Rarely used English sentences

[Jan51]

"Stop doweling the cat!"

This needs an explanation. Years ago our young son loved to tease and torment the cat, and was doing so with a long thin wooden dowel of my husband's. This became a "saying" in our house--if someone was teasing/tormenting someone else, trying to get a reaction, they were "doweling" them. In fact, some friends have even started saying it!

[Raphael]

Question that should never be asked: "Where did you lose it?"

Statement that should not be made to a child: "Never put beans up your nose." This will cause him to put at least one bean up his nose.

[live2love]

Here in the UK we have

You're as useful as a chocolate fireguard

when someone is physically in the way of something we want to see or do we say, you make a better door than a window.

Or there's 'cheap at half the price' Well it would be wouldn't it?

[Wishing4]

"Never put beans up your nose." This will cause him to put at least one bean up his nose.

Or a raisin, or a cheerio...

[Wally]

This should be engraved on the Treasury Building:


I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left.




**actually this belongs in the Paprodiasiac thread......

[Raphael]

"Back to the drawing board". -Where did they go back to before there were drawing boards?


How does a person who operates a snow remover get to work?

[Wally]

"Back to the drawing board". -Where did they go back to before there were drawing boards?

Back to the cave wall.

[RandallB]

My youngest daughter when she was about 11 looked at me and said

"Dad, Just think about how much the future has changed."

That is a real deep thot.

[HooahWifey]

I have the occasional habit of swapping digraphs and prefixes in words when I am either tongue tied or speaking rapidly....which leads me to saying things such as, "I chomise to prange the batteries....."..."So scared, I was baking in my shoots..."

[Raphael]

The future ain't what it used to be.


Similar to one above:

Customer at Home Depot: I want a ruler or a yardstick.
Sales rep: How long do you want it?
Customer: I want to keep it.


Once I got my tongue in front of my eye teeth, and I couldn't see what I was saying. Eventually I got my tang untungled.

[Wally]

Seldom used english sentences - by MEN


I don't know.

I'm Lost. Can you help me find --------?

According to the directions here...

I have enough tools/guns/fishing rods.

I need more that 4 pairs of shoes/boots. (Hunting/fishing boots do not count - but then they are replaced each season)

[Raphael]

-and by women:


I have WAY too many shoes/purses.

Please don't get me any of those overpriced roses for Valentine's Day.

Thank you for waiting the day after Mother's Day to get me that card at 50 percent off.

Why don't we invite someone interesting to our next get-together instead of my mother?

[Wally]

Milton is still saving this stuff.

[Steph58873]

-and by women:
Please don't get me any of those overpriced roses for Valentine's Day.

I'll have you know I specifically asked DH not to buy me roses for Valentine's Day!

I asked for tulips.

[Raphael]

LOL!

I get a laugh every Valentine's Day when I see a herd of guys looking like lost sheep in a store gazing quizzically at candy, flowers, or a stuffed bear. You would think if they picked up the wrong item it would detonate.

Oddly enough, Israel is a leading EXPORTER of tulips. I seem to recall seeing a web video of a refrigerated cargo planeload of them going to - Holland?

But, I know you only asked for tulips within your DH's easy driving distance.

I thought my wife was being practical when she asked me not to get her expensive roses. She even said she would pick up the cheapest flowers at the flower shop, and would drive there herself to pick them up. Trouble was, she wanted to drive there in a new BMW.

[Tall Timbers]

"Pardon me sir, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

[Steph58873]

But, I know you only asked for tulips within your DH's easy driving distance.

Well he DID have to have them delivered. He was out of town on a business trip. But tulips are my absolute favorite flower so it is always what I ask for.

[HeIsEnough]

'You don't know what you're missing' if you've never said "No good deed goes unpunished"

[Wally]

"Pardon me sir, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

Well, that's better that the comment I made to a guy just hit by a seagull;

Pardon me sir, but do you realise you have gray p.........



Awesome Flowers!

But I always rush to nab the first blossoms on the farm.
DBW seems to really appreciate the dark purple skunk cabbage. The daffodils are not quite ready.

(Yes, she gets roses as do the two daughters)

[Musician in His house]

In all my years as a Pre-K teacher, I've never had a class where the kids just LOOK at me when I talk to them like my class this year does. It's not as bad now as it was at the beginning of the school year, so I think it might have been partly a language issue (most of my class is Hispanic and probably speak Spanish at home, and my Spanish is improving but not conversational). One of my students, though, a cute little guy, has what I call the "cute trifecta" -- big brown eyes, long eyelashes, and dimples. It has kind of become a "thing" for him to look pointedly at me and just BLINK, prompting this false-irritated response from me:

"Stop BLINKING at me!!"