[i dont know where to put this, so feel free to move it..]
I honestly feel so lost in respect to the nature of salvation.
I honestly dont know what it means anymore.
After my on going reading of my bible I truly get confused on the nature of salvation and so i've been trying to research further reading through books of ministers and preachers whom i respect and am convinced have a solid biblical background, as well as coming here to read over the theology here..
But it is utterly confusing for me due to the contradictions on the nature of salvation.
Such as the teaching of salvation is a walk and not a moment of justification [Derek Prince, Joseph Chambers], you can lose it if you are moved from the foundation of your faith... through to Chuck Missler, Jack Kelly and other, OSAS. All of whom i respect and both whom seem to truly stand solidly on the word.
BUT it is utterly confusing for me due to the contradictions on the nature of salvation. What on earth did Jesus purchase for us at the cross....????? Truth is exclusive so these cant be both right in the same way at the same time. One is Godly the other satanic.
With my mind i adhere to the teaching of Eternal Salvation, moment of justification and then you are sealed..
But with my heart i adhere to the teaching of a walk salvation, a salvation that is eternally kept so long as you keep living a life of repentance in faith, continually lead by the spirit, or risk falling away, and then sealed in apostasy. (which if true, i got no hope what so ever, even though i remain alive, i'm lost, kind of like how the promise was eternally lost to esau even though he sought it with tears but couldn't find any place for repentance? which is interesting because i feel like this in my spirit)
This is honestly so bad i'm at the point of dropping out of my youth group, as i'm one of the leaders and helpers there, and if i'm wavery like this then i shouldnt be in this position. I dont even want to be at church anymore. Ive been praying over this for along time and i just have no peace where ever i turn, the bible, prayer or pastors.