Need some opinions/advice

[DH1991]

Hey, what's going on everybody? My name's, David, and I need some much needed Christian opinions/advice about a few things. First off, I'm 20, I'm working part time, and live with my mother and mentally disabled brother. We recently moved because of my parents divorce (I know divorce is wrong btw) but my dad initiated it, my mom is Christian, and was strongly against it, but that's another story altogether haha.

Uhm, alrighty, all of my friends live in my former hometown about 20-30 minutes away. (None are saved, sadly). Now, my problem is that they always want to hangout, but I always drive down to them, they've never made the trip up here, and I don't feel that's right. My friends are also a prime example of the saying "bad company corrupts good character". I tend to act like them if I hangout with them, and I know it's wrong. I feel I should make new friends, but I have none out here, and without them I wouldn't have any friends at all. What makes the situation even harder is we've been friends for a long time, and just flat out ditching them wouldn't feel right. I'd love to make Christian friends, I go to church, but everyone at my church is either very young or middle age/senior.

I've been a Christian for 5 1/2 years, and God has blessed me with much knowledge about Him and what's right and wrong. I feel He's allowed me to mature very quickly as a Christian for a purpose that I don't understand as of yet. Even with how much I know about prophecy and biblical things, this isn't any easier. I've found that when you become a Christian everything becomes harder, finding the right girl to date, the right friends, acting in a righteous manner instead of a worldly manner, etc. To most of you, I'm sure you're thinking "Well it sounds like you already know the answer to this." In a way I do, but I also have trust issues with God at certain times (something He's been helping me with.) I don't know... I just feel like I'll never find true Christian friends. The same goes for a true Christian girl. So many people are saved by mind, but not by heart. They use "Christian" as a title, and nothing more. I know we're in the last of the last days, and things are gonna get worse, I just wish things like this could be easier. I know American Christians have a cake walk compared to people in places like China or The Middle East, but we face our own challenges.

I also feel like I've been a prime target of spiritual attacks. Satan and his demons know that I'm saved, and they know God has blessed me with insight of the end times, and I know he wants to keep me quiet. Sorry for rambling, things are just crazy lol Thanks in advance for any input you may have. Take care.

[Jlutz]

Hey, what's going on everybody? My name's, David, and I need some much needed Christian opinions/advice about a few things. First off, I'm 20, I'm working part time, and live with my mother and mentally disabled brother. We recently moved because of my parents divorce (I know divorce is wrong btw) but my dad initiated it, my mom is Christian, and was strongly against it, but that's another story altogether haha.

Uhm, alrighty, all of my friends live in my former hometown about 20-30 minutes away. (None are saved, sadly). Now, my problem is that they always want to hangout, but I always drive down to them, they've never made the trip up here, and I don't feel that's right. My friends are also a prime example of the saying "bad company corrupts good character". I tend to act like them if I hangout with them, and I know it's wrong. I feel I should make new friends, but I have none out here, and without them I wouldn't have any friends at all. What makes the situation even harder is we've been friends for a long time, and just flat out ditching them wouldn't feel right. I'd love to make Christian friends, I go to church, but everyone at my church is either very young or middle age/senior.


I've been a Christian for 5 1/2 years, and God has blessed me with much knowledge about Him and what's right and wrong. I feel He's allowed me to mature very quickly as a Christian for a purpose that I don't understand as of yet. Even with how much I know about prophecy and biblical things, this isn't any easier. I've found that when you become a Christian everything becomes harder, finding the right girl to date, the right friends, acting in a righteous manner instead of a worldly manner, etc. To most of you, I'm sure you're thinking "Well it sounds like you already know the answer to this." In a way I do, but I also have trust issues with God at certain times (something He's been helping me with.) I don't know... I just feel like I'll never find true Christian friends. The same goes for a true Christian girl. So many people are saved by mind, but not by heart. They use "Christian" as a title, and nothing more. I know we're in the last of the last days, and things are gonna get worse, I just wish things like this could be easier. I know American Christians have a cake walk compared to people in places like China or The Middle East, but we face our own challenges.

I also feel like I've been a prime target of spiritual attacks. Satan and his demons know that I'm saved, and they know God has blessed me with insight of the end times, and I know he wants to keep me quiet. Sorry for rambling, things are just crazy lol Thanks in advance for any input you may have. Take care.

Are you going to school? That seems a logical place to make new friends. If your not going to school, what are you doing? Working part time living with mom, isn't going to attract many women. I would focus on figuring out what your doing with your life first and other things will fall into place. You will find out soon that many high school friendships don't make it long term anyway.

[DH1991]

I'm currently looking into school, and my boss is looking to move me to full time soon. I don't really have a hard time attracting women, it's that the girls I attract are usually unsaved. We're told to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. The girl situation really isn't my main problem. I'm just trying to get advice from anyone who's dealt with the problem of having an unbelieving group of friends, and how I could go about breaking away from them. Ever since the divorce and moving, I've had to start fresh with certain areas, and I'm finally starting to get back into a normal routine. Thanks for the response btw.

[Mtown]

(I dont want to hi-jack your thread, just want to share that I am in the same boat to a degree and feel your pain). But I am a recently born again christian of about a month and I am having a similar problem as you. None of my friends are saved and always call and want to hang out...which means drinking, clubs, bars, etc...I try to avoid them and haven't had the courage to tell them I no longer wish to do those things and I am saved. I am 30 years old and these are life long friends...I understand the feeling of betrayal or leaving them, confused to say the least and I have been praying about this for a while now. Any advice for the OP and me would be appreciated!!

[DH1991]

Yeah, it's definitely not easy. Once you become saved it's extremely difficult to feel comfortable hanging out with an unsaved group of people. It can make a Christian stumble, that's for sure.

[Steve53]

Seek God's will for your life not the will of your friends. Tell your friends you're a born again Christian and what that means to you - and to them (if you haven't already). If they're your true friends, they'll eventually call/come around. Make them want to aspire to be more like you, not the other way around.

[April]

You say you ALWAYS Have to be the One to Drive to them (you said in your post).
If, they are true friends of yours, why is that your the one always going to them, and them not coming your way.
It sounds like you are being Used, by your "friends".
You said, you would have no friends. You are truly never Alone.
And too make new friends, you have to get out there in your new place. Ask your church, if there is Clubs in the community you could join.
But. being around the wrong people, who refuse to come to you and change their behavior is people you honestly don't need to be around.
IMHO.

[Hisway]

You say you ALWAYS Have to be the One to Drive to them (you said in your post).
If, they are true friends of yours, why is that your the one always going to them, and them not coming your way.
It sounds like you are being Used, by your "friends".
You said, you would have no friends. You are truly never Alone.
And too make new friends, you have to get out there in your new place. Ask your church, if there is Clubs in the community you could join.
But. being around the wrong people, who refuse to come to you and change their behavior is people you honestly don't need to be around.
IMHO.

Hit the nail on the head. I have alot of friends, but really true friends I can count on one hand. A true friend would go to the other side of the world to see you. Don't worry about it as true friends will reveal themselves to you as life goes on.

[Mtown]

Seek God's will for your life not the will of your friends. Tell your friends you're a born again Christian and what that means to you - and to them (if you haven't already). If they're your true friends, they'll eventually call/come around. Make them want to aspire to be more like you, not the other way around.

That's how I've been going about it. It's just a tough thing to do, so many people around me and none are saved(except my family, thank the Lord). I seem to have this block of being able to tell people that I'm changed, I guess for fear of rejection, etc. I will keep praying and do my best to obey God.

To the OP, I think you got some good answers on what to do, and I think like me prayer and time and God will sort it all out.

[HisVessel]

God can use any situation for good. In your case it sounds like something good could come out of the bad situation of your parents divorce. The divorce is not fun and neither was moving but maybe God is placing you in a new situation where you can get a new start with christian friends. Wait patiently and it will be ok to let go of your old friends especially if they are influencing you in a bad way. This is a great time to start over, take advantage of the opportunity.

[Jlutz]

It can be discouraging to have to let go of your old friends, but God can lead you to new ones. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.

[DH1991]

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate them. This is gonna go off topic a bit, but being 20 years old in such a wicked country has been extremely difficult as of late. Being a virgin and seeing nothing but sex everywhere I go has been very hard.. It seems like the only way to rid myself of all visual temptation is to go into the wilderness and live like Grizzly Adams haha

But in all seriousness. I start to feel like a freak or an outcast when I think about how the majority of men my age have already done this or that, and I have only kissed one girl. I know I'm doing what God wants by staying a virgin, but the thoughts of me being a "weirdo" still linger. I just wish our country & world weren't so nasty... I look around and wonder; "Where have respectable women gone???". It just seems sad to be a guy and I know that I have more self control than the majority of women my age.... I know my home is Heaven, but it's so hard to live in a world ran by such evil men/spirits.... Makes me long for The Millennium & eternity....

[Pistos]

We are travelers in a foreign land..

Earthly affairs are just that, earthly. Not to mention, temporary.

As a member of the Bride, your inheritance awaits. It just takes patience.

[DH1991]

Yeah, that's true. It just gets tiring at times.

[dleader]

I noticed at age 20 and in my 20's that the young ladies who were christians didn't help with urges either the way they would dress. Then they get mad if you even look at them. I hope too that you will not stumble into drinking alcohol in excess when you are legal to do so in less than a year. It is a waste of time and money. You can do things when you're drunk that you will regret later. Here is another deterrent: Would you want to be drunk when Jesus came to take us? I pray that God will help you as this time in life can be a struggle. I can imagine it is worse than when I was that age a short 15 years ago. God Bless.

[jreed3]

It is very true that you can count your true friends on one hand. I have experienced your situation and in many ways still am. What I have found over the years is that I really have nothing in common with those friends from years gone by. And at the time, the only thing I had in common with them was partying and going out. What is truly amazing is that the one who I really counted as a true friend in high school ended up getting into bad stuff and we parted ways. After not seeing him for 10 years, he has now moved back to the area and is saved and involved at the same church I am and I didn't even know it

Anyways, I didn't offer any advice, but keep your head up and if you do find yourself in a sticky situation, say a prayer and try to be the best witness you can for Christ. You never know, maybe you can plant a seed that will eventually sprout in one or all of them!

[grateful1]

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate them. This is gonna go off topic a bit, but being 20 years old in such a wicked country has been extremely difficult as of late. Being a virgin and seeing nothing but sex everywhere I go has been very hard.. It seems like the only way to rid myself of all visual temptation is to go into the wilderness and live like Grizzly Adams haha

But in all seriousness. I start to feel like a freak or an outcast when I think about how the majority of men my age have already done this or that, and I have only kissed one girl. I know I'm doing what God wants by staying a virgin, but the thoughts of me being a "weirdo" still linger. I just wish our country & world weren't so nasty... I look around and wonder; "Where have respectable women gone???". It just seems sad to be a guy and I know that I have more self control than the majority of women my age.... I know my home is Heaven, but it's so hard to live in a world ran by such evil men/spirits.... Makes me long for The Millennium & eternity....

I grew up while "love-ins" were all the rage...I was saved from the grief of pre-martial sex. I am so grateful...especially today after 38 years of marriage. Seek first...and all these things will be added. I can confirm from personal experience that this is real. The world is illusionary and quickly passing away. Hang in there you will harbor no regrets - that is tremendous freedom.

[ehbowen]

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate them. This is gonna go off topic a bit, but being 20 years old in such a wicked country has been extremely difficult as of late. Being a virgin and seeing nothing but sex everywhere I go has been very hard.. It seems like the only way to rid myself of all visual temptation is to go into the wilderness and live like Grizzly Adams haha

But in all seriousness. I start to feel like a freak or an outcast when I think about how the majority of men my age have already done this or that, and I have only kissed one girl. I know I'm doing what God wants by staying a virgin, but the thoughts of me being a "weirdo" still linger. I just wish our country & world weren't so nasty... I look around and wonder; "Where have respectable women gone???". It just seems sad to be a guy and I know that I have more self control than the majority of women my age.... I know my home is Heaven, but it's so hard to live in a world ran by such evil men/spirits.... Makes me long for The Millennium & eternity....

BE a "weirdo"!

You want to know what you're really missing out on? Child support. Alimony. Divorce lawyers. Being cheated on. Overdrawn checking accounts and overlimit credit cards. Irate in-laws. The list goes on....

DON'T RUSH GOD. He knows your needs, including your need for companionship and your need to have your desires fulfilled. He's working on it. Remember that little place we preach too little about, called "Heaven?" When you make it there, and PARTICULARLY if you make it there having stayed within the center of God's will, all the things of Earth will indeed grow strangely dim. Don't trade your birthright as a Christian for a mess of pottage!

God knows you, knows your personality intimately, and only he—not eHarmony—knows if there is a girl out there who is right for you and where she is. TRUST HIM. He can and will bring her your way under circumstances which will let both of you know that you are right for each other. And if he doesn't, then repeat after me: "I would rather die single and a virgin than to marry the wrong girl!"

This world needs MORE "weirdos"!

—Signed, a weirdo who will turn 49 years old this year, and who is prepared to keep waiting as long as it takes!

[Nate928]

BE a "weirdo"!

You want to know what you're really missing out on? Child support. Alimony. Divorce lawyers. Being cheated on. Overdrawn checking accounts and overlimit credit cards. Irate in-laws. The list goes on....

DON'T RUSH GOD. He knows your needs, including your need for companionship and your need to have your desires fulfilled. He's working on it. Remember that little place we preach too little about, called "Heaven?" When you make it there, and PARTICULARLY if you make it there having stayed within the center of God's will, all the things of Earth will indeed grow strangely dim. Don't trade your birthright as a Christian for a mess of pottage!

God knows you, knows your personality intimately, and only he—not eHarmony—knows if there is a girl out there who is right for you and where she is. TRUST HIM. He can and will bring her your way under circumstances which will let both of you know that you are right for each other. And if he doesn't, then repeat after me: "I would rather die single and a virgin than to marry the wrong girl!"

This world needs MORE "weirdos"!

—Signed, a weirdo who will turn 49 years old this year, and who is prepared to keep waiting as long as it takes!

wow, I know this wasn't directed at me but thanks for posting that. I'm basically in the same boat. I'm turning 20 next month and am a virgin as well. I have a live interest who I've known for a long time but lives in my home town four hours away. We want to be together but the only way it would work is if I gave up my pursuits of the military. Seems like throughout my short life so far, I have had many aspirations that are just out of my reach or get ripped away from me every time I get close.. but one thing I always could count on was God's purpose for me. Even when I was faced with the prospect of having to sleep in a ditch several nights, God always took care of me. Every hardship we go through is essential to get to where we need to be. He always has our best interests at heart, and I'm sure that He will take care of you as well as us all. Hang in their bro!

[4given]

I have been through those struggles all most all of them. I lived out the prodigal son story. I have some good advice for you. The Bible says flee from darkness. Find out who your real friends are by being the sober one. It won't take long before all those you thought were friends will be gone if you do not drink or party. Find yourself a good church one where the Word of God the Bible is preached. The good girls and good women will usually be found there. There are many online christian websites and some christian dating sites, but you have to be a Berean, search them out and research them and prove them by the scriptures.

Being a christian in this world is not an easy walk, Jesus said it would be hard. He said in this world you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome this world. Another piece of scriptual advice that be ye not unequally yoked together with non believers does not mean in just marraige it also applies to friendships. It is a well known fact that we as humans will adapt to our enviornment. IE. if you hang out with the bad crowd before long you will be doing bad things just like them. Same goes with music, if you listen to controversial music it will subconsciously lead you in the wrong direction.

Really the best advice it to Put on the Full Armor of God, read, study, and know your Bible and Stand Firm in your beliefs. Many men have been brought down low by one minute of weakness in the flesh by satan.

//4given//