Funny Sayings and mottos

[lisaann]

I've collected sayings for years. Some funny, some seriously good words to live by. Well, dh and I have been cleaning out the attic and going through our old belongings and I found a diary that I was keeping at the time we got married. I had written down a saying that the elderly lady who did our catering told me that was too cute and too true.

"The face your born with is the one God gave you. Your face at 50 is the one you gave yourself." Mrs. Toms

Do you have any good ones to share?

[lisaann]

Here's one that a guy in our Sunday School class made up during a lesson:

Does life's curve-balls make you bitter or do they make you better?

[NewLifeinHim]

I love:

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I

[twelvesmaster]

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

[PWOODS]

"Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!"

Don't know who to give the credit to...just like the saying.

[jadeeyes]

Never fry bacon in the nude - Me

Just take my word on this one.

You sound bitter.

[Sing]

Brain cells live or die. Fat cells live forever.

[Wally]

In reference to training children and placing them in public school to influence the other children:

Clean doesn't rub off.



If you take two behaved/trained boys and leave them alone a moment, look out....

Two dogs make half a dog.



I posted these a while ago.



I loved Abraham Lincoln's quote:

If I was 2 faced would I be wearing this one?

[Lisababy]

My mom always had a favorite saying she would tell me when i was younger. I would never sit still for her to brush/style my hair. i hated it, i didn't care what my hair looked like at that age and whenever she could strap me down long enough to brush it, it was usually full of tangles etc. hence another reason why i hated to have her brush it.

She would tell me "beauty must suffer" For the longest time, everytime i heard her say that all i could think was "if beauty suffers, then i want to be ugly the rest of my life."

[No2Flesh]

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes. -Jack Handy

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

[Seemomgonuts]

She would tell me "beauty must suffer" For the longest time, everytime i heard her say that all i could think was "if beauty suffers, then i want to be ugly the rest of my life."

My Grandma's was "Beauty knows no pain". She always said this when she was brushing the tangles out of my hair.

[Galoutofdixie]

One of my favorites and also my motto:

If it's not chocolate... then what's the point? 'Erma Bombeck'

[Sing4Him]

My mom used to say something similar: "You have to suffer to be beautiful."


Oh.. my good friend had a great liner for her begging children-- I used often when my kids were little asking for frivolous things:

"When ya want, ya don't get!"

[Galoutofdixie]

Another from Erma Bombeck:

Life's short. Eat desert first!

[tessreis]

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

I really needed that! Thanks for the laugh!!

[jadeeyes]

I have one from the Father off a friend of mine. They had 7 kids and when 1 of their teens wanted to use the family car or started talking about wanting their parents to buy them a car he would tell them:

Walkin' ain't crowded.

[Seemomgonuts]

Another good Jack Handy quote:

The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part of the face.

[Marie_M]

Here are some that I love:

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
-- Erma Bombeck

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
-- Abe Lincoln

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
-- Abe Lincoln

Man has will, but woman has her way.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
-- Yogi Berra (who was known for his not-so-intelligent quotes )

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-- Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
-- Bill Cosby

[lisaann]

Here are some that I picked up here on RR:

Why do people that know the least know it the loudest?

You can accomplish more with a kind word and a shillelagh than you can with just a kind word.

[lisaann]

You never really learn much from hearing yourself talk. George Clooney