So, I said I wasn't going to post details about my situation on here because it doesn't need to be online for the whole world to see...but I really need some bible based advice. I have Christian friends who I talk to in person about this, but I've already talked to them and am still confused about what God wants. I know He will give me wisdom, but I thought maybe some of you know some verses that will help with that. For anyone who replies, please post scripture to back up your replies if possible.
So, about 6 months ago, I started dating my best friend. We have been great friends ever since I got saved while visiting his church 2 years ago. We had considered dating pretty much ever since we met, but never felt like we had that confirmation from God telling us to do so. Finally about 6 months ago, we decided that dating is the time to seek confirmation from God TOGETHER about if you should get married, and so we didn't need confirmation before dating- only before marriage. I don't know how right that was, but that was our conclusion at the time. Well, I think we quickly lost sight of why we were dating and ended up assuming that we were meant to be and were going to get married after college. We started acting like a couple and holding hands, kissing, etc...which I originally vowed not to do until marriage, because I feel that it takes away from the purpose of dating- which is seeking confirmation from God when you aren't sure if the person is for you. It wasn't at all my boyfriend's fault that I didn't stick to that, because I didn't tell him that I wanted that until afterwards. If I had told him, he would have respected my wishes and not tried to do those things. I was scared and didn't tell him. It was my fault. Looking back, we never did get confirmation from God that we should be together and never even prayed together about it (FYI, we both have very strong personal relationships with God and talk to Him about it separately, talk about God together all the time, help each other through trials, and go to church together all the time...we just never prayed together just the two of us about our situation).
He broke up with me this past week because he didn't think it was God's timing and thinks we rushed into a relationship without God's approval. We don't know if the break up is permanent or not, but he wants confirmation from God before dating me again. He also thinks that God needs to work on us separately right now before we are ready to be involved with anyone else. Even though it hurt me more than anything I've ever gone through, I completely understood and agreed that we took things farther than we should have without God's leading. However, I think the whole situation could have been resolved simply by having a courtship instead of dating relationship (courtship meaning basically a friendship but where you go on dates and pray together and consider marriage...which is what I originally wanted and then lost sight of). I don't think I want the romance part again until I'm married (well, my flesh does, but my soul doesn't) because it hurts too much if it doesn't work out and you've already gone through all that with the person. Not only that, but takes away from the purpose of dating because you're acting like you already own eachother before God has given you permission to. I wish we would have just switched to a courtship instead of completely breaking up, but he feels like he's not ready and I need to respect that. We still have a friendship, so that can still come later if it's meant to. We are on good terms with eachother and everything. But then my question becomes: do we need confirmation before starting a courtship in the future? Or isn't the whole point of a courtship because we don't know? But then I don't want to start this whole cycle again where we start things without God's permission. lol Where do I draw the line?!? What is the biblical thing to do here? Seek God obviously, which I am...but does the bible give any specific direction about this? Is courtship biblical? I know the bible had mostly arranged marriages, but my parents aren't saved so that isn't an option for me.
Here's what really confuses me: Today, I heard a pastor (not my pastor) basically say that God doesn't give confirmation about marriage and lets us pick the husband that we want- as long as they are Christians. I don't think I agree, because I was quickly reminded of Isaac and Rebekah, Jeremiah 29:11, 1 Corinthians 7:7...all those things which seem to indicate that God has an exact plan for us and tells us if/when to get married and to who. At the same time though, 1 Corinthians 7 does say that whether you marry or don't marry, you have not sinned...basically saying that either way is okay. How could either way be okay if God has a specific plan for you to only do it one way? Or is it that either way is okay in general, but for each individual person only one way is okay? I'm probably confusing you all so badly right now, but that's because I'm confused.
I know that the whole situation is in God's hands and that He can fix it. I know that it isn't too late for the relationship to be fixed (Matthew 9:28, He is able!). I know that God will give me wisdom (James 1:5 and Psalm 25:12) and give me the answer...but I can always use some Godly input.