Bye, Fib. Love you as my BIC, and thanks for your service. You are always being watched over by God. I know things can be very dark sometimes and the enemy can mess with our heads and throw us into a deep pit of depression, but never ever ever EVER forget that you are safe in God's hands, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Never ever ever EVER give up. It may be that God has a reason for you going into the military at this time, a reason that you don't even know about right now. He knows your situation and He is still in control. I know you say that right now you're doing it for a paycheck, and I completely understand that. However, God is still working in your situation in ways you can't see right now.
Please read the Psalms. David, as great a king and a soldier as he was, sometimes fell so deep into the depths of depression that he records in some of the Psalms that he couldn't sleep or eat at times. You should be able to find one or more of the Psalms that reflect how you are feeling right now and you can read it out loud as you pray. God will hear you just as He heard David.
You are greatly loved!
"Oir is leatsa an rioghachd, agus an cumhachd, agus a gloir, gu siorraidh, Amen." ("For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever, Amen" -- Scots Gaelic)