I'm Married...

[mbrown1219]

An Excerpt from

The Loneliness of the Christian

by A. W. Tozer



The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone.

The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.

The man [or woman] who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens.

He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else."



From Man - The Dwelling Place of God, Chapter 39: "The Saint Must Walk Alone"

[RevivedAgain]

I was going to suggest 5 Love Languages too, but Mary beat me to it.

Excellent counsel here, so all I can add is this question, just in case it's pertinent. Do you have women friends? Sometimes wives fall into thinking that their husband should satisfy all their social and friendship needs, but women are made differently than men. If we expect our husbands to listen and share like a female friend would, we're putting an undue burden on him and will be left feeling lonely.

No, I don't. I am very isolated. I am not currently working and I home school my daughter. I have a broken relationship with my 22 year old son and we were very close. I have been grieving over this. The only person I have to talk to is my 76 year old mother and I have been dumping too much on her for too long.

We have one vehicle and my husband works 8 days a week (yes, I meant 8, lol). I have no way to get out anywhere. We don't go to church. My husband works on Sunday.

There is a lot of emptiness inside of me because there is a lot missing in my marriage.

[IMSAVED]

No, I don't. I am very isolated. I am not currently working and I home school my daughter. I have a broken relationship with my 22 year old son and we were very close. I have been grieving over this. The only person I have to talk to is my 76 year old mother and I have been dumping too much on her for too long.

We have one vehicle and my husband works 8 days a week (yes, I meant 8, lol). I have no way to get out anywhere. We don't go to church. My husband works on Sunday.

There is a lot of emptiness inside of me because there is a lot missing in my marriage.

Is counseling a possibility?

[mbrown1219]

It is not exactly the same as family and friends having tea in your kitchen, but we are here for you. Participate freely! And do ask for prayer in the prayer request section. JUST DO IT! Prayer works wonders for the soul. And thanks for sharing your pain with us. We all have pain, you know. Sharing that load definitely lightens it. I PMd you a minute ago too.....but you were already gone by the time I submitted this post. Hope you check back soon. Do not be a hermit, girlfriend!!!

[Acts5:41]

Yup.

I should also add, every time I've felt alone in my marriage, the devil sends along a very nice man, very understanding, everything Ron isn't, so sympathetic, loves to listen!

WARNING! Be very careful.

I am actually a little "weird" on the subject since a married man made advances towards me a few years ago. I don't even talk to men on the phone, even for church business. I have Ron do all the talking. I did a Bible Handout with a man from church, and made sure my husband came along. I will not give the devil a foothold.

Guard your heart.

Remember your husband's love language may be acts of service; working to provide for you. That may be how he shows his love. You may have a different love language, like quality time (like me). Then you feel lonely and unloved because you don't have any quality time!

[KingBozra]

an excerpt from

the loneliness of the christian

by a. W. Tozer



the loneliness of the christian results from his walk with god in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His god-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone.

The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our lord himself suffered in the same way.

The man [or woman] who has passed on into the divine presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens.

He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon god. his inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in god what he can find nowhere else."



from man - the dwelling place of god, chapter 39: "the saint must walk alone"

Excellent!!!!

[HooahWifey]

No, I don't. I am very isolated......

We have one vehicle and my husband works 8 days a week (yes, I meant 8, lol). I have no way to get out anywhere. We don't go to church. My husband works on Sunday.

There is a lot of emptiness inside of me because there is a lot missing in my marriage.

I don't know anything about the area you live in, but if you have any kind of places you could walk to, just to get out of the house, please, please, please let me encourage you to do that. Maybe you already do, I don't know... But I know what it's like to have nothing to look at but the walls of your house 24/7, and it can be very, very difficult to cope with... After going on like that for a couple of years, I got to the point that social situations made me really uncomfortable, and sometimes even afraid.
Take lots of walks if you can... Have you got a fast food place nearby? Go sit and have a milkshake... Even just walk to the gas station, pick up some odds and ends.
And I am the absolute worst person on earth to ever suggest this to somebody, because I have rarely done this, but consider neighbors too. It's not too hard to find a reason to pop over... "Hi, I made too many of these brownies, I thought you might like some..." You never know. You might find a friend, even if it seems unlikely.

[mbrown1219]

Lord God,

We lift your precious daughter up to you You this morning in prayer, asking that you guide, comfort, enlighten, sustain, and provide all her needs. We ask that You draw her closer to You today, and bring her blessed assurance as only You can. Please help her with home schooling her daughter, with being closer to her husband, and with reaching out in her community, all to Your glory Lord. Wipe away every tear. Even so, come Lord Jesus! Amen

[EarsToHear]

An Excerpt from

The Loneliness of the Christian

by A. W. Tozer

The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone.

The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.

The man [or woman] who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens.

He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else."

From Man - The Dwelling Place of God, Chapter 39: "The Saint Must Walk Alone"

Dear sister,
Married and single people share the same loneliness that only the Lord can fill. Please, come here often for spiritual food and be revived again by the companionship of your family in Christ.

[mbrown1219]

Give an update!

[LivnForChrist]

I can tell you from experience that isolation is not good for you. Take Hubby
to work and keep the car sometimes, especially on Sundays so that you can
go to church. Do not remain isolated like that. It's a marriage killer. It will make
you vulnerable to affairs, depression, and a host of other things. Being alone is
not good and no, the kids don't count in having a social life. Pray and ask God
for help/deliverance. I will pray for you.

[mbrown1219]

Communicate with us! It can be a rambling mess if that is what is on your mind right now. We can sort it out!

Dear Lord,

Please help our sister break off her chains of fear that are keeping her isolated and frozen in her situation. Help her "see" Your presence in her life Lord, that she is surrounded by an army of angels doing battle for her and that all she has to do is rest in Your care and trust in You for her outcome. Give her strength and wisdom to move forward in a healthy, balanced way from this minute forward.

Help her to pray effectively for her children, to be an awesome home schooling mom, to reconnect with her son as You see fit, to be able to laugh and lighten up with her mother maybe remembering some good times, and Lord give her a new love for her husband that will be life changing for both of them.

These things I pray in Jesus' name, the name above all names to which every knee will bow and soon! Amen.

[EarsToHear]

Beautiful, Mary. Amen!

[SaintTexas]

I love how there is always compassionate ministry here for each other. Thank You Lord Jesus when You compel us to have a heart for one another and comfort as You have comforted us.

I have a story a lot like others here as well, like yours as well. I know that loneliness. The Lord did a work in both of us as well, and there are some times that are not easy, but the Lord can do amazing things that we cannot imagine. Trust the Lord with your marriage. Ask Him to help you with your perspective---to see your situation the way that He does and ask what He wants to do and tell Him that you trust Him and mean it. He also knows what is going to happen in the future, so He is the very best person to talk with, even better than any of us. He is Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God.

The Lord always wants to do a work in us and make us more like Him.

If I had a word of advice, it would be be thankful for what you have (that is a command right in Paul's letters and is the will of God for us) and thank the Lord aloud for everything that you can think of, including the trials and difficulties---He is working them for your good (Romans 8:28). Love your husband when he is around and love him the way that he needs to be loved regardless of how you actually feel about it. Ask the Lord to help you with this and give you joy and generosity toward loving your husband. Love your daughter and be thankful that you can be home and homeschool her, even if it's meagerly. What a privilege when we are raising our children in this country. We are certainly not supported by society in doing this. Last, read your Bible everyday and fill up on the Bread of Life and drink Living Water.

It's nice that you can come here and hang out, but Jesus really wants some time with you and wants to speak with you by His Word. He loves when you come to Him, weary and weak and beat up and lacking. He is always waiting to listen to you. Don't you love that about Jesus?

It's our 20th wedding anniversary today. He is traveling for work. One of our daughters is in El Salvador on a mission trip, and I am at home with the other three kids and had been feeling very abandoned. And I was really questioning why the Lord was timing things this way, but I believe He just wants to show me that I am not abandoned at all because He is with me, and that is more important than anything else and that I am to trust Him regardless of what things look like or how I feel or how anyone else behaves. He is still God and that relationship with Him is most important. He is the one who will be with me no matter where I go, who stays with me when I am lonely.

And if you have never shared with your husband that you feel lonely, it's good to communicate that to him in a way that is loving and respectful and not demanding, and that you really just enjoy his company and miss him.

When I was lonely in my marriage, one practical thing that I did was made him my best friend and served him. I tried to make our home a haven for him and a place where he was going to be greeted with love and welcomed home and cared for and honored, and I strive to do this everyday. Sometimes I still blow it, but I ask the Lord for help in figuring out how to do this in the practical sense as well as making my heart right toward my husband. That requires total trust in the Lord and submitting to Him. Not easy, but totally worth it. I pray for the Lord to be the best company you have ever had and for Him to minister to you in your marriage and to make it into something that totally honors Him in every way.

[Lynn]

Wow, St. Texas! What a post! I hope everyone here on RR, and several read-only lurkers as well, read what you have written and take it to heart.

[RevivedAgain]

Is counseling a possibility?

No, not really. Not at this time.

[RevivedAgain]

It is not exactly the same as family and friends having tea in your kitchen, but we are here for you. Participate freely! And do ask for prayer in the prayer request section. JUST DO IT! Prayer works wonders for the soul. And thanks for sharing your pain with us. We all have pain, you know. Sharing that load definitely lightens it. I PMd you a minute ago too.....but you were already gone by the time I submitted this post. Hope you check back soon. Do not be a hermit, girlfriend!!!

Thank you for the welcome and the support.

And thank you to everyone for your prayers, your advice, and your kindness.

[Firefly]

RevivedAgain,

I was in a lonely place, and needed friends, Christian friends, so I prayed specifically for God to send me Christian friends. Then I started seeing God put people in my life. So I know God wants us to have friends and will hear and answer that prayer!

I just prayed that God would send you a special Christian friend.

Keep reading the Bible too, the Psalms are good and uplifting.

Oh, and singing helps. Do you play an instrument? Or maybe you can pick up a new hobby and learn to play one? or just sing along with the radio, or make up your own songs. When I was in a very lonely time I sang to God, crying, with tears streaming.

He cares for you, loves you deeply. Trust Him!

[Robinbobbin]

Thank you for the welcome and the support.

And thank you to everyone for your prayers, your advice, and your kindness.

The sermon at our church this past Sunday really touched my heart about your situation - it was about how sometimes when we feel most lost, most alone, that is when God is working in our hearts to help us become the people he intends us to be for His glory.

I know it doesn't help when you're broken hearted and lonely beyond belief, but I look back on our marriage a few years back when we were literally two ships passing in the night for 2.5 years and there is great truth in that.

As for the loneliness, I don't know if this appeals to you at all, but call your local Community Bible Study or Bible Study Fellowship and explain your situation. I'll bet there is a lady attending from your community who would drive you and your daughter. They meet weekly, and there is a fantastic program for homeschooled kids. It would give both you and your DD a break from the 4 walls of home.

[Reason&Hope]

Praying for Christian friends for you.

I'm a homeschooling mom too, so if you ever want to chat or ask questions, etc., feel free to PM me.

Shannon