Am I Being Paranoid?

[saint-in-training]

I beg for the rapture because I so dislike where this world is going so that I fear where it will take my children as well as their minds. Right now I've actually been going through a bit of a difficulty. Tell me what you all think. I've already heard two others disagree with my own thinking on the issue and I thought how I felt about it would have been pretty widespread within a Christian group.

Yesterday, I received a note and a packet in the mail. The note explained that about this time they introduce a unit on "human maturation" as they call it. Where they discuss parts of the body how they will soon change (mind you this child of mine is at the end of fourth grade and is 10 years old.) There are (in the packet) a couple of loose paragraph titels like, "Your Changin' Bod" and "Here It Is Girls...Menstruation." They describe body part terms and functions, menstruation and products, ugh...and bodily hair...hygiene.... And in their little Q&A section there was one particular question that bothered me...If I use a tampon will I still be a virgin?...Then they go one to discuss with their answer what a virgin is and talk about sexual intercourse. Not descriptly, but well here's what their answer was. I want to give exactly their answer, and yes this is a public school. I cannot afford to send my children to a christian school or I certainly would!
They say..."If you've never had sexual intercourse, and you use a tampon, then yes, you are still a virgin. A virgin is someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse. Using a tampon may (although not commonly) rupture your hymen, which is also ruptured the first time a woman has sexual intercourse. But contrary to myth, a hymen is not an indicator of virginity. Plenty of virgins have barely noticeable hymens; non-virgins may even have intact, though stretched hymens."

Okay, now they'll use the words "sexual intercourse" with my daughter and she's going to want to know exactly what it is they're talking about, right? I know not talking to my daughter about the birds and the bees descriptly will not keep her from doing anything, but I just don't know if I want the public school to teach my daughter about this stuff. And especially not right now, fourth grade, 10 yrs old. I just have this feeling that if you introduce them to sexuality too early, they may become interested in it prematurely, do I sound crazy?

Not to mention, I've pretty much covered most of this stuff with her already myself, but I just think it's stuff they should learn at home with mom or dad. Not the gym teacher!

[happymommy728]

In the shool district around here (at least when I was a student and when I taught) you could choose whether or not you wanted your child to participate in sex ed. I would call the school and see if your child can opt out of it.

[jadeeyes]

I think that's way too much info for a typical 10 year old. And yes, I think that the in depth explanation of what a virgin is would be better learned at home from parents when they think the info is age appropriate.

[chel0524]

I had the menstruation talk with my oldest DD last year. She was 9 at the time. There is no way she is ready to learn about intercourse. I would see if your DD can sit that out.

[NewWorldOrder]

I think that's way too much info for a typical 10 year old. And yes, I think that the in depth explanation of what a virgin is would be better learned at home from parents when they think the info is age appropriate.

I disagree, but here's why. I was 10 years old when I started my period, and I was 7 when I started getting pubic hair, and I was about 8 or 9 when I had to start shaving under my arms, and I'm 39 years old now. My mother was 9 when she started her period, so she knew she had to be ready to tell me all about this stuff when I was probably around 8 or 9, because nobody told her anything, and when she started her period at age 9 she thought she was dying. I knew how babies came into this world before I was 10 years old, and how it happened, and I wasn't grossed out by it.

Unfortunately, lot's of parents do not sit down with their children and explain these things to them, hence the question about using a tampon and still being a virgin. 10 years old is not too young, since most 10 year olds are just one year shy of middle school. If you aren't comfortable with your daughter being in that class, I completely understand, you should tell the school. We homeschool, so I do all the sex education. I taught my oldest daughter those things when she was 9, and my youngest is about to be 9. She already knows what a virgin is, and she knows what sexual intercourse is. She also knows that it is something done between married people and that God says it's ok as long as we are married.

I don't think your daughter will become interested in it prematurely if you tell her the truth. She needs to know that you can be open with her about this without getting embarrassed, or feeling uncomfortable, and that she can ask you any kind of question no matter how awkward it may be, because she may over hear a conversation about a sexual matter and not know what they're talking about and she may ask you. That happened to me when I was 10 years old when I was at our community pool and overheard some teenagers talking about oral sex. I asked my mom what that was, and she didn't flinch or get drive into a ditch, since we were in the car when I asked her. She asked where I heard the term I used, and then proceeded to tell me what it was, and she didn't try to brush it off by saying we'll discuss it later. One thing I really admired about my mother growing up, was she was truthful with me when I asked about something like that, but she didn't use derogatory language, or anything, she simply told the truth according to how I could understand it, and that was that. If you make too big a deal out of it, and side step the issue, she's going to find somebody else to ask, wouldn't you rather it be you.

[HSmomto4]

That class is done in the 4th grade everywhere. A lot of girls start to get their periods by age 10, I did and so did my oldest daughter. I'm not against the info being given to children, BUT I am however against anyone but the PARENT giving it. I don't care that a lot of parents don't talk about it with their children, that point means nothing to me. Christian parents need to STOP letting other people teach their children. God gave them to US to teach and we just hand it over to someone else. We are the ones that will have stand before God and answer for what our children were taught. That is why I believe in homeschooling so much as well as family worship. It isn't just public schools that we have turned our children over to for raising it is also the church. We send them off to Sunday school, children's church, youth group, AWANAS, RA's or GA's and so on and just depend on the CHURCH to raise our children. They are ours! God gave them to us! We should be the people teaching them about God, morals, education, and daily living. Did you know that the average parent spends 15 min. a day talking to their child? That is not enough time to teach what God has called us to teach our children. We need to step up to the plate and be the parents that God has called us to be!

Sorry Saint-in-training, this wasn't directed AT you, it was more of just a rant of mine. This is the ministry that God has called my husband and me to so I become very passionate about it.

[FaithContender]

I disagree, but here's why. I was 10 years old when I started my period, and I was 7 when I started getting pubic hair, and I was about 8 or 9 when I had to start shaving under my arms, and I'm 39 years old now. My mother was 9 when she started her period, so she knew she had to be ready to tell me all about this stuff when I was probably around 8 or 9, because nobody told her anything, and when she started her period at age 9 she thought she was dying. I knew how babies came into this world before I was 10 years old, and how it happened, and I wasn't grossed out by it.

Unfortunately, lot's of parents do not sit down with their children and explain these things to them, hence the question about using a tampon and still being a virgin. 10 years old is not too young, since most 10 year olds are just one year shy of middle school. If you aren't comfortable with your daughter being in that class, I completely understand, you should tell the school. We homeschool, so I do all the sex education. I taught my oldest daughter those things when she was 9, and my youngest is about to be 9. She already knows what a virgin is, and she knows what sexual intercourse is. She also knows that it is something done between married people and that God says it's ok as long as we are married.

I don't think your daughter will become interested in it prematurely if you tell her the truth. She needs to know that you can be open with her about this without getting embarrassed, or feeling uncomfortable, and that she can ask you any kind of question no matter how awkward it may be, because she may over hear a conversation about a sexual matter and not know what they're talking about and she may ask you. That happened to me when I was 10 years old when I was at our community pool and overheard some teenagers talking about oral sex. I asked my mom what that was, and she didn't flinch or get drive into a ditch, since we were in the car when I asked her. She asked where I heard the term I used, and then proceeded to tell me what it was, and she didn't try to brush it off by saying we'll discuss it later. One thing I really admired about my mother growing up, was she was truthful with me when I asked about something like that, but she didn't use derogatory language, or anything, she simply told the truth according to how I could understand it, and that was that. If you make too big a deal out of it, and side step the issue, she's going to find somebody else to ask, wouldn't you rather it be you.

I agree. Kids were already talking about all that stuff in school when I was in 3rd grade. I remember asking my friend about it when I was 8, and she told me what her mom had told her. My mom only every had the puberty talk with me, so I had to learn everything else from the kids at school, and I looked words up in the dictionary. What a horrible way to learn about all that...I wish my mom had just been straight-up with me and told me everything herself.

[jadeeyes]

I disagree, but here's why. I was 10 years old when I started my period, and I was 7 when I started getting pubic hair, and I was about 8 or 9 when I had to start shaving under my arms, and I'm 39 years old now. My mother was 9 when she started her period, so she knew she had to be ready to tell me all about this stuff when I was probably around 8 or 9, because nobody told her anything, and when she started her period at age 9 she thought she was dying. I knew how babies came into this world before I was 10 years old, and how it happened, and I wasn't grossed out by it.

Unfortunately, lot's of parents do not sit down with their children and explain these things to them, hence the question about using a tampon and still being a virgin. 10 years old is not too young, since most 10 year olds are just one year shy of middle school. If you aren't comfortable with your daughter being in that class, I completely understand, you should tell the school. We homeschool, so I do all the sex education. I taught my oldest daughter those things when she was 9, and my youngest is about to be 9. She already knows what a virgin is, and she knows what sexual intercourse is. She also knows that it is something done between married people and that God says it's ok as long as we are married.

I don't think your daughter will become interested in it prematurely if you tell her the truth. She needs to know that you can be open with her about this without getting embarrassed, or feeling uncomfortable, and that she can ask you any kind of question no matter how awkward it may be, because she may over hear a conversation about a sexual matter and not know what they're talking about and she may ask you. That happened to me when I was 10 years old when I was at our community pool and overheard some teenagers talking about oral sex. I asked my mom what that was, and she didn't flinch or get drive into a ditch, since we were in the car when I asked her. She asked where I heard the term I used, and then proceeded to tell me what it was, and she didn't try to brush it off by saying we'll discuss it later. One thing I really admired about my mother growing up, was she was truthful with me when I asked about something like that, but she didn't use derogatory language, or anything, she simply told the truth according to how I could understand it, and that was that. If you make too big a deal out of it, and side step the issue, she's going to find somebody else to ask, wouldn't you rather it be you.

If you'll notice, I said that was too much information for the typical 10 year old and referred to the detailed explanation of what a virgin is was better left to parents. I started my period real early as well and I was developing breasts by the time I was 8 so I understand that these children need to know about the changes taking place in their bodies. In answer to the question about whether a person would still be a virgin after using a tampon, a simple yes would have sufficed. The child wasn't asking for a definition of the word virgin. The reason I think it's best to leave some of these questions for parents to answer is that they are in a position to better know what is age appropriate for their own children. Some 10 year olds are ready for far more information than others are. As for me, when I was in school, this information was presented in fifth grade. By that time, my Mother had discussed with me some of the changes taking place in my body. She explained to me why my breasts were growing and told me about my period and bought me what I would need when the time came. It's a good thing too, because she had already left for work and I was getting ready for school when I needed those things for the first time. I did what I needed to do and went to school. My Mother was genuinely proud of me when she came home from work and I told her what had happened and I went to school and went about my day the way I did on all other days because she had prepared me.

[Tenbear2808]

Also remember that even though she might be able to opt out of the class most of her classmates will be not. So they will be talking about this anyway and we know how imaginations and stuff can soar!

I agree parents should take control. Whether you opt out or whether you send her, YOU should be the one to tell her first.

And I would cover those things before this class takes place, including intercourse. Encourage her to ask YOU any questions that come up. Even if your embarassed, you will have to take deep breathes and just talk about it.

I understand there are some Christian books on this subject out there, although I'm not familiar with them. Perhaps one of those books and you and her read it together?

[NewLifeinHim]

I'm with NewWorldOrder and Faith Contender on this one.

This just brought back memories of girls at school and how missinformed we were by 3rd grade. My best friend started her period at age 11 and she was sure someone had put glass in her food and that she was going to die. Not even a year later, with all the little information we had and the playground rumors we heard, we were convinced that chewing gum while having sex helped you to remain a virgin (how did we figure THAT ONE out!?)
I see how we think this information should be given by the parents only, but in many families, that will never be the case.

[Witness4Jesus]

Saint in Training, I am with you on this. I have a dd 12 and we decided to opt out of the sex education in 4th grade. Instead I bought a book called "All about You" by American Girl. It is only about girls and covers the basic's. I also talked to her about other things on her mind. We felt comfortable with this approach so that if she started her period early she would have the infomation.

Then in 7th grade they take health and go over the infomation again. This time I did allow her to see the video ect... she was much more ready for it.

I would opt out of the 4th grade one. They DON'T need to know about sexual intercourse or virginity at that age. Way to much info. My personal thought is to talk to them and be honest but give only the info they wanting or absolutely need to know.

I hope that helps.

Witness

[LoveforChrist]

Maybe I'm the oldest one here. But I'm 38 years old. I spent my 3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th,8th,9th, and 10th grade years in California. We never were taught about sex ed until I was in the 9th grade. I was fortunate I didn't start my cycle until I was 16!!!! A few of my friends in the 4th grade had breast. That was the talk of the school. But I actually didn't want breast. I didn't want to wear a bra. I liked boys - but it wasn't in a sexual way - like most 2nd graders are looking at boys now. My mom never talked about sex to me. I learned it from friends. I thought it was pretty yucky. I am a germ freak anyway. I didn't want to get germs from anyone else. I never ate after anyone, or drank after anyone. I thought that was the grosses thing you could do. And I teach my girls not to share anything with anyone. I don't care if they are your best friend.

I think there is a very fine line with sex education. We expect our children to learn about sex in the 4th grade. Why do we accept what the world dictates. That is to young in my opinion. I know there were gays, child molesters, hookers, adultery, pre-marriage sex going on when I was a child, but it wasn't blately. It was undercover, there was a form of shame when you were involved in that lifestyle. So what has changed? Our way of acceptance. Everybody is doing it mentality? I'm afraid the sexual explosion is going to bite us in the butt eventually. And its going to be horrifying.

[jadeeyes]

Maybe I'm the oldest one here. But I'm 38 years old. I spent my 3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th,8th,9th, and 10th grade years in California. We never were taught about sex ed until I was in the 9th grade. I was fortunate I didn't start my cycle until I was 16!!!! A few of my friends in the 4th grade had breast. That was the talk of the school. But I actually didn't want breast. I didn't want to wear a bra. I liked boys - but it wasn't in a sexual way - like most 2nd graders are looking at boys now. My mom never talked about sex to me. I learned it from friends. I thought it was pretty yucky. I am a germ freak anyway. I didn't want to get germs from anyone else. I never ate after anyone, or drank after anyone. I thought that was the grosses thing you could do. And I teach my girls not to share anything with anyone. I don't care if they are your best friend.

I think there is a very fine line with sex education. We expect our children to learn about sex in the 4th grade. Why do we accept what the world dictates. That is to young in my opinion. I know there were gays, child molesters, hookers, adultery, pre-marriage sex going on when I was a child, but it wasn't blately. It was undercover, there was a form of shame when you were involved in that lifestyle. So what has changed? Our way of acceptance. Everybody is doing it mentality? I'm afraid the sexual explosion is going to bite us in the butt eventually. And its going to be horrifying.

Nope, I turn 54 this month.

[LoveforChrist]

Nope, I turn 54 this month.

Congrats. I always say - I don't mind getting older - at least I know I am alive.

[jadeeyes]

Congrats. I always say - I don't mind getting older - at least I know I am alive.

Yep, I'm just thankful for the years the Lord has given me.

[Walker]

I don't have kids, so I am a bit out of the loop on this one.

My question for the OP is this: What information are you willing to give and what are you wanting to leave out?

I ask this because I am wondering where do you stop?

So if you explain to your daughter that her body is going to go through changes, do you tell her why the changes are occurring and how do you explain the changes? For example, if you say that soon your body will develop breasts and you will get hair in certain places and you will have a monthly period. The inevitable question is why is this happening? How do you answer this without talking about the body getting ready for procreation (and therefore sex) and talking about the release of eggs, etc?

My mom, bless her heart, told us that the body needs about 10-15 years of "practice" periods before it should have a baby. She was very broad about the mechanics of sex and used clinical terms. She also explained that boys are going through similar changes that make them sexually mature as well, but that they needed to wait as well until they were older.

That explanation sufficed for my sister and I when we were pre-pubescent, but then by the time we got to be older, she could have a more open discussion on sex and virginity and purity. Mom had a very open relationship concerning that type of stuff, and were always able to tell the people who gave bad info that they were wrong.

My nephew has a book, called "It's Not the Stork". The book also goes in to topics like inappropriate touching, etc and is written at an age-appropriate level. His mom is also very conscientious about people using the appropriate words for body parts, which she thinks helped her with the conversation.

[lyngraphics]

I kind of skimmed the rest of the thread, but I am more concerned about them considering "sexual intercourse" the only way to lose your virginity... I think this leads to young girls thinking "everything else" is okay....

[HSmomto4]

I kind of skimmed the rest of the thread, but I am more concerned about them considering "sexual intercourse" the only way to lose your virginity... I think this leads to young girls thinking "everything else" is okay....

Yes!! We need to teach sexual PURITY!!

[FunMudder]

My general rule of thumb is :If it makes the parent uneasy, then it is not ok for their child. Period.

Lots of excellent points and advice in here

One I would like to point out, is that no matter what you opt your child out of, activity, lesson, brainwashing, whatever; she will still be around it when her class mates are talking about it. Lets face it, sex is a hot topic in todays sad times. The best way to counter these things is for you to discuss them with her first, give her the ability and knowledge to see truth from fiction by educating her FIRST. One thing you can be sure of, they will not be teaching or promoting purity, that falls fully on you and her dad. Being open to these talks will only help her feel she can trust you with questions instead of feeling like mom wont understand why she is asking.

Sadly, I knew too much about sex by 2nd grade than what it sounds like the school is going to teach. Not from a bad home, maybe a little from tv, but mostly my sex ed came from classmates with older siblings. By the time my mother wanted to talk about it I was way past what she thought I was ready to hear. Such is life in our school system unfortunately.

[saint-in-training]

Well, I thank you all for your input, and as the first feeling in the pit of my stomach was just overwhelming, my husband and I looked over this packet and discussed a little of how we feel and decided that being that I've pretty much broached most of these topics with her already without getting seriously detailed (she knows the female has and egg and the male has a "fishy".) She doesn't know about the "pleasure" stuff yet. She knows about body change, hygiene, menses(doesn't want it), had to talk about how a baby is made technically because we came across the story in the Bible where it said Mary hadn't been with a man, and had to sort of discuss how a baby is made. And ofcourse I told her about being married..."Someday, you'll meet a man that you will want to marry..." And although she giggles when she talks about "boyfriends" I remind her she can be friends with boys without needing to get involved with those kinds of feelings yet. "I got married when I was almost 20, and it WASN'T to a boy I went to school with." And "Someday, boys will tell you things that will make you think they love you because they want something..." And without really "going there" I think I will take her out of this lesson and will get involved with the study "Secret Keepers" over the summer with her. I spoke to her tonight a little about modesty, and saving yourself for your husband, and how I myself hadn't "saved myself" and how it still bothers me today. She is a very sweet, outgoing, naive, thin (will be a LATE bloomer!), and impressionable young girl. And my hubby and I have decided this kind of thing you should learn at home and in a Christian way, not a public school kind of way. I am glad to report that this evening after our "modesty" talk she went upstairs holding her towel tightly around her, put on a cute long skirt and a matching top, a hat, purse, and necklace and came down to me and said "Mom, is this modest?" (smiling), and then informed me that she had "modestly" cleaned her bedroom. I could get to like this! (Then asked if we could paint our nails) I think studying up on modesty and purity with a girly touch will work for both of us, and in the future when this comes along again A)Hopefully, we'll all be in Heaven because God sent for us! or B)She'll say ewwww, my mom told me about that stuff and having a baby hurts! Just kidding! I hope she will remember that it is something special that you save for your wedding day that will be something beautiful and meaningful, and that it is the means for starting a family. (And then someday maybe she'll be going through all this!)

Thank you all again!