Does God always give confirmation about marriage?

[Genesis22]

So, I said I wasn't going to post details about my situation on here because it doesn't need to be online for the whole world to see...but I really need some bible based advice. I have Christian friends who I talk to in person about this, but I've already talked to them and am still confused about what God wants. I know He will give me wisdom, but I thought maybe some of you know some verses that will help with that. For anyone who replies, please post scripture to back up your replies if possible.

So, about 6 months ago, I started dating my best friend. We have been great friends ever since I got saved while visiting his church 2 years ago. We had considered dating pretty much ever since we met, but never felt like we had that confirmation from God telling us to do so. Finally about 6 months ago, we decided that dating is the time to seek confirmation from God TOGETHER about if you should get married, and so we didn't need confirmation before dating- only before marriage. I don't know how right that was, but that was our conclusion at the time. Well, I think we quickly lost sight of why we were dating and ended up assuming that we were meant to be and were going to get married after college. We started acting like a couple and holding hands, kissing, etc...which I originally vowed not to do until marriage, because I feel that it takes away from the purpose of dating- which is seeking confirmation from God when you aren't sure if the person is for you. It wasn't at all my boyfriend's fault that I didn't stick to that, because I didn't tell him that I wanted that until afterwards. If I had told him, he would have respected my wishes and not tried to do those things. I was scared and didn't tell him. It was my fault. Looking back, we never did get confirmation from God that we should be together and never even prayed together about it (FYI, we both have very strong personal relationships with God and talk to Him about it separately, talk about God together all the time, help each other through trials, and go to church together all the time...we just never prayed together just the two of us about our situation).

He broke up with me this past week because he didn't think it was God's timing and thinks we rushed into a relationship without God's approval. We don't know if the break up is permanent or not, but he wants confirmation from God before dating me again. He also thinks that God needs to work on us separately right now before we are ready to be involved with anyone else. Even though it hurt me more than anything I've ever gone through, I completely understood and agreed that we took things farther than we should have without God's leading. However, I think the whole situation could have been resolved simply by having a courtship instead of dating relationship (courtship meaning basically a friendship but where you go on dates and pray together and consider marriage...which is what I originally wanted and then lost sight of). I don't think I want the romance part again until I'm married (well, my flesh does, but my soul doesn't) because it hurts too much if it doesn't work out and you've already gone through all that with the person. Not only that, but takes away from the purpose of dating because you're acting like you already own eachother before God has given you permission to. I wish we would have just switched to a courtship instead of completely breaking up, but he feels like he's not ready and I need to respect that. We still have a friendship, so that can still come later if it's meant to. We are on good terms with eachother and everything. But then my question becomes: do we need confirmation before starting a courtship in the future? Or isn't the whole point of a courtship because we don't know? But then I don't want to start this whole cycle again where we start things without God's permission. lol Where do I draw the line?!? What is the biblical thing to do here? Seek God obviously, which I am...but does the bible give any specific direction about this? Is courtship biblical? I know the bible had mostly arranged marriages, but my parents aren't saved so that isn't an option for me.

Here's what really confuses me: Today, I heard a pastor (not my pastor) basically say that God doesn't give confirmation about marriage and lets us pick the husband that we want- as long as they are Christians. I don't think I agree, because I was quickly reminded of Isaac and Rebekah, Jeremiah 29:11, 1 Corinthians 7:7...all those things which seem to indicate that God has an exact plan for us and tells us if/when to get married and to who. At the same time though, 1 Corinthians 7 does say that whether you marry or don't marry, you have not sinned...basically saying that either way is okay. How could either way be okay if God has a specific plan for you to only do it one way? Or is it that either way is okay in general, but for each individual person only one way is okay? I'm probably confusing you all so badly right now, but that's because I'm confused.

I know that the whole situation is in God's hands and that He can fix it. I know that it isn't too late for the relationship to be fixed (Matthew 9:28, He is able!). I know that God will give me wisdom (James 1:5 and Psalm 25:12) and give me the answer...but I can always use some Godly input.

[momoffaith]

Yes God WILL give you wisdom. Remember The first chapter of James. But you must ask, believe and not doubt to receive His wisdom scripture says.

I think God will speak to both you and your friend's heart. I don't think it's something you have to come to a conclusion on your own.
If he is stand offish right now probably the best thing you can do is to give things space and time. It will allow both of you time to hear from God and to get closer to Him w/out the distraction of a relationship w each other. I know that is easy to say and hard to do but trust me sweet one this is something you want God's leading on.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I really am. I know that is painful

[Acts5:41]

A little background: I met my husband when I was 17. He was 37. We moved in together the day after I turned 18 and eventually married. Long story, that. Anyway, we count the whole time together as married and even my parents agree with our timeline.

In my case, I had committed to waiting on God's man for me. I figured it would be another 10 years or so. Amusingly enough, I met Ron in a few months.

I absolutely believe he is the one God wants for me. We compliment each other's strengths and weaknesses. Where I'm strong, he isn't, etc.

WE completely jumped the gun and did our will instead of God's. I often wonder how God would have gotten us together if we had waited on His timeline. I had a difficult and abusive family situation and I didn't want to stay there a day longer than necessary.

I had asked God to make it clear if Ron was the one, and He did. I think that is completely Biblical.

Just make sure you DO NOT repeat MY mistake and rush ahead on your own. You have plenty of time to grow together; but certain things, once done, cannot be undone and you would both hate yourselves.

I will make a general suggestion: be careful about being alone in private. Things can progress very quickly like that.

Continue to pray together, study the Bible. Respect his wishes. If you are meant to be his wife one day, he'll know that and come back.

[antitox]

God lets us make our own choices. I'm not saying that there aren't people who have heard from God in their situation. But the Lord wants us to be wise and make good decisions. He wants us to reflect that maturity and He is then proud of us.

What I submit here is that when finding someone we must do take the right steps in that process:

1. Don't be in a rush. Take your sweet time.

2. Do not feel that you HAVE to find someone. Patience and attentiveness to the details is the priority. You have all the time in your life you need, so be prepared for things not working out or giving you the results you want if you have to go back to the drawing board after a failed courtship.

3. ALWAYS look at the character of the person and their values. What kind of choices they make and what that person's life focus is. Knowing what kind of person they really are is how you avoid making a mistake.

I believe that things will be clear and work out without either party being unsure or questioning the whole thing if it really is workable.

May the Lord grant you wisdom and understanding in it all.

[carol1948]

I definitely think God will give you confirmation about marriage. If you have asked and not received confirmation (which for me is an inner peace that fills me when I stop clamoring for what I want) then understand that God is not confirming your choice. Sometimes we want what we want and think that if we keep asking God will relent. (At times I have even convinced myself that because I didn't get a 'no', that meant the answer was 'yes'. Not so.) He won't, but we can convince ourselves that He will and get ourselves in situations that are harmful. Don't go that route. Give up the boyfriend for now. If/when God wants him to be in your life He will bring him back in.

Pr ?. I'm sorry I can't remember the scripture reference at the moment, but the verse is a familiar one: 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.'

[EarsToHear]

Pr ?. I'm sorry I can't remember the scripture reference at the moment, but the verse is a familiar one: 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.'

Proverbs 3:5-6

[Jan51]

I don't believe the Bible teaches that God has a blueprint for our lives. The Bible clearly tells us what is God's will--look in a concordance for verses about His will. But many teach that He does have such a blueprint, and that it is our responsibility to find it. So we start looking for signs, trying to "interpret" every thought, feeling, event, circumstance, even trying to interpret the meaning of "nothing happening." Been there, done all that. Frustration, guilt, lots of bad decisions. Even the test of "peace" is elusive simply because of differing temperaments and personalities. I seldom got peace about anything because I was a very anxious, pessimistic type. I highly recommend you read Garry Friesen's book, "Decision Making & the Will of God." Besides giving a great biblical explanation, he specifically addresses marriage.

[Kaitlyn]

*hugs* I'm sorry about all of that, Megan! I'll leave myself on Facebook for a while tonight so we can talk if you get on. I believe that God will make sure you know when you've found the right person, but I've obviously never been in that situation. He's only even made it clear to me that someone wasn't the right one to marry.

[Genesis22]

Thanks everyone! And Kaitlyn I'm doing this from my phone right now, but I drfinitely want to talk to you soon! It's been way too long!

[Lynn]

I purchased the following book for our granddaughter who is quite a bit younger than you are Genesis. From Castleberry Publishers, there is a series of three books about characters who are looking for God's leading in courtship. They are written for younger teens, I think, and they are good, wholesome books. I enjoyed reading the one linked below, and I've been married over 40 years. 'Waiting for Her Isaac' is the one I am saving for our granddaughter.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/189...F8&me=&seller=

In my opinion, you are 'right on' in preferring courtship instead of dating. This book, though fiction, gives a lot of wholesome scenarios that describe the reasons for courtship.
Even though you and this young man dated previously, that doesn't mean that some day you have to return to the same kind of relationship. 'Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.' (Prov. 4:23) I would use this verse to speak in favor of courtship, and not dating, because the in doing the latter, it's much more difficult to obey this admonition.

[WVBORN56]

I agree with Proverbs 3: 5-6...mainly this, "in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths"

I think if we are seeking and praying for God's will we can not make a mistake. His will, will be done.