Making myself sick

[1humblesheep]

It is not fair for me to say about myself that I'm a failure, because I know Jesus didn't die for me to leave me in the dust. I know it is Satan whispering his spite speech in my ear, telling me I'm no good.

I've been born-again for nearly five years, but as far as I can see, I haven't let anybody to a saving knowledge of Christ. My heart yearns to share the gospel, but when my flesh wars with my spirit, I fail time and time again; the moment presents itself, and...I back down. I know what 1 John 4:4 says, that "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." I don't understand why I allow myself to be defeated time and time again.

I offer myself unto the Lord for His service but am I holding on to prevent the sure consequences of discipleship? I fully understand that persecution comes hand-in-hand with following the Lord but what is holding me back? The constant warring when I am walking in fellowship with Him, concerning the sharing of the gospel, is honestly making me sick (not to the point of actually being sick).

The urge to proclaim the Word has been laying on my heart more and more. In my quiet time, I have been led to verses like Isaiah 28:23-26, 29 and Isaiah 29:24. Unless I am reading these out of context, they seem pretty straight forward to me. The one speaks of not only hearing the Word but also spreading the Word. And the other describes my waywardness and longing for understanding.

Now, aside from one on one evangelism, I thought about creating Youtube videos that could essentially reach millions, if not more. There's just something about speaking to a camera-albeit to a much larger audience-that doesn't cripple me like a face to face encounter does. I want to share the glorious news of salvation with the lost, and it's much more then that: I have to share the true gospel message, and I don't know if I can have peace unless I do. It's feels like a pressure cooker inside my body. I just want people to be saved. I for them so.

Thank you all for the time.

[hurryupJesus]

Start small, hand out some tracts. It is scary to share the gospel. I start with my unsaved friends, all you can do is share it, it's not your responsiblity to actually save the person, that is up to God.

[Kliska]

Don't fret; God will guide you into when and where you are to share the gospel. Don't forget, you are sharing it here on RR everyday that you post, and believe me, others out there that never post, many who are not Christian can and do read what goes on here.

[Mommytoa3rdgradeboy]

I thought of this verse....

Isaiah 55:11 King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

[Tall Timbers]

1humblesheep, I'm one of those believers who is always working somewhere in the background, unseen, unheard. I've been a believer for several decades, and while I'm no preacher, I've preached and/or taught the Word to individuals, groups and congregations... not very often mind you, but I have when the Lord has used me in such a way. We are all part of one body. We don't all have the same gifts, the same functions. Recognize your spiritual gifts, you surely have some, and thank God for them as you freely give of them.

[1humblesheep]

Thank you all for the support. I'm not trying to sit here and portray a pity party. But like true B/SIC, you have stuck together with a struggling saint (that sounds weird).

Isaiah 55:11 King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

I actually came across this verse in my quiet time 15 minutes or so before I posted the OP.

We are all part of one body. We don't all have the same gifts, the same functions.

This couldn't be more true-1 Cor. 12:26

[CatChick]

Face to face encounters are not hard for me... what's difficult for me is remembering a Bible verse. Any bible verse. I know the words but when it comes to quoting verbatim, naming the book, chapter and verse, I draw a complete blank.

It seems to me you are under conviction. God has a mission for you and it also seems He is telling you what your medium is to be. There are a lot of people that proselytize on YouTube, but I'm sure that by far they are in the minority of posters. And you must be prepared for some truly wicked backlash in the comments. That will be the most painful. You'll probably also receive response videos. There is one atheist on YouTube that delights in tearing apart Christian videos. And unfortunately he has such a following that he's gaining ground outside of YouTube.

Do not hesitate to act on your convictions. If you wait too long the Holy Spirit will move on. God is speaking to you. Harken unto His words. Your videos needn't be anything fancy or contrived. Turn on your camera and let God speak through you.

And please post your videos here. I love to follow Christians on YouTube. So you already have a fan waiting in the wings.

Praying for you.

[Any Minute]

1humblesheep, please don't get discouraged. Other than one of my children, I don't know that I've ever led anyone to Christ. We can't know for sure if someone is saved or not, we don't save anyone. We just point the way to the One who does.

I believe that God will orchestrate encounters where we have the opportunity to witness the Gospel. Just keep studying His word, pray, and be ready to give an account of that hope that is within you.

Sometimes just walking out our faith is what we need to do, God will bless that and use it for His Glory. Being a Godly spouse or parent, friend or co-worker will cause those seeking Him to take notice and it may be what God wants to use, so be ready to share the Gospel when the opportunity arises. We aren't called as individuals to witness to the whole world alone but rather as a part of a body, joined a fitted together, with Christ as the head. We're all in this together and every one of us has a role to play. Like Kliska said above, you may have already helped point the way to Jesus with your posts to someone reading.

I do understand how you feel and how you worry about reaching the unsaved. God is very much in control and as you continue to seek and make yourself available to Him, He will use you at the perfect place and in His perfect timing to share the Good News.

edit: If I could type faster I wouldn't always be repeating the good advise others have given, lol.

[Cindy S.]

I am shy about witnessing, too.
I have a "bathroom ministry" with Chick Tracts.
I have never in my 53 years EVER seen a Chick tract, let alone one in a bathroom
until I ordered my own and started leaving them in restrooms.
That tells me there is a need because I've never seen one.
You don't have to get on a pulpit to witness.
And then there is prayer........

[Acts5:41]

I started by praying for the unreached, a couple months before I did my first "real" Bible Handout.

Also, weed out sin in your life, flee temptation.

You don't have to tell people they are sinners and lead them to repentance, you can start by sharing what God has done for YOU. I have never met someone who didn't want to hear my testimony.

[God'sGraceInMe]

It is not fair for me to say about myself that I'm a failure, because I know Jesus didn't die for me to leave me in the dust. I know it is Satan whispering his spite speech in my ear, telling me I'm no good.

I've been born-again for nearly five years, but as far as I can see, I haven't let anybody to a saving knowledge of Christ. My heart yearns to share the gospel, but when my flesh wars with my spirit, I fail time and time again; the moment presents itself, and...I back down. I know what 1 John 4:4 says, that "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." I don't understand why I allow myself to be defeated time and time again.

I offer myself unto the Lord for His service but am I holding on to prevent the sure consequences of discipleship? I fully understand that persecution comes hand-in-hand with following the Lord but what is holding me back? The constant warring when I am walking in fellowship with Him, concerning the sharing of the gospel, is honestly making me sick (not to the point of actually being sick).

The urge to proclaim the Word has been laying on my heart more and more. In my quiet time, I have been led to verses like Isaiah 28:23-26, 29 and Isaiah 29:24. Unless I am reading these out of context, they seem pretty straight forward to me. The one speaks of not only hearing the Word but also spreading the Word. And the other describes my waywardness and longing for understanding.

Now, aside from one on one evangelism, I thought about creating Youtube videos that could essentially reach millions, if not more. There's just something about speaking to a camera-albeit to a much larger audience-that doesn't cripple me like a face to face encounter does. I want to share the glorious news of salvation with the lost, and it's much more then that: I have to share the true gospel message, and I don't know if I can have peace unless I do. It's feels like a pressure cooker inside my body. I just want people to be saved. I for them so.

Thank you all for the time.

Wow, 1HumbleSheep... I feel like I could have written this post. I feel the same way you do. I just want to tell everyone about Jesus Christ and it has been a struggle for me to take what I feel inside and share it with the world. It doesn't help that I have really been under spiritual attacks lately. The closer I grow to Jesus in my walk with Him, the more I feel everything around me try to pull me away. I think we are just going to have to pray for courage and for the Holy Spirit to give us the words when we need them. Jesus said that we would be able to accomplish great things because we have the Holy Spirit in us (as well as Him and His Father). When I look at it that way, I feel more bold. I don't believe God would give us a passion without a purpose. Whether you reach one soul or one million, you are bringing more people into the Kingdom.

[Wally]

Start with;

All For Your Glory Lord Jesus.

Focus on His Glory.
Do not count heads, David did and the Lord punished him.

Start with tracts, be kind, buy someone lunch.

Every kind act -IN CHRIST - is a seed.

AND it is only the Holy Spirit who makes it grow.

Don't fret over trying to do His work.

And sometimes all He wants you to do is pray.

[1humblesheep]

Start with;

All For Your Glory Lord Jesus.

Focus on His Glory.
Do not count heads, David did and the Lord punished him.

Start with tracts, be kind, buy someone lunch.

Every kind act -IN CHRIST - is a seed.

AND it is only the Holy Spirit who makes it grow.

Don't fret over trying to do His work.

And sometimes all He wants you to do is pray.

Humbly agreeing

[HugsFromJesus]

I have an unsaved family except for my 87 year old mother. This includes my grown children and my dil, sisters, bil's, nephews etc. I use to drive my family crazy trying to save them on the spot. If I were them I would have been scared of me! My mother use to get mad at me telling me to let up. Then I would get mad at my mom, afterall she should be on my side! It created the biggest turmoil in me. I couldn't sleep at night. I was a mess.

Then as time went on I realized I couldn't save anyone. I had already said what I was going to say and now all I could do was pray and give it to God. What a relief to know that I wasn't responsible for where my family spent eternity.

I don't see my family much as I am ill and mostly deaf but there isn't a time that I don't sneak Jesus into a sentence during a card, email or conversation. But, I always make it about my relationship with Jesus and not yammering at them that they are going to Hell in a handbasket.

My mom and I can now talk about Jesus in a comforting way when we are alone. She said she just couldn't be a part of what I was a couple years ago. I understand that now.

I am telling you, to have the pressure taken off oneself to save the world is so liberating. They know where I stand. Now my family will make a comment about something but it makes me smile as it was something that I know I told them but they still don't believe me. But, I know now that something did get through to them.

I no longer have this urge to put this burden on myself. I am not well and I have given it to the Lord and kept it there with the promise that if He wants me for anything He is going to have to hit me with a mack truck to get my attention, but that I will be ready. I have ongoing prayers going here at RR about my hearing being restored and I promised the Lord that if that were to happen I would use it for His glory. That would be my "mack truck" and I would know He had work for me to do.

God bless you in anyway that God decides to use you, but let it be up to Him. You will know! If you are getting sick, that is not what God wants. I had to find that out, because I was getting sick too. It is too much of a burden if we put that on ourselves. When God wants us to help Him, he will supply everything we need and we won't need the pepto bismal.

[1humblesheep]

HugsfromJesus:

Since feeling this urge to share Jesus with people, I realize (the hard way) it's not a bang-bang decision. I have been praying for His will in my life to be revealed. I have repented and come clean with the Lord and since have given over my burden unto Him. It is like a huge weight lifted and I know what it's like to rejoice. AMEN! But when I get those face to face encounters it's like two rams butting heads. However, i do feel I am being strengthened through Him, just as Jesus spoke in John 15:5. But that night of my OP, I had a chance to speak to my younger brother Jeremy. I said my peace. He calmly came back with "I've heard all this. I went to church. " I left his room, went upstairs, prayed, and left it alone. The seed was planted. I can't wait to see what happens. No more burden. Needless to say, I felt good that going in to work.