Retirement Prison

[AliveInHim]

Okay, that title sounds a bit snarky, sorry,
I retired (i.e., quit work) in '96, my husband officially retired 2 yr ago. Somedays, I feel like his retirement amounts to house-arrest for me. When it was just me, i could spontaneously go out whenever I wanted. He, on the other hand, wants nothing more than to be home 24/7. And not do much but sit on the sofa watching bad t.v. re-runs. We don't have travel-the-country money, but we're ok. Whenever I suggest we try to find some kind of hobby, anything to DO besides house-potatoes, he complains that anything costs too much. He used to say he'd spend time learning to play his keyboard, and he hasn't touched it. He thought I could teach him N.T. greek, and he doesn't want to do that. I am going stark raving mad. Is this considered normal for retirement? Help, any suggestions of what to do besides eat?

[Acts5:41]

How many vehicles do you have?

I'd suggest starting with volunteering. My elderly family members who fared well, all did a lot of volunteering. My MIL just sat in front of the TV and literally rotted her brain. My FIL worked at the food bank, and did very well.

Volunteering is free.

Talk to DH, tell him you and he are two different personalities. You still love him, but you want to go out and do a little more, to stay sharp. You still love him, you just want to get out and help people.

I doubt he'll object to that.

I work with my husband, and essentially "serve" him from waking up to bedtime. One day a week, I take off for me, I go do what I want to do and have fun. He always wishes me well. He loves it, he can burn his popcorn (he likes to eat it burnt), turn up his music and sit in "my" chair while watching TV. We both do a lot better as a result.

My last Day Out, I went to the dollar store.

[Sandee]

My father-in-law retired fully at 62, after a relatively mild heart attack. My mother-in-law complained that he was a pain in her tush after he retired. It took them some time to adjust to each other. They went swimming every day and walking in the evening every day. Pop painted (which he was very good at). Mom did her thing. They both were happy. Mom died after 49 years of marriage, and Pop died about 5 years later.

My natural parents have a similar story. Mom was not able to walk much due to copd, but she did have fun with her grandsons very often. They did what they could, including dinner out as often as Mom could get Dad out the door. Mom died after 47 years of marriage, and Dad out lived her by 15 years and died at 90. He spent his time without her to write the story of his life for posterity. His grandsons have been facinated with that book and Dad kept his mind stimulated until one day he sat down in his favorite chair for a quick nap before lunch and slipped into eternity.

The key to both stories was they did things together, as well as separately; they enjoyed each other, and did not spend a lot of money to do it. Walks in the evening, Swimming each day, hobbies for one or both parties ect. They did not both do hobbies together, they each had their own. Why don't you pick up something you enjoy and feel happy you are both alive and well.
Adjusting to both being home is a big adjustment and can take some time.

[Northland]

I would suspect your hubby is bored but doesn't know what to do because he's always worked.

My mom worked partime until she got sick this fall and eventually passed away. My dad is 79 and still works the lunch crew at a local school. It gives him something to do for a few hours a day.

Why not work part time. It will give him a little spending money and an outlet. Or find a nice hobby, or like another poster. Go for walks or picnics or fishing, etc. Many things are free and enjoyable. Plus many senior centers have free activities.

Or host a pot luck luncheon for retired friends and break out the games.

Garden, weed, etc. I don't think you should have discontinued your adventures but sometimes include him on your outings.

There's so many things i'd like to do instead of work....

[JoyJoyJoy]

If you enjoy going out, why not continue?? Let him stay home and watch the tube. I would encourage him to take lessons for his keyboard. I started piano lessons in January and it is so much fun.
I know folks like him who watch TV all day. That would be very hard for me to do. Honey, get out your prison and go shopping!!

[futurehope]

I'm having trouble understanding your feeling of being in prison. Is your husband's constant presence bothering you, since you said you used to be alone more?

I can relate to that. I enjoy my alone time. If I were you, I would do what I want without your husband, if he is not interested.

For one thing, if you are able, you could do something for your health, like exercise. Take a walk. Monitor your improvement. That's a real motivator. Watch the pounds melt away.

But do get out by yourself once in a while. Two people cannot stay holed up together all day every day, even if they love each other.

[Robinbobbin]

When my FIL retired he expected MIL (who retired about 6 years before him) to give up a lot of her hobbies and be with him all the time. It took a few years (and us buying him a set of golf clubs and golf lessons) for him to begin establishing his own life. I think he was depressed... and when he gets depressed he gets controlling.

[Reason&Hope]

I just want to mention something about the brain-rotting tv. It's very important for older people to do things with their minds for good mental and emotional health, and to ward off memory loss. Crossword puzzles, math puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, putting together models, playing Scrabble . . . .

[CircleSlide]

Why can't you go out and do your own thing, he doesn't have to do it with you? Or are you wanting him to get a hobby? I would say, 'hon, I am doing this. I will be back at 5pm love you, big hug'. Then I would do my own thing. But is he wanting you to be with him all day or are you wanting to do something with him?

But as other's said watching TV makes one a vegetable. Are there projects at church he could get involved with, I know our little church can always use a hand, doing something. Doing nothing all day can make one very depressed and feel worthless so I would definitely get him to stop sitting around and get involved with helping others! If he won't, then you just go out and do your thing, eventually he will see how much fun you are having and he might want to join in. Being busy is a good thing as long as you are doing what you love.

[HeatW]

The best thing for ALL of us is Exercise... take a nice long walk (or mall-walk), ride a bike, hit the YWCA (if there's one close by). Just one hour a day, for 5 days will do miracles! I pray when I do my long walks!

[HeatW]

I just want to mention something about the brain-rotting tv. It's very important for older people to do things with their minds for good mental and emotional health, and to ward off memory loss. Crossword puzzles, math puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, putting together models, playing Scrabble . . . .

Totally Agree! I love Saduko

[raml]

My dad retired at 60 and when he did he said mom did to so he insisted they eat lunch and dinner out at least 90% of the time and if they decided to stay home to eat they shared the cooking he also helped with all chores around the house. They did travel a lot and dad did a bit of consulting for the first 10 yrs of their retirement. They also both loved to read put puzzles together and do crossword puzzles. They bowled in a league that went to Vegas at the end of the league year and had many friends they enjoyed together. Dad also had loved to golf and was in a league with that and mom had her card club so they also did things alone. They always seemed so very happy and dad said that it was pretty easy to be happy as a couple once the kids were raised and gone. They lived to be 94 mom died first she was 2 yrs older than dad and dad then died two yrs later at the same age. When she died dad said he intended to live at least as long as mom did they were married 70yrs. Dad also went around the country when first retired after he found distant relatives when he was checking out their genealogy they met cousins they had never seen before it was pretty interesting. They watched TV only for the news and mom loved jeopardy and a few other game shows. You need to try and make your life interesting their are many quiet and not so quiet things to do when you have the time that doesn't include a lot of money. What you could do is sit down and make a list of things you would like to do and can afford to do and then make your plans then maybe he will be interested in joining you if not do them yourself you do not have to be glued at the hip. He may just come around when you start to enjoy your outings and talk about them. My parents even loved taking walks together in early morning that would end up at their favorite place to eat breakfast.

[Poppycat]

I have been quietly dreading the R word and with about 2 years to go I have been 'plotting'. I'm a reader and DH is a doer so I am going to have to come up with a plan to seize chunks of time for myself. Holidays have taught me this. My initial thinking is it will be a case of give and take just like in our day to day life now, making room for one another's interests. My pet peeve will be having to answer to someone else when I just want to down tools and take off and having to say how long I think I will be As I said, give and take ... I'll work on it.

[Acts5:41]

Edited out the pity party I was having over my finances.



Carry on.