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Thread: Newly saved, question about girlfriend...

  1. #1
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    Oct 2011
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    Default Newly saved, question about girlfriend...

    I have been a true born again Christian for about a month now(I say true because I grew up in a good Christian home and was "saved" when I was about 7-8 or so, but strayed heavily and never felt the relationship or conviction I have now). But pack to the point, my question is: I have been with this girl for almost a year and I love her a lot. We have talked about marriage in the future and I believe that I would like to marry her. The good part of this is that she believes in God, she was baptized, and she says she is "saved". Now I say "saved" because she doesn't act like it, such as wanting to go to parties, she cusses, and doesn't regularly attend church or show any other sign of being a christian. My concern is about being unequally yoked and her bringing me down. She does talk to me about God and asks me a lot of questions and we have good discussions. I know that I have a very strong influence over her and she tends to do as I do sometimes. So I guess the real question is, should I stick with her and try to show her what really being saved is, or leave her now and forget the whole thing? The latter being a very difficult thing to do

    Then the other question is, how do I tell her that if she was really saved she wouldn't want to do the things she does and want to have a strong relationship with God. Or maybe she really is saved just a "lukewarm" christian? Idk...any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
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    I was like you, 'saved' at a young age but didn't have a personal relationship with Christ until I was 28 and about 4 years into a marriage with a man that was not saved. It was an awful, awful thing for years and years. My spouse, like your girlfriend, cussed and partied. The closer I got to the Lord the more of a strain it was on our relationship because I no longer wanted to do those things and my husband expected me to. My husband did finally get saved about 8 years after I started begging and pleading with the Lord daily for his salvation but it was a very burdensome thing because we were walking in two different directions. My advice to you would be not to get married unless you are certain she is saved. Getting married does complicate things and the concern you have now will only intensify after you are married because after you get married you are truly a team, a unit, the expectation is that you are on the same path, the same page, walking together. I don't think you need to act rash here and breakup or anything. I would just wait a period of time, let your faith sink in to your relationship, it's only been a month. She may come around a whole lot faster now that you are serving the Lord. Be firm in your faith because you won't be truly happy unless your partner is walking with you. But I wouldn't wait too long to make a decision either, you don't want to prolong the inevitable. Only you can decide what the time period will be. Pray for the Lord to guide you in this.

    You will know she is saved by her fruit: she will want to go to church, she will want to read the word, and she'll want to talk about God and pray.
    If you want to discuss what being a true christian means I would wait for the chance to work it into a conversation that has already been started. Don't speak about her personally, only speak in generalities. Let's say you are having a conversation about God you can then work in: I was reading the other day that you will know a Christian by their fruit, then tell her what the fruit is and leave it at that. She'll get the message and if she becomes offended that's the holy spirit convicting her.
    Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

  3. #3
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    Thank you so much for your reply! I can only hope that she will feel the Holy Spirit
    convicting her and change and walk with me. I think what you said about marriage is a
    good point. The good thing is that she asks questions daily and it's never cast aside
    or forgotten. She just asked me about paranormal and what I thought about those
    things and I was able to tell her how the devil is a deciever. I will continue to pray for her.

  4. #4
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    Don't rush into anything. If you really need to know what to do then pray about it, God will make it clear.

    Be prepared for either answer, and commit to following His will even if it's not what you want. marriage is nothing to step into lightly even if you are both Christians.
    For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Cor 1:18

  5. #5

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    I agree with the others. I would wait to get married until you are sure she is saved. I am married to an unbeliever and it is very difficult. She does not want to know anything about the things of God. It is also difficult as she has such a great influence on our children and they are far from God. I feel alone in my household. My advice would be not to marry an unbeliever it will make your walk extremely difficult. Give it some time and see if she comes around. If she does not, you should leave.

  6. #6
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    After reading these replies and thinking it over and praying, I do believe as stated above that it would not be wise to marry her if she isn't saved and willing to walk with God. I can see it as a strain that will rip us apart in the end. Thanks everyone...I got some praying to do!!

  7. #7
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    Work first and foremost on your new relationship with your Savior. Welcome to God's family.
    Mark 13:31 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.
    Coming again coming again maybe morning maybe noon maybe evening and maybe soon!
    Coming again coming again O what a wonderful day it will be! Jesus is coming again!

  8. #8

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    What a wonderful thing to be saved from the jaws of death.

    I would emphasise that it is important to work on your walk with the Lord, that means being obedient to all He commands you. Please ensure your relationship with this woman is pure so that if you are building a foundation for a Biblical marriage it is built on honouring the Lord. If this isn't the case you need to change this immediately. If she is saved you can help her know the Lord by encouraging her to know thw Lord better. Find a good church with Godly women who can encourage her I her walk. Find Godly men who can encourage you. Talk to your pastor, if he is Biblically sound, to help both of you prepare for marriage based on Gods Word. Let your conscience be clear regarding this woman and in all areas of your life. Repent and turn away from any sinful habits and He is faithful to forgive you. We'll be praying for you brother.

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