You Know You're an Engineer If - Complete List

[yogi3939]

I went through these to make sure there were no inapropriate ones in them and was appalled at how many do now or have ever appied to me. So I guess I am an engineer.

Yogi
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You Know You're an Engineer If - Complete List


You catch yourself saying NANOO NANOO DUDE

You know exactly how many steps there are in a set of stairs you
take on a daily basis

You're never wrong and can back it up with facts

You've never had hooked on phonics

You brainstorm before you go to sleep on how to develop an all-
hydraulic driven vehicle

You have a left sock and right sock

You can picture the location of an element on the periodical chart

You're driving in a small town in Germany and don't get lost

You tried to take the fetal monitor apart in between contractions

The only holster you own is for your favorite calculator, but can't decide which one that is

You still have your original Erector Set in its little red metal suitcase (even if some parts are missing)

You can confuse the salesperson at any consumer electronics superstore

You have already added an electric motor to your exercise bike

Prior to buying your girlfriend an engagement ring, you confirm the correct ring size by secretly measuring one of her other rings, with a set of calipers

While working on a home improvement project, you try explaining to your friend that he won't wear out his miter saw blades as fast, if he slows down the feedrate, thus decreasing his chip load, and improving tool life

You know that there are 10 kinds of people, those who know binary and those who don't

You tell jokes that are met with stares unless the audience has had
classes in multivariate calculus and particle physics

Your wife adds "...and give me the short version" to the end of any question about how something works

Someone says "T & A" and you think "temperature and area"

That 4 year degree was the best 6 years of your life

You use Net Meetings to have a family get together
You have as many pocket protectors for your shirt as you have neckties

You didn’t know Spam was originally a food product

You ask if you can blog someone after the first date

You are the first person to camp out for Star Trek convention tickets

You dream in CAD

You have solutions for problems that nobody has...yet

You like repairing things more than actually using them

Your kid’s new toys are more inspiration to you than to them
When time is moving much too fast for you, but you still count it by the nanosecond

Your main currencies are Meter, Second, Ampere, Kilogram and Kelvin rather than Dollars or Yen

You introduce your wife as mylady@home.wife

Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

You want an 8X CDROM for Christmas

Dilbert is your hero

You can name 6 Star Trek episodes

The only jokes you receive are through e-mail

Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

You use a CAD package and a windtunnel to design and test your son's Pine Wood Derby car

You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string

You window shop at Radio Shack

Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies

You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area

You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run

You are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment

You don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is

You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven

You own "Official Star Trek" anything

Tou have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside

You and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception

You ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project

You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor

You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

You have never backed-up your hard drive
You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud

You truly believe aliens are living among us

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"

You see a good design and still have to change it

The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind

You own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are

You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal

You have more toys than your kids

You need a checklist to turn on the TV

You have introduced your kids by the wrong name

You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

Your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight

The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it

You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your
anniversary

You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already

You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for

Your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal

You know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use

You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

People groan at the party when you pick out the music

You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week

You did the sound system for your senior prom

Your checkbook always balances

Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone

You have more friends on the Internet than in real life

You thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers

You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

You spend more on your home computer than your car

You know what http stands for

You have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage

Your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory

Your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate

You and your son built a tv from scratch just for fun

You're mad because this list didn't end on a round number

When at a BBQ you argue about the heat cooking energy to cook one 5 pound tenderloin vs. 5 one pound steaks

You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines

You order pizza over the Internet and pay for it with your home banking software

All your sentences begin with "what if"

Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma

Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room

On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel

The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you like a tractor beam to fix it

When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on the salesperson talking with customers, you butt in to correct him, and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions while the salesperson stands silently by, nodding his head

You are always late to meetings

You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling

You are still drinking Mr. Pibb
You are at a wine tasting and you find yourself paying more
attention to the cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay

You bought your wife a new CD Rom for her birthday

You can name at least 6 Star Trek episodes

You can quote the scenes from any Monty Python movie.

You can't fit any more colored pens in your pocket

You disdain people who use low baud rates
You do Darth Vader or Battlestar Galactica impersonations by talking into a spinning fan

You drive a Gremlin with a "Beam me up Scotty" bumper sticker

You ever forgot to get a haircut... for 6 months

You find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment

You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects

You have ever debated who was a better captain: Kirk or Picard

You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you have been married

You just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday

You know how to take the cover off your computer and what size screwdriver to use

You know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic equipment on commercial flights

You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

You remember half a dozen passwords and your ten-digit Compuserve address, but you have to call your niece "kiddo"

You rooted for HAL

You talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability of your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Superbowl

You talk about trellis code modulation at parties

You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory

You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends" but forget to send your father a birthday card

You think Sales and Marketing are Satan's children

You think your computer looks better without the cover

You thought the contraption ET used to phone home was stupid

You walk around with your hands in your front pockets 99% of the time

You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)

You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon

Your dress clothes come from Sears

Your favorite actor is R2D2

Your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was "The Professor"

Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the gadgets

Your favorite place in San Francisco is the Exploratorium

Your favorite TV show is "New Yankee Workshop"

Your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her

Your idea of a "good read" is the Edmund Scientific catalog
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

Your Internet bill is higher than your long distance charges

Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work

Your wardrobe looks like you shop at Goodwill

Your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre

You consider yourself well dressed if your socks match

You wear a moustache or beard for "efficiency"

You have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words

You know the second law of thermodynamics but not your shirt size

Someone tells you its a nice day, and you respond with "it's 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 degrees Kelvin"

You know the ABCs of Infrared from A to B

You make 4 sets of drawings (with seven revisions) before making a bird bath

Politically correct people call you "organizationally challenged"

You think the glass half full / half empty argument is silly because you know the glass is actually twice as large as it needs to be.

[Ihelphimwalktheline]

that was good, I can apply some of them

[Anddra]

I can apply quite a few, too...

[harth1026]

You Know You're an Engineer If -
- You realize that this list is at least 15 years old from the 8x CDROM and 486DX-50 references..

[Wally]

You know you are a REAL Engineer if you know the entire Whyte classification system.

ooOOOOoo = Potomac (Northern)

[yogi3939]

Originally Posted by Wally

You know you are a REAL Engineer if you know the entire Whyte classification system.

ooOOOOoo = Potomac (Northern)

Did you have a "loco motive" for posting that????

[Wally]

I guess I left a "carbon footprint".......wooo wooo wo woooooooo......

[Alex]

Hide this from my wife.com her response would be. “That is so you.”

Which I would have to disagree on the grounds that I don’t wear, own or use pocket protectors due to the fact they actually raise your body temperature by .034 do impart to the plastic rubbing against your pocket creating friction.
By gluing a small thin piece of cotton material on the back one could lower the temperature .019

[Anddra]

Originally Posted by Alex

Hide this from my wife.com her response would be. “That is so you.”

Which I would have to disagree on the grounds that I don’t wear, own or use pocket protectors due to the fact they actually raise your body temperature by .034 do impart to the plastic rubbing against your pocket creating friction.
By gluing a small thin piece of cotton material on the back one could lower the temperature .019

You pass the test, Alex

[Krayola]

My dh is an engineer and he recently told me this engineer joke:

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were playing golf together one morning when they were held up by a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
........Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: That's so sad. I will pray for them and talk to my congregation about taking up a collection for them.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's any new procedures that may help them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

[Alex]

Originally Posted by Krayola

My dh is an engineer and he recently told me this engineer joke:

Love it.