'm still working on Hope. Change will come in my second term. Yes it can.

    Solyndra: Give us another half a billion dollars and we'll tell you.

    Cern: (still baffled)

  9. #9
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    Bereans: each believer, to check the authenticity of the lightbulb before installation

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raphael View Post
    How to change from standard light bulb to energy-saving light bulb according to-
    The EPA - Get a hazmat suit and full respirator, be sure to wear triple gloves at all times when handling the new mercury filled energy saving bulbs. If you should drop a mercury filled bulb and it should break, evacuate the surrounding area to a radius of 5 miles until the EPA's own hazmat team can render the site safe for human habitation. Othewise use the bulbs as you would any other, just remember they don't cast the same white light we're all used to but it's no big deal because the gubmint says so......

    Come soon Lord Jesus - Take us Safely Home

    John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

    Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.



  11. #11
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    love this


    Quote Originally Posted by Raphael View Post
    How to change from standard light bulb to energy-saving light bulb according to-


    Deepak Chopra: The power to save power is within you.

    Dr. Phil: First, the light bulb must WANT to change.

    Oprah: Ordinary light bulbs can save energy by drawing from your personal energy field.

    Ayatollah Khomeni: I issue a fatwah against the standard light bulb!

    Pope Benedict: I'll ask God and tell you what He said.

    Owebama: I'm still working on Hope. Change will come in my second term. Yes it can.

    Solyndra: Give us another half a billion dollars and we'll tell you.

    Cern: (still baffled)

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raphael View Post
    How to change from standard light bulb to energy-saving light bulb according to-


    Deepak Chopra: The power to save power is within you.

    Dr. Phil: First, the light bulb must WANT to change.

    Oprah: Ordinary light bulbs can save energy by drawing from your personal energy field.

    Ayatollah Khomeni: I issue a fatwah against the standard light bulb!

    Pope Benedict: I'll ask God and tell you what He said.

    Owebama: I'm still working on Hope. Change will come in my second term. Yes it can.

    Solyndra: Give us another half a billion dollars and we'll tell you.

    Cern: (still baffled)

    where do you come up with this stuff? and where can i submit my subscription?

  13. #13
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    LOVE IT!!!
    Especially the last one!

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    LOVE IT!!!:

  16. #16
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    Please pray for my unsaved loved-ones. Time is short.

  17. #17
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    Benny Hinn-

    For a love offering of any amount, I will send you a healing dishrag that I personally blessed. Drape your old light bulbs with the blessed dishrag, and the next morning they will be energy-saving. If it doesn't work, it's because you didn't have enough faith.

  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by icebear View Post
    where do you come up with this stuff? and where can i submit my subscription?
    And to think, we've got eternity with this guy to look forward to!!
    "Oir is leatsa an rioghachd, agus an cumhachd, agus a gloir, gu siorraidh, Amen." ("For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever, Amen" -- Scots Gaelic)

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raphael View Post
    Benny Hinn-

    For a love offering of any amount, I will send you a healing dishrag that I personally blessed. Drape your old light bulbs with the blessed dishrag, and the next morning they will be energy-saving. If it doesn't work, it's because you didn't have enough faith.

    I never really understood Benny Hinn

  20. #20
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    redneck: stand on yer wifes sholders n screw er in thataway and hope'lly itl work. git er done.

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