spiritual advice

[charlene]

I need advice. my daughter has a son who is not married but engaged to a really nice girl.. They would come to home for the weekend,and ahe told them they couln't sleep together. That was ok for awhile, but then she thought as long as they were sleeping together anyway,that she should let them when they came to her house for a weekend, which they do. I don't agree. I think that she should stand for what she believes and that would be a better witness. My daughter is a christian, her son has turned his back on christianity. He was raised in a christian home, but college robbed him of that belief. We can not talk ato him about christianity. His ears are closed. I know it is not directly my business. I feel that she made a mistake in allowing them to sleep together at her house.. Tell me, what do you think?

[Praying]

I need advice. my daughter has a son who is not married but engaged to a really nice girl.. They would come to home for the weekend,and ahe told them they couln't sleep together. That was ok for awhile, but then she thought as long as they were sleeping together anyway,that she should let them when they came to her house for a weekend, which they do. I don't agree. I think that she should stand for what she believes and that would be a better witness. My daughter is a christian, her son has turned his back on christianity. He was raised in a christian home, but college robbed him of that belief. We can not talk ato him about christianity. His ears are closed. I know it is not directly my business. I feel that she made a mistake in allowing them to sleep together at her house.. Tell me, what do you think?

Hi Charlene,
I would not allow it in my home unless they were married, but at the same time, since it is your daughter's home, she makes the rules. Sometimes all we can do is pray for our loved ones, lovingly guide them in biblical truth, and then let it alone. I've learned the hard way.....the more you push against something.....the more they will push back, and sometimes even do the opposite of what you feel they should do, especially when it comes to our adult children who are on their own.

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

[NarrowRoad]

I think that she should stand for what she believes and that would be a better witness.

I agree. It would be a good witness and most importantly, honor God.

NR

[Poppycat]

I agree. It would be a good witness and most importantly, honor God.

NR

It would be at least a 'conscience' check had your daughter stuck to her guns and not allow them to cohabit in her home. After all the foundation is there for your grandson, having been raised in a Christian home for some input on what is right and wrong before God. All you can do is pray for an opportunity to express what is in your heart again with your daughter and encourage her to re-institute her original rule in such a way that God can use it for His purposes for the couple.

[charlene]

Thank you for your responses.. I need to add that my daughter thinks that relationships are more important with her children. That by doing what she did with her son, in allowing his girlfriend and him to sleep together,they would maintain the relationship. It would have been another big confrontation,which they have had in the past. Matbe i'm wrong,but I think our relatonship with the Lord and honoring him is most important. I think she gave in to keep contact with him. He has gone thru a major personality change since college. He told her he wanted noyhing to do with christianity. I think he let the door crack for satan to barge in the way he did. your thoughts are appreciated.

[NarrowRoad]

Oh my. Charlene, I'm so sorry y'all are in the situation. Family "stuff" is always so hard.
I asked my mother about posting the following to serve as a "cautionary tale" as to what happens when you take a detour off the narrow road... we're both praying for you all.

My father was a precious Godly man, but like any other of us, he was not perfect. He continually allowed my sister to come into our home with her "fiance". They were allowed to sleep in the same room. We were not raised that way. My parents always sought to instill in us respect. Respect for God's law and my parents. Allowing her and her fiance to break those established rules was just the beginning. She then had absolutely no respect for her parents, her family, or their God. And, my father then lacked any standing because he allowed it. My dad was following the old "peace at any price". Big Mistake. Our family was racked by nearly 2 decades of her turmoil. Multiple divorces, 4 children by multiple fathers, adultery, alcohol abuse, theft, forgery, fraud, and oh my...the lies. She brought all of it at one time or another under my parents roof. They were always there to pick up the pieces financially and raise her children. Both my parents put off retirement to put her children through private Christian school.
My parents were so grieved over my sister, it had affected their health and marriage. They were exhausted all the time. We were all praying the Lord would fix what we had all broken. We had all broken it by not speaking up for Godly principles. By valuing our family unit over Him. We sought forgiveness. We so wanted restoration on His terms. No more allowing our desires to overtake His will. His will be done.
My dad had a heart attack. He never made it out of surgery. My sister's havoc culminated with her robbing my mother's home just after my dad's funeral. That was it. We knew we had to stand up and say, "No more!". She was free to sin all she wanted but we would no longer give our tacit approval by keeping our mouths shut. We chose God's side and have not wavered since.

In the years since, God has blessed us so greatly. He is so good and faithful. Our relationship with my sister has not been restored. She is still unrepentant, but we pray for her. She knows she is welcome into our lives at any point, but on God's terms...not her's...not ours'.

It took all that to teach this bunch of knuckleheads

Matthew 10:34-39 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
And a man's foes [shall be] they of his own household.
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

Charlene, we're praying for you all.


NR
(Deborah)

[charlene]

Thanks for the replys. I know mistakes have been made with my grandson. But God is still in charge. And, we pray for him daily. I don't know what he will have to go thru for God to bring him back. God lovess him more than we do. God can do the impossible, so we're leaving it in his hands. Thank you for the prayers

[M4EVERHIS]

it isn't fornication as long as you are going to get married. Nor that it is okay to allow it if it is your child.

The marriage bed is undefiled. That's it. Sex outside marriage is sin- regardless if the person is a Christian or no, whether marriage is in the future.

Sometimes we have to do things that we find difficult. I think the son's soul is more important than the relationship and she should have honored God.

[Acts5:41]

Exactly. I lived with my "fiancé" for 11 years before he finally decided to marry me.

Having premarital sex cheapens you, and the act, tremendously.

[HugsFromJesus]

CHARLENE, I agree, I would not allow it at all if it was my home and not only my for my children but anybody! If there was no marriage, separate rooms it would be. I know it is your sister's house but I would keep reminding her how important it is to honor God before anything else. I am praying.

NR,what a testimony! Thanks for sharing your story, I am praying for your sister, you and your family. I am so sorry about the loss of your father. What wonderful parents you have been blessed with. I pray your sister soon finds her need for Jesus and your family can truly start healing. I know you have accepted the circumstances but there is still a piece missing. How exciting it would be if your father could welcome your sister into Heaven.

[NarrowRoad]

NR,what a testimony! Thanks for sharing your story, I am praying for your sister, you and your family. I am so sorry about the loss of your father. What wonderful parents you have been blessed with. I pray your sister soon finds her need for Jesus and your family can truly start healing. I know you have accepted the circumstances but there is still a piece missing. How exciting it would be if your father could welcome your sister into Heaven.

Thank you, sweet Hugs

NR

[Cindy S.]

Narrowroad, what a testimony! My own giving in to my daughter almost cost me my marriage, too.

Thankfully the Lord allowed it to get so bad with her drug use and possession charges that I couldn't
bail her out anymore and she had to spend 7 months in jail. So very freeing to come to the end of
myself.

My daughter used to ask me the very same thing, I would say "are you married yet?"

It's not the end of the world to have to sleep in a motel and if a couple is so in love they
can't spend a night apart, they need to make it legal and quit playing games.