To be honest. i am not sure when. i know once when i lay in an ambulance because i tried to end it all i lay down and it all went dark, not like when you close your eyes but dark with me eyes open and fully awake. a face suddenly came to me of a man with long curly hair what can best be described as a perm with a beard but not a long one, quite a short one. Only one question was asked of me and that was, "Where are you going?", "Where...are...you...going?". well that's when i decided to fight. i was on my own, taken enough pills to kill me ten times over. no drug to combat the effects. didn't know the face of the man but i know it was no-one i had ever met physically, never even seen that face before. But what a strange question i thought. the doctors told me i have enough tramadol hydrochloride in my blood to kill me 4 times over and more in my stomach to kill me 6 times over and they didn't know how i survived. Anyway, i went to spiritualist church simply by a friend who meant well, got into that but didn't do what most do as regular but always in my heart i believe Jesus rested, not only that, through my life i believe Jesus has been there for me through other major times. Soon i naturally stopped going though some of it was through being unable after moving. It was more of a natural parting of the ways. Though i gained much knowledge of what goes on. Met friends from other religions. A friend who is buddhist even commented on how was i able to practically quote buddhist scriptures i had never read. That my friend, is through life experience though i do also feel that is how i am, how i feel. Anyway. i moved to my current address and found my neighbour was also a spiritualist years ago but now a christian and he very slowly spoke of this and how he came to being a born again christian. I do not think i needed convincing, my grandparents were methodist and firm believers in jesus christ. i went to their church for sunday school when visiting them. the problem i found and why i went on that journey i briefly described is because the church leaders (vicars) could never clarify to me what they preached. The meanings, interpretations, some i held dear to me all my life like that of the good samaritan. Anyway, my neighbour got me to listen to Chuck Missler and things started to fall in place. Here was someone saying "don't take my word for it, go look for it yourself, I could be wrong". GREAT. finally someone admitting he could be wrong but atleast trying to offer some viewpoint. So i started reading and researching for myself. The prophecy of isreal's return as a sovereign state clinched the meaning totally. Finding that the prophecy actually if worked out does also come to 1948. What i found was this. If you believe the prophecies then you have no choice but to believe in jesus. To believe in jesus means you have no choice but to believe the prophecies. There is much more revelation that came after this. My partner got my explanation and came from catholism, though she didn't practice at all, to christianity.
My partner and i had been together on and off for a while and used protection so not to have a baby and that worked as we were not ready. Well, as we got more into learning and researching etc, we were still using protection, that one week shortly after starting, she fell pregnant. The contraceptions we were using didn't work nor did the morning after pill. We had both longed for a child but for stresses etc we didn't want one right now. So through the pill, morning after pill and other she still got pregnant, and now we hope for a boy, which we shall soon find out. As we both came back to christianity and she fell pregnant, through all that, it occurred to me God was listening. He must have felt the time was right for us and so gave us a child. we hope for a boy and chose these two names if it happens to be, Caleb Jaden, i found a reference saying they were hebrew and knowing Caleb and we both liked, and being biblical. But Jaden? I do not know if i am correct but apparently they mean, Caleb - faithfull and bold, Jaden - God has heard. It is our way of saying thank you for giving us a child. We are not rich nor comfortable, we sometimes have little arguments but what we do have is love. we both have disabilities but we get by, being provided just enough to get by, as God promised, he will provide for his own.
Did we have a vision? well maybe i did. did my partner? nope. but we have been given a another sign by my partner's conception. we are ever so thankful. What my partner did have the other day was 2 words told to her when no-one was around and that was "look up". jesus said in the last days to look up.
words fail to describe how thankful we are but i know he knows.
and that is how we got saved, i think. (he moves in very mysterious ways).


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. I condemed so many people! My friend who is a Christian wore skulls on her jacket, in my heart I condemed her to Hell. I thought I was one of the few going to Heaven (I thought I was doing things right and the others weren't doing good enough). You know who I condemned the most? Those in Christendom. I thought how wrong (this belief was before Jan. of 9th grade,2008) you guys must be for believe God came down in the flesh! That creeped me out so much. I really thought bad of those who believed in the rapture. I thought another belief from Christendom, it must be wrong!
, I condemed anything Nickolodean, I condemed anything I thought was unclean. I was such a proud person! I thought I was better than the other girls. I never had a boyfriend (unless my "boy" friend/s in elementary count), I didn't wear make-up, I didn't do things like those other girls. Infact, in 8th grade english a subject about boys or whatever was brought up. I proudly said out loud in class. "I'm a virgin!"
(how embarssing now that I think back) A girl said I was proud, that I was-very proud. More than she even knew...I thought I was one of the best. I didn't go out with boys, I didn't do things like the other girls. 


