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Thread: Do you attend family events over guilt?

  1. #1
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    Default Do you attend family events over guilt?

    I am dreading an upcoming event. Do you go when you don't want to go just to avoid guilt?
    The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

    Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

  2. #2
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    Yep. My family are largely liberal's liberals. My brother, who is a science man, sat there and told me of "transgender" people, that there could be one truth for one person and another for someone else. Postmodern humanistic relative truth chicken crap. It's actually painful to go see them. We went to pickup food, and the establishment is a very old BBQ place. They had a "suggestion box" type thing on a little shelf in the dining room with a Prayer Requests -- Our staff will be happy to pray for your needs" sign above it, and he was mocking that. I've shared the Gospel with all of them at one point or another over the years, and it hurts to see them rejecting Christ, and to hear about how lovely they all are. And they are nice, as far as people go, but headed for a bad surprise out of pure ignorance. That's what makes it even worse. I'm a sinner. I know it. Many of them are twice the breadwinner, scholar or parent I will ever be, but none of that matters when you draw your last breath. They just don't get it.

    Then, after one of these visits, I feel guilty because I don't think I am showing them Jesus very well.

    ers for all our lost loved ones.

    eta: And not only out of guilt, if it was just about me, I would stay home. But I am always hoping and praying this will be the visit when I may get to say something that makes a difference.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindy S. View Post
    I am dreading an upcoming event. Do you go when you don't want to go just to avoid guilt?
    Nope. If I can come up with a legitimate reason, then I go. But not for guilt or shame.

  4. #4
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    We just had a huge family reunion on my husband's side up in northern Idaho. Family from all over the country showed up.
    I wasn't really looking forward to going but it was actually pretty nice to visit with family that we hadn't seen in years. When I got tired of talking to people I just grabbed my daughter and we went for a walk or played one of the many yard games.

    Cindy, I pray that the Lord will take this dread out of you and replace it with His peace concerning this event. Just remember that it'll be over before you know it!

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koalie View Post
    We just had a huge family reunion on my husband's side up in northern Idaho. Family from all over the country showed up.
    I wasn't really looking forward to going but it was actually pretty nice to visit with family that we hadn't seen in years. When I got tired of talking to people I just grabbed my daughter and we went for a walk or played one of the many yard games.

    Cindy, I pray that the Lord will take this dread out of you and replace it with His peace concerning this event. Just remember that it'll be over before you know it!
    Im at the event right now. Going to leave before they get too drunk.
    The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

    Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

  6. #6
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    Thank God they disowned him.

    " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

    Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

    Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

    Matthew 22:9 NIV
    'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


    I'm praying for you daily!
    I get my Bibles here

  7. #7
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    My personal family no. Don't talk to a single one anymore.

    My wife's family I do. I love em. But they are liberals. We finally no longer talk politics cause I won't keep my trap shut and it's either peaceful or I will call out liberal nonsense.
    Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

  8. #8
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    I stopped feeling guilty over that a long time ago........keeps a person sane at times.

  9. #9
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    I used to always worry about everyone else's feelings being hurt, and would go to events out of a sense of duty. When my husband died, and those family members and friends just walked away and never called, texted, e-mailed, or showed up again.......... I realized how foolish I had been all of my life. Now, I go to what I want to go to, and I pass on the rest, simply stating "sorry, I have other plans". No more guilt.

  10. #10
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    We are blessed with an amazing family...we love our DIL's as much as we love our sons. Get-togethers are always fun, especially being with the grandkids! One liberal DIL in the bunch, but there is never any political discussion (having learned from experience) so we just love on each other!
    God has blessed us so greatly
    No guilt anywhere to be found, even if we have to skip the occasional beach birthday party...everyone understands

    I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken because He is right beside me. Ps. 16:8

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathymendel View Post
    I used to always worry about everyone else's feelings being hurt, and would go to events out of a sense of duty. When my husband died, and those family members and friends just walked away and never called, texted, e-mailed, or showed up again.......... I realized how foolish I had been all of my life. Now, I go to what I want to go to, and I pass on the rest, simply stating "sorry, I have other plans". No more guilt.
    Many people in society are all about 'me, me, me'. Could be why they never reached out, but that probably made the loss so much worse! Part of the healing of grief is going through it with others, and talking about the person who died. If family and friends aren't willing to do that, ouch. I'm sorry you went through this!

    I like the phrase "I have other plans". I'll have to remember that. Even if my plans are to sit at home for a quiet evening of doing nothing! Those are 'plans' and thus 'tis not a lie!
    "Therefore my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable,
    always abounding in the work of the Lord;
    knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

    1 Corinthians 15:58 (ESV)

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firefly View Post
    Many people in society are all about 'me, me, me'. Could be why they never reached out, but that probably made the loss so much worse! Part of the healing of grief is going through it with others, and talking about the person who died. If family and friends aren't willing to do that, ouch. I'm sorry you went through this!

    I like the phrase "I have other plans". I'll have to remember that. Even if my plans are to sit at home for a quiet evening of doing nothing! Those are 'plans' and thus 'tis not a lie!
    Oh my, you have no idea how much it hurt. Or how invaluable they made me feel. I was always the one getting the family together at our house, at our expense, and me doing all the work of it over for 35 years. They did very little or nothing at all to comfort me or show their love and caring. I finally shared my hurt feelings with a few of them, and they offered NO apology at all. So, I finally contacted them and told them that I was moving on with my life without them. I let them know I loved them, but that I was not going to subject myself to their hurtfulness anymore. You'd think I was the bad guy, by the way they took it.

    To the few who are in touch once in a great while, if I say, "I have other plans".......... I don't tell them what those plans are, and I feel no reason to give them definite information about those plans. They can ask me to til doomsday, and I will not give them the satisfaction of a definite reason. They gave me no reasons why they were never there for me. They were just "too busy".

    I know I sound angry.......... I'm really not. It's been more than two and a half years now since Paul went to be with the Lord. It took me a long time, but I've gotten over their treatment of me. And, quite honestly, my life is better without them. They only added drama and angst to my life anyway. They are very selfish and shallow people. I just refuse to be a doormat for anyone anymore. Life is too short and I'm worth more than that. (I'm a child of the King!) I've forgiven them and I love them, and I pray consistently for them.............but that's it now. Nothing more.

    I am going to my grandson's wedding in November and a lot of them will be there.........have no idea what to expect. However, I will be smile and be friendly and be nice because I don't want to do anything to upset the wedding celebration. I don't have a lot of hope they will have the same attitude, tho. Sad.

  13. #13
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    Kathy, you reminded me of my wedding invitations.

    Ron had had his accident, and I had a big battle with his family to keep him out of a nursing home. Their basic attitude was, you want him, you can have him, but we will never help. Fine.

    So it comes time to send out wedding invitations. My aunt coordinated everything for me, I just had to tell her what I wanted. Anyway, she asked me if I wanted to send all of them invitations. I said no, they were horrible to me, and they will ruin my wedding. But I did want to send one to his parents.

    So my aunt came up with the perfect wedding invitation: "Ron and Heather invite you to share their joy...." Meaning, if you didn't get an invite we knew you wouldn't be happy for us.

    His parents didn't come but we had a good time anyway.

    " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

    Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

    Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

    Matthew 22:9 NIV
    'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


    I'm praying for you daily!
    I get my Bibles here

  14. #14
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    So sorry they didn't come.............but, it was their loss.

    I've been invited by my grandson and his fiance' - with honors and love. I'm sure all of the other family members have been, too. It will be awkward, tho, as the other family members have been so lacking in social skills when it comes to my husband's death, and the way they treated me. As I said, I will be kind and smile and say hi..........briefly. I won't sit with any of them at the wedding or the sit-down reception. (If someone seated me with them, I will just not eat - I'll go outside of the room and wait for the dinner to be over.) My husband's ex-wife's family have been wonderful, so I will spend the bulk of my time with them.....all will be well on my end anyway. But, I have NO idea how all these others are going to act. There are a few who would not be out of their game trying to stir things up. I hope not, tho........for the bride and grooms sake. But, I'm not going to let anyone make me miss the wedding because I'm afraid of what THEY might do.

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