It has been 16 years since I was stricken with a very severe case of Guillain-Barre Syndrome, February 14-1996. Within 1 week, I was paralysed from my toes to my neck, and put on life support. I spent 6 weeks in the I.C.U, and was not expected to live. I never knew that a person could be in so much pain, and still be alive. My oldest girl, 19, was in College in another city, and my other 2 girls were age 11 and 13. We lived out of town, on an acerage, and my husband's work place was in another little town, about 30 minutes from our house. I fought very hard, did not want to leave my daughters without a mother. The Hospital I was in, was about 2 1/2 hours from our house, my husband did not spend much time with me while I was so sick. He is not a very caring kind of husband. He would rather not come to see me, and instead, stay home to watch movies. Any trashy movies. There were 3 seperate times, when I nearly died. Yes, it is true what they say-I was floating up above my body, watching them working on me, while I felt nothing but peace and happiness, and no pain. But then I would get sucked back down, back into my body, and the pain would be back. While in the I.C.U, I was slapped/hit twice, by 2 different nurses. Abuse really does happen in hospitals, and not only to older patients. They were pretty safe, as I could not speak, could not move anything but my eyes. It was an awful journey I went through, but after 15 weeks in 2 seperate hospitals, lots of healing took place, and I ended up checking myself out of the Hospital, and went back home. The Doctor who released me, said that if anyone could get better at home, it was stubborn old me. I went home in a wheelchair, still paralysed from my waist,down, unable to even dress myself. But after much work, about 6 months later, I was even able to go back to driving to town. I will always suffer pain from extreme nerve damage, but at least I survived and thrived.
It was Exactly 5 Years To The Day, February 14, 2001, that my middle daughter-Amy-was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. Nothing to do with my G.B.S. It was so shocking to me. She was a wonderful young woman, with so much to offer the world. She wanted to make great quaility films, about people who did mission work for the Lord. She thought they needed someone who could make them look better. She wanted to be that person. Amy fought a good fight, but lost the battle 19 months later. She died on September 11, 2002, 4 months after her 20th birthday. She died, but I lived. She was a much better person than I ever could be. She had a bright future. It should have been me, not my child. To say that it is hard to live with is a big understatement. I know that God has kept me here for a reason, but I just don't know what that reason is. But why couldn't He have kept Amy here? I miss her everyday. So many things remind me of her. I sure do have lots of questions for God someday, and I really do hope we will be able to talk to Him. Anyone else survive a terrible illness, while losing a child so soon after? Thanks for letting me talk about this, I am kind of shy.