Criticism
Are there any wives here who feel like their husbands criticize them a lot and that they are more on the passive side and just take it.
I have been feeling like this lately and I don't know if I am just imagining it or if it is really an issue. (P.S I am also trying to withdrawal from Paxil so I don't know if it's the medication that is making me see things that are not there or if this feeling is legit.)
just choose a standard response every time and stick to it, faithfully.
something like, "I don't respond well to criticism like that." And walk away.
After a couple of years he may actually hear you say it. After a decade or so, he may actually think about what it might mean. After 2 decades he may even begin to think an alternative could exist. When you are dead it will occur to him that he might have been able to communicate more lovingly.
hope this is helpful.
i suppose with a normal man it's possible to work something out more quickly, but I've never had experience with a normal man, so i can only go my my own experience. LOL
Originally Posted by Valerie
just choose a standard response every time and stick to it, faithfully.
something like, "I don't respond well to criticism like that." And walk away.
After a couple of years he may actually hear you say it. After a decade or so, he may actually think about what it might mean. After 2 decades he may even begin to think an alternative could exist. When you are dead it will occur to him that he might have been able to communicate more lovingly.
hope this is helpful.
i suppose with a normal man it's possible to work something out more quickly, but I've never had experience with a normal man, so i can only go my my own experience. LOL
That's funny Valerie, but in a sad sort of way.
I was never very good at tolerating brow beating, but my older sis, whom I love very much, has lived 34 years with a man who has dominated every aspect of her life. He has mellowed a bit in his older age (they're both now 60) and he does have some very good qualities, but it used to drive me absolutely crazy to watch him do this. They live in another state, so I only saw it during visits. Now their oldest daughter has grown up to be the tyrant in the family and even my BIL has a hard time standing his ground with her.
I realize this isn't very encouraging and I apologize. I think life on this earth is short and fleeting and I personally believe in standing my ground...with as much love as I'm able to muster.
Praying for ya sis.
almost home
I must admit that I am the one who's bad about criticizing. My Mother was alway criticizing my Dad. I think I got into a bad habit of repeating the behaviour I had modeled for me for years. I have to work very hard at avoiding being hypercritical. Sometimes I have to stop and remember that I'm more likely to criticize when I,m feeling insecure about something.
Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
A closed mouth gathers no feet. Unknown
Inside there's a thin woman trying to get out.
I'm keeping her sedated with chocolate
I have been married to a man for over 25 years that is constantly critical of me and verbally abusive. We cannot have a discussion about anything without him flinging personal attacks or belittling my thinking processes etc. My husband is not saved and the enemy uses his tongue as a weapon, this is a spiritual battle not flesh and blood. Jesus is my warrior and my Defender and even though my husbands critical and negative words continue to hurt me I go to Jesus and He helps me. Until Jesus decides to do something different in the situation I will obey Him none the less. He never fails to bless me in ways that enable me press on. I hold fast to Hebrews 11.
Women received their dead raised to life again: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection:
36 And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment:
37 They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented;
38 (Of whom the world was not worthy) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.
39 And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise:
40 God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.
Regular Member
Hmmm, I have a critical hubby. Let's see...I can't turn the door know properly--can't lock the dead bolt all the way--I walk like a horse (I am not a big person, either.) I am too loud--hubby complains that I don't remember anything (so not true) I turn on the wrong light--need I go on...
Believe me I understand, I've had mine tell me I don't do the dishes "correctly" and he has even in the past taken the mop from me while I was mopping the floor and said "can I show you how to do that the proper way ". Just remember Jesus is a witness of it all and He keeps our tears in a bottle
People like My X husband like to critize, but I think it's because they are feeling inferior to you. JMHO
almost home
I know that my issues with being hypercritical result from feelings of insecurity. My husband isn't perfect, but my need to criticize isn't because of his faults. It comes from inside me, not from any outside source. When I'm being hypercritical or even when I start feeling like I need to criticize, I need to take a step back and I need to ask the Lord to help me. Sometimes, it's ok to offer constructive criticism if it really is helpful and welcome. However, when criticism begins to make a person feel hopeless, worthless, stupid or like they can't get anything , it needs to be stopped and the one who is doing the criticising needs to get to the root of their own inner problems that makes them want to tear someone else apart that way. If the person you are with insists on tearing you down instead of dealing with their own flaws, you need to ask the Lord what He would have you do about your situation.
Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
A closed mouth gathers no feet. Unknown
Inside there's a thin woman trying to get out.
I'm keeping her sedated with chocolate
My goodness ladies. You are all blessed to be so extraordinarily patient and understanding of your husbands when they are moody! In my family, the women are the pushy ones. I tell myself I won't be that way but at the same time I can't see myself marrying someone who has a criticizing attitude.
You are all very inspirational though. It is nice to see people approaching marriage with a Christian determination. I don't see enough of that around me in my day-to-day life . . . so many people cycling through relationships or divorces.
Regular Member
Thanks for the advice! It's hard to apply sometimes.Believe me I understand, I've had mine tell me I don't do the dishes "correctly" and he has even in the past taken the mop from me while I was mopping the floor and said "can I show you how to do that the proper way ". Just remember Jesus is a witness of it all and He keeps our tears in a bottle
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