Homemakers...

[Stacey]

My husband just asked me to quit my job last night. Which that's fine. I'm not really making any anyways. I stayed at home with the kids basically for te last 4 years. I worked but was making money and worked while he and our oldest was in school the little one stayed with her aunt. Anyway when I got preg with the baby I had to quit due to my pregnancy and was a full time stay at home mom for over a year. I got into a bad rut and depression set in. I'm not sure how to void that rut. So my question to all u wonderful homemakers is what do you do to keep yourself in check? Do you do anything just for you outside the home to make you feel more of an individual? I don't like the feeling of I'm just a wife and mother.

[Mish]

I was a 1st grade teacher for 15 years and stopped when my first son was born (1995). While I planned to return when my youngest son (1998) entered first grade, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome made that impossible and I've now been a SAHM for 16 years.

I have done several "things" to allow myself separatete identity apart from Mom/Wife 24/7- these are just suggestions that helped ME, as everyone has their own unique likes and dislikes:

* I set aside time every day that was pure "Mish time", it was my guilt-free (so to speak) time to engage in activities I enjoyed, especially as I am the only female in our house (aside from my little Yorkie, Abby ) I worked on my scrapbooking/personal Bible studies/reading/craft projects, etc.

* Each year my best friend and I take a long weekend and go the beach; we shop, eat-out, and enjoy the short break off taking care of husbands and kiddos.

* Each year I also take a week and my mother and I have our "Mom & Mish Trip". We usually stay within 8 hours drive of our home, though this past year Sept '11) my Mom took me for two weeks to Austria/Czech Republic/Hungary/Germany~ HER treat, I just took shopping money. That was a "special" trip, normally we do not invest lots of money as the "getting away" is the most fun, plus it gives all my guys a chance to realize all that mother's do, that they tend to forget!

* I partake in our church's weekly Bible studies that run a half year; I go by myself, get the chance to meet other folks in our church and have fellowship with others outside from just Mom/Wife areas.

* I get together with 2-3 of my close friends for coffee and chat once a week- it's a great mental health time!

* Every other weekend, I take a Saturday and spend it with one of my sons; we go out for lunch and I spend the day doing whatever they enjoy. It allows me to maintain a deep, personal relationship with my children as I am a BIG believer of keeping the lines of communication open, especially now that they are both teenagers. They look forward to these outings and it helps me to stay intune with their lives on a different level than typical Mom stuff of "Did-you-do-your-homework".

* I think the biggest help for me has been prayer; I keep a prayer journal as I enjoy writing and God became my best friend of all back when I started writing out my prayers, almost 20 years ago. Writing my prayers has allowed me to review them later on and see how God was always working in my (and our family) life. I guess in some way, it also created a feeling that I was His Child first, then a mother/wife/friend/Aunt, etc. That helped me view things from a better perspective, though I'm not sure if I am explaining it all that well!

I'm sure others here at RR have some great ideas to share, these are just a few things that have worked for me! Best of Luck- and I think it is truly a blessing to be able to stay home and dedicate out time to our children and spouses. Many mothers would love that chance but for economic reasons must continue to work outside their homes. When I have moments of frustration, I focus on being home as a blessing, not a chore or duty.

~Mish

[CircleSlide]

I homeschool our 3 kids so that keeps me plenty busy but on top of that I started my own small business in 2000, so with both of those I keep super busy, BUT oh I do remember the days when I thought I was going crazy.

Some ideas that I do or did to make sure I don't get the blues:

*Schedule breakfast/lunch with friends once a week.

*Volunteer (my husband and I both work with the teens at our church needless to say this has been a blast, and we have been doing it going on 16 years)

*Get involved in a weekly bible study

*get a craft/hobby/anything to keep your mind active on what you enjoy. I enjoy crocheting, and reading both are cheap. I am also an avid organizer and cleaner and turned both of those into a business, which is doing really well.

*take some kind of classes that you enjoy, many are free at the library

*Have a close friend you can connect with quickly for when you feel like pulling your hair out or just need a laugh.

*Make staying at home a career after all it is the most important job you will ever have; set schedules for your self just as if you worked, plan out each day, set appointments, make it fun, after all you are the CEO of your own house.

btw, I have been married for 25 years and a mom to dd who is 18 heading to college in the fall, a ds who is 16 and is high functioning autistic, and dd who is 13 and is into acting. My oldest just told me yesterday how blessed she was that I stayed home and took care of her.

[Stacey]

Thanks mish! Those were some great ideas. You explained it perfectly. . Finding a food church is at the top of my list when I do quit my job. My oldest misses it and I do too.
I too find it a blessing to be able to be able to stay at home. I didn't think anyone but the house itself would notice I was gone and lol I think my husband over the last several months understands a lot better on why I was so frustrated all the time.
I'm taking notes too on all these ideas. Very excited to see what the other ladies have to say as well

[Acts5:41]

I'm not a mother, unless you count the cat.

However, I have a lifetime of experience with depression.

Some tips I'd add:

1. Make a list of things you love to do: do them daily, at least a few, even if you don't "feel" like it.
2. Make a date with Jesus every day, pray (for everyone) and do some Bible study - actual Bible reading, not just books about the Bible. I love my God Time.
3. If possible, work out something with your husband, time when he can watch the kids for a little bit and you can go do something kid-free. You might even look into trading babysitting with another SAHM; so you could take an hour to hit the thrift shop, without worrying about the kids.
4. Explore hobbies. My husband LOVES my creativity. He's blind, he can't see half of what I do, but he respects "my talent" and creativity. Husbands also (from 20 years marriage) love something you made them.

[Mish]

[QUOTE=Acts5:41;2198743]I'm not a mother, unless you count the cat.

Heather, OF COURSE you can count the cat! Hey, I count my little Abby (Yorkie) as my fuzzy "daughter"; you do those things when you have all men in a home!

~Mish

[Acts5:41]

He's hogging up the entire bed right now.

I love him so much, even when he comes through the cat door with a half-dead rodent in his mouth.

Thankfully, mothers of humans don't have that problem!

[Robinbobbin]

A few things that I do:

1 - I make certain to get to church every Sunday. It fills my soul, the kids have fun in Sunday School and I have an hour and a half I'm not chasing them.

2 - CBS - Community Bible Study. It's FABULOUS! Their kids program is FABULOUS and the kids are happy, well taken care of and have a wonderful time learning about Christ while you get to do a Bible Study and have fellowship with other women, a lot of whom are also Moms.

3 - make sure to get away for at least an hour by yourself at least every weekend. Go to Starbucks or some place, sit down, have a cup of coffee or tea, read a magazine or book or whatever. Just take an hour to yourself where you don't have to be "on". It is my sanity - particularly when DH has been out of town all week.

4 - schedule time with friends at least once a month and make sure that time doesn't include ANY kids. There is plenty of time to get together for play dates or whatever, but make sure you make time for yourself with friends, too. A few of my girl friends and I meet for breakfast once per month for about 3 hrs.

5 - don't sweat the small stuff. I used to stress about the house being unkempt when people stopped by during the day. The fact is, there will be folded laundry on my couch mid day pretty much every day, there will be toys strewn all over the house when my kids (15 mo and 3 yrs) are awake and if its in the afternoon, there will probably be pots, pans and dishes in the sink. It won't always be that way, but with a young toddler and a preschooler, I rarely get to finish a project (even just laundry) before he's trying to climb into the dog bowl, gouge his eye out with the toy hammer, eat his sister's crayons, climb on the dining room chair, climb on the back of the couch, etc...

6 - meals. I feed my family well, but no one every died from the occassional batch of fish sticks, chicken nuggets or tater tots. Give yourself latitude to do what you need to do sometimes.

My biggest piece of advice - activities for the kids. Do only as much as YOU want to do, YOU can afford and YOU can stay sane with. I like the kids to have something outside the house to do every day, partly so I get out of the house and around other adults. Check out library story time, indoor play parks during the winter, Gymboree or Socccer Tots or Kindermusik. Just find some things for you guys to do together so you get to be around other adults and have fun with yoru kids. I start to get depressed when I'm sitting in the house day after day isolated. So we just make sure to get out. When its not raining we make sure to go to the park.

Sorry for the novel... LOL.

[Stacey]

I'm loving this! So many new ideas and it's actually making me excited.

My house currently is in unorganized array of chaos. Lol. So I know my first step is to work on getting organized again so I'm not so overwhelmed. At least with me waiting a month or 2 it givese time to get what I need to get that way. And it's driving me nuts. People used to say they were afraid to sit down and if the president came in and I had no dishes he could eat off my floor. Hahaha. Not anymore. That was before kid 3 came along.

I'm hoping I will be able to find a wonderful group of ladies/moms in this endeavor to become friends with. Small towns in Oklahoma are very clickish tho so it makes it hard when your not from the town let alone the state. But all will work out. I'm pretty sure that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know why I think that but I do. Almost like now that our marital status has changed its like I have Gods blessing in this and there is somethibg from this I am supposed to learn. I hope I'm making sense.
I just hope some of the things I need to bring to DH attention he will listen to and take into account.
Anyway sorry for my long novel.
I do cherish y'alls advice.

[IlovemyJesus]

I've been a stay at home mom for 22 years and still going strong. My youngest is in the 9th grade. I count it a blessing God has allowed me to be a sah mom and wife. I've gone thru my own times of depression, but wouldn't say it was because I was "just" a mom and wife.

I've volunteered, started new hobbies, made new friends, done Bible studies, etc. Yes, there are lonely times, but I've learned to dig deeper in the Word and allow God to fill me.

You are from Oklahoma...so am I. Are you close to the OKC area? If you are inbox me. I grew up in a small town outside of Tulsa, so I know what you mean about the clicks...but honestly they are everywhere. Just got to find yours!

Enjoy this time God is giving you to be a sah mom and wife, it is truly a blessing!

[Jan51]

There are some great ideas here. Let me add a few more thoughts.

You are not "just" a wife and mother. That's a lie of Satan. Don't fall for it. God has given you the most important, responsible job in the world. Satan would like to destroy our families. He wants us to wallow in self-pity and self-absorption. Remember you are shaping lives; keep the big picture and don't let yourself focus on the "daily drudgery". I used to ponder how life must have been for lonely pioneer women without neighbors, phones, cars, electricity, hot water, washers and dryers, heaters and ACs, etc. It reminded me to be thankful--get an attitude of gratitude. God will mold you through your job as wife and mother--He has so many lessons there for you.

[Walker]

He's hogging up the entire bed right now.

I love him so much, even when he comes through the cat door with a half-dead rodent in his mouth.

Thankfully, mothers of humans don't have that problem!

Don't be so sure of that. The dog found a dead frog the other day and my son grabbed it out of her mouth and brought it to me.

[Stacey]

I was finally forced to quit due to some serious extended family malfunctions. I've been home with my husband and babies for a month now. And tho I am still playing catch up on the house thinga are much less chaotic and I feel very blessed. I haven't been away from my kids for longer then 3 hours at a time. And hubby and I were talking and decided that even after the baby starts school I will continue to be home. Our house runs much smoother that way and we don't fight. We have enjoyed so much family time together its amazing. And I even started going for evening walks to have some exercise bit most importantly down time for me without feeling guilty.